Just ignore it @LoveSandbanks
Like you I took loads of parenting classes, read everything, worked hard because DD with ADHD needed that. She was diagnosed very early because she has boy classic ADHD thankfully. Most girls struggle because they present so differently.
SEN parents can't win. DD now has so many coping strategies and masks so well at school that people don't believe she has ADHD. I am one of the 'parents who say their child has it because it's trendy'. If we hadn't worked so hard, and allowed her to be herself out of school, we'd be the 'lazy parents whose child is just disruptive and ADHD is an excuse'.
And on the laziness accusation that people love so much. My lovely friend said, when her fuckwad DH tried to give me parenting tips, "Terry works twice as hard as us for half the results". Her kid was a biddable thing. You'd put her down, she'd stay there. If she ran off, she's come back. DD was a wall-of-death, Tasmanian Devil. Never ever still. At that point the choices are:
- Constant criticism and 'no'
- Work harder than any parent works to distract, mould, humour, counsel, entertain, encourage, exercise and try to control with no criticism, because their rejection sensitivity coupled with their behaviour means you fail one of their needs all the time.
- Parent normally and their behaviour is unacceptable and you just live with the judgement.
It's not 'lazy'. 3's the level all the non-SEN parents meet. It's just for our children, that's woefully inadequate. And when we don't meet the requirements of number 2, we're arseholes. Mean teachers and other parents want to see 1. But that's where a lot of kids with ADHD end up with anxiety and depression. Constantly being told they are bad and wrong.
All the parents with kids with ADHD on this thread, thanks.
Good job. Have a cup of tea. You earned it.