To uninvite children from our wedding

[TigerJoy]

We're having a slightly last-minute wedding so we're married before our baby is born. We're trying to get things done quickly and are inviting people by email.

I have a big family, partner has no surviving family. We've got the church booked and chosen a nice restaurant over the road for a lunch after. We've booked the only private room they have which seats 50 max.

Unbelievably we've hit that really quickly. We did our list and counted it, and at first said no kids - then my partner changed his mind as some friends will be travelling. However we didn't think of the impact that would have on the numbers.

As it is we're at 50 now, of which 8 are children of our guests (i.e. not family - I want my niblings there).

Would it be unspeakably rude to get back to the 3 or 4 guests coming with children and ask them if they could leave the children at home? I'm conscious most kids don't enjoy weddings that much and this will be a boring one for kids - service and lunch and that's it.

YABU - the kids are invited, you can't back out now
YANBU - people will understand it's a small wedding and won't mind finding baby sitters

Are they invited before...if invited yabu. If not invited yet yanbu. Best decision I ever made was no children at my wedding but I had a very ill granny who couldn't take sudden noises due to the brain tumour. Her comfort mattered more to me. It was the last time I saw her and my grandad. I have amazing photo of them looking happy.

My sons partner has a big family they were invited to a cousins wedding. 100 limit. OH the rows, why was my son invited when other cousins weren't invited. He's an outsider. Etc.

He offered to back out, very embarrassed but the bride wanted them both there.

No kids from the start would have been fine. Uninviting them is quite rude imho.

We should have kept to no kids- but they're invited now, and I'm sure it will be lovely with them there.

If these are really good friends of yours (presumably as a only a small wedding) can't you just ring and have a conversation with them? You say they are all local, so the travel issue shouldn't be a problem. Explain your issue and ask if they have anyone who could babysitter for the night. They might say no and then you'll just have to figure out making it work. But some might be bringing their kids because you specifically asked them to. No one I know would actually enjoy taking their kids to a wedding.

This feels sensible. Some people might not mind. If they are all local then most people will have some babysitting options, even if they have to pay (perhaps you could offer to cover the babysitter). It feels like you made a mistake and if they are close friends and you have that kind of relationship you can have an open conversation with, I'd go for it.

You really can't uninvite people! Is there a possibility of a larger venue?

We have rather limited food venue options so would rather stick.

This is all the consequence of doing things in a bit of a rush. Also the first wedding we've planned!

No-one will be summarily uninvited! I will have a think about options e.g. use other parts of the venue. I might also request family kids just attend the ceremony, which would free up 8 spots! Or have a kids table outside of the reception room.

I'm feeling like an idiot and also really gutted.

Thanks for the reality check, and those who made constructive suggestions.

People will drop out. Almost guaranteed. You'll be fine.

So you've said that you invited kids because people were travelling, now you're considering children at the service only? What do the parents do with them after? Put them in the car to wait a few hours,

U think you need to start thinking about sensible options.

When you say ‘unbelievably you’ve hit that really quickly’ - do you mean you never had an idea of what the total number would be if people’s kids came? Or did you assume they wouldn’t bring them? How did you word the invite -did you specifically say kids welcome, or did you not mention it either way and people have assumed? I think if you stated they could come it would be very embarrassing to now say they can’t. Plus you’d likely have those parents drop out too. If it was me to be honest I’d be seeing if I could find a larger venue nearby. Good luck Op!

I have seen lots of people laughing, shouting and shrieking at weddings....none of them were children.

A kids table can work if lots of kids know each other- but invariably there will be kids who want to sit with their parents, and parents who don’t want their kids sat where they can’t keep an eye on them easily. It might cause more chaos than it’s worth! Could be an option for family kids if you square it with your family first maybe. We accepted an invite to a wedding once and when we got there got told they had put on a baby sitting service and the plan was for us to leave our kids there for the whole ceremony and then also have their meal elsewhere while someone else looked after them. I know they thought they were being lovely and giving us a break- but our children were very young and not even in childcare yet, and lots of kids refused to leave their parents, it was a bit stressful for everyone!

My kids are 7 and 9 and if you called me separately and explained, I'd offer to leave them at home. If it's a meal in a restaurant rather than a disco / party etc and they are local, it's not a big slight on the kids.

if money is not tight - Book another room for the kids and have a ‘kids party’. Party food and games etc. Hire a carer or 2 to look after them. Mum & dad have an adult party and the kids have theirs as well.

A children's party is something else altogether.
I think you're just going to have to talk to people and say you got the arrangements all wrong.