To uninvite children from our wedding

[TigerJoy]

We're having a slightly last-minute wedding so we're married before our baby is born. We're trying to get things done quickly and are inviting people by email.

I have a big family, partner has no surviving family. We've got the church booked and chosen a nice restaurant over the road for a lunch after. We've booked the only private room they have which seats 50 max.

Unbelievably we've hit that really quickly. We did our list and counted it, and at first said no kids - then my partner changed his mind as some friends will be travelling. However we didn't think of the impact that would have on the numbers.

As it is we're at 50 now, of which 8 are children of our guests (i.e. not family - I want my niblings there).

Would it be unspeakably rude to get back to the 3 or 4 guests coming with children and ask them if they could leave the children at home? I'm conscious most kids don't enjoy weddings that much and this will be a boring one for kids - service and lunch and that's it.

YABU - the kids are invited, you can't back out now
YANBU - people will understand it's a small wedding and won't mind finding baby sitters

I forgot to say - the reason for this would be to invite more of my partner's friends.

YABU and a bit flaky to not have correctly counted the numbers, if you drop this decision now the parents will likely decline to attend. But hey that’ll free up space
The adult friends can come for a drink another time.

I think if you've invited already its difficult. Could you arrange a babysitter for the group of kids?

I get you are in a hurry but wouldn't it be logical to make a list

Count. Add/deduct as necessary

Then email the invitation

I would wait and see who RSVPs before ypu invite anyone else

Otherwise, change venue

I wouldn't, for the fallout it would potentially cause. If you really must then do it asap and accept that some people may not attend.

You really can't uninvite people. Unfortunately, you've messed up a bit - I suppose you could contact them and explain?

YABVU. You should have counted first and not had them in from the beginning as people would understand.
Does 8 children really make much of a difference ?

I'd change reception venue. Maybe village hall with caterers in?

I think if the parents are travelling for the wedding you have to expect they won't come.

Personally I think you and DP should have an equal guest allocation, you don't automatically get more because you have more family. When you don't have family you build those ties elsewhere.

Plus I actually think kids are great at weddings, they lift the mood
Children Aren’t luggage you Don’t just pap them off with babysitters. Some kids have never had a babysitter, or parents don’t want it etc
You need to stick to the original invite or likely parents with kids decline your invite because they feel mucked about

I can't imagine many people would be very happy tbh, expect them not to show up if you un-invite the kids.

YABU because you’ve already invited them. If you’d decided no kids from the outset fair enough, but you can’t uninvite now.

Also agree with PP, you don’t get more of the guest allocation because you have a bigger family, so if numbers are tight then it’s you who needs to make cuts to enable your partner to have his friends there as he does not have family to invite.

You can’t univite them! It would have been fine not to invite them at all but you can’t mess people around like that. How big is the restaurant? Could you do a private hire of the whole thing?

Parents who’ve had their kids uninvited won’t graciously attend as guests because you changed your mind

I would expect people to cancel if you change the parameters of the invitation. Finding a babysitter is not always easy, especially if travel is involved.

if your guests have already incurred expenses to book travel to attend the wedding, it would be very rude to make a change at this point.

You can't uninvite people.

When is the wedding? Has everyone RSVPd? We booked ours with 6 months notice and about 50% declined. We had people drop out the week of the wedding and a handful just didn't show up on the day. Of it's only 8 extra Id just invite them. Chances are people we'll cancel or no show on the day.

Yes very unreasonable. If you have invited them you have invited them. You can't change your mind now. Besides you said these people are travelling a long distance so presumably they would need someone to look after their children to stay overnight.
I would decline the invitation in those circumstances

To be honest, if you’d invited me with my DC, then changed the invite, I would be pretty cheesed off and probably wouldn’t attend for any of us. Check with venue if it’s 50 plus children or 50 max. We were limited to 80 at ours, fortunately 3 cousins decided not to bring their DC, this freed up 11 spaces.

So if some say yes and some say no...... how will you navigate that?

How many more people did you want to invite? If it’s only a few you might be able to go just over the 50. It’s very unfortunate that you didn’t count properly in the first place. I think people would have understood you having no children if they were told originally, especially given it’s a small wedding, but it’s a bit rude to invite people now. Any chance of changing to a slighter bigger venue?

Ok ok! Yes we got it wrong, in an ideal world OF COURSE we would have got it right first time.

All kids I am talking about so far are local.

I love kids and was v happy to include them. I'm just feeling bad.

I have invited 3 friends - there are some mutual. Numbers shot up due to plus ones and families.

"I have a big family, partner has no surviving family. We've got the church booked and chosen a nice restaurant over the road for a lunch after. We've booked the only private room they have which seats 50 max."

Can you overspill into the main restaurant a bit? Depends on the layout of the place, of course.

I would change venue rather than uninvite.

I'd be gutted if someone I cared about did this to me as there's simply no way I'd be able to attend. Doubly so if I was travelling - they may have already laid out money to pay for this? I think it would be really poor form. If your partner has no family then I would have thought he especially wouldn't want to upset his close friends? I urge you to find a bigger venue.

Could you ask the venue if they could accommodate a small extra number of guests, I'm assuming 8, as that sounded like the number of children you may want to uninvite.

Good idea 😉