Do most 12 year olds go to bed after 10pm?

[Eastereggmadness]

Am I totally out of touch? Dd just had a huge row with me as wants to be downstairs still at 9.30pm. normally she is meant to be in her room reading/listening to music by 8.45 - lights off 9.30. Apparently all her friends are up well past 10pm. Am I being unreasonable - what time do your 12 year olds go up to bed and what time are lights off.
(For context she is up at 7.15 for school each day).

My 12 year still goes to sleep at 8.30! He's up at 6.30 and is a total ratbag without at least 10 hours sleep.

That being said, he's always needed lots of sleep since a newborn, not much has changed.

Weekends he stays up later, but can't cope going to sleep any later than 9pm on a week day.

My 13 year old starts getting ready for bed at 9:30, in bed and reading by 9:50.

Mine goes up to bed at 8, has wi-fi until 9 and then goes to sleep whenever ready. Usually about 10pm.

My 12 year old goes up to bed at 10 generally asleep by 10.30. Up at 7.45am
He is my youngest though (of three) the others were definitely in bed earlier at his age. But they’ve broken me so I just can’t hold the line as much with him 😂

Not allowed downstairs past 9:30pm is crazy in my opinion, a lot of kids the same age would only be arriving home from sport training etc at that time. DD was often finishing off her homework or busy getting ready for the next day.

At that age DD was typically in bed around 10, asleep around 11/11:30 and up at 7:30.

Sending her up to her bedroom at 8.45 seems really early to me. When I was that at age my favourite TV programmes were things like Blackadder and Red Dwarf and they weren’t on until after 9pm, so I can’t have been going to bed until 9.30 - 10pm.

I also never really had a ‘lights out’ time once I’d left primary school. My parents just trusted me to put my book down when I was tired.

My whole family have always been natural night owls though. There isn’t a single lark among us.

Doesn't it depend how much sleep she needs? Is she really tired enough to be going to bed at 8.45? Seems early for a 12 year old, but they're all different. If she needs the sleep, then it's the appropriate time. If she's awake for a lot longer, then it's too early.

My daughter goes up to her room around 8-8.30. Sometimes earlier and sometimes later. We have no set time for this but mostly around 8 as she likes her ‘chill’ time as she calls it. So it’s her choice to go up. It was the routine when she was younger and now she’s very precious of her chill time in bed before sleep😂 If we are out and don’t get back til 10pm etc then she is a right miserable cow about missing her chill time 😂

Lights off, TV off, book down, everything off at 10.30pm to go to sleep on a school night.
She gets up at 7.30-7.45pm. She’s never hard to wake and gets up easily.

On weekends we generally have no set bed time if no one needs to be up the next day etc. The only rule is if I’m going to bed then she needs to go bed too as I can’t stand to hear her telly while I’m trying to sleep but I don’t normally go to bed until 11.30pm-12.30 anyway.
For example, tonight she only just went to bed 10 minutes ago and il be going up soon.

My dd is 13 and goes up to bed at about 9 and lights off by 9.30.

My ds is 16 but goes to bed at 10....he likes his sleep and it's been his routine for so long, it suits him.

I've always set my DC's phones to turn off at night...but even in year 7, I'd see his friends messaging each other at all hours. I was genuinely amazed that other parents didn't have any restrictions.

My 11/12 year old goes up at 8. It's early really but she needs it as she has a hard time winding down.

When my now 15yo DD was 12, it was phone off at 9pm and left in the kitchen to charge.
She had the option to read or whatever until 10pm - entirely up to her.

She's never been good at self regulation though, so she definitely needed 'rules'.

My 15 year old goes to be after ten.

My 11 year old goes at 9pm.

Just wanted to say on this one, when I was a child I was always put to bed way before I was tired (eldest of three, and as my Mum wanted us all going to bed at the same time, we went at the time needed for the youngest one 🤔). I’ve got an absolute horror of lying in bed awake to this day, which means I tend to go to bed much later than I should.

I have an 11 and a 13 year old and they get up at 6 most school days (before school activities) and have pretty active days, doing sport or similar 3-4 days per week.
They both go up for a shower at 8.15 and read/faff until 9 and are normally asleep by 9.30 at the latest.
They both seem to need around 8-9 hours sleep so they know if they go later, they’re really tired the next day.
i guess there isn’t a rule that works for everyone. - I need about 7 hours sleep but some people need more or less and it’s teen years where your body starts figuring that out.

In bed around 8.30, then I turn off lights/ ask them to stop reading by around 9pm. They’ve always had lots of sleep and I think it’s so important that they get as much as possible. Up by 7.30 every day, don’t sleep in on weekends (their choice)

my nearly 14 year old goes to bed between 8.30-9 on school days and potentially later on non school days (but before 9.30 generally)- but tends to get up 6-6.30
he doesn't really complain tbh- much more of a morning person and gets upset if he lies in (missing screen time) - i'm waiting for him to realise its quite early

My year 7 11 year old goes to bed at 9.45-10pm, up at 6.15am on school days. He usually falls asleep very quickly. Compared to his friends, most are around this time and some later.

8.45 does seem a little early for your DD to effectively be out of the way and in her room.

My 12yo is meant to turn lights out at 10 on weeknights and 11 on weekends. She gets up at 7. 9 hours seems an ok amount of sleep for her.

Earlier is better than later for a 12yr old who needs sleep for your sanity and theirs.
Earlier always, weekends later.
What others do isn't what suits your family.

Lights out at 9 on school nights - he’s out of the house at 7.30. Weekends later but DH and I go by 10.

11 and 14 here. Supper if want it around 9.30. Bed for 10 and usually sleeping 10.30.

DD(12) would never cope with such a late bed time! Her bedtimes are 830 or 9pm depending on when she gets in from her activities. Her alarm goes off at 615 on school days and I have to make her get up at 630. She sleeps until 8-830 on non-school days and honestly, during the week, seems permanently tired.

Mine are much older but I’m pretty sure that at 12yo they were asleep by 10pm. I think it was likely 9pm bedtime at that stage. I needed a bit of downtime myself before bed so always encouraged them to go up and read.

Mine were always at gymnastics or guides etc til 9.15 4 nights a week. Bedtime was fairly self regulated at that age - if they started struggling to get up in the morning so I was calling them more than once they had to go earlier for a while

I like to be in bed by 930, so I can read.dh stays up later. 12 yr old tends to go up to bed between 9 and 930. Lights out by 10. She's always new really good at knowing when she's tired and when she just needs to sleep. Weekends are pretty lax, especially with the older one who watches films with us but she still likes 10pm.