Ex refusing to see DD on weekends

[Blades2]

Hi there

in fully expecting to be called unreasonable but I figured I’d throw it out there anyway.

Myself and my ex share two children, one 18, the other 14, I have them both all the time.

My ex now has a new partner and for whatever reasons their relationship is long distance/over the internet for most of the time.

i also have a partner who I see every day/as much as I like. (Putting this out there as ex told me I get all time I want with my partner whilst he is limited with his)

anyway, Saturday nights are reserved for his partner (over FaceTime)
Our 14 yo has started to express an interest in staying with him two nights per week. I suggested out of fairness he does two weekends a month, and the other times could be two weekdays, I’ve been told, and also accused, by both my ex and his new partner of trying to barrier his relationship (ffs no I just feel like It’s fair to split)

his arguement is, because my relationship is with a man who’s local and his lives 90km from our home town, that he should get his weekends with his new woman, as it’s all they have.
My argument is, children come first? Especially SEN children which we have.

thank you for reading x

I'm glad you pointed this out and one would have thought it was common sense to reconise that fact

My last post on the thread - IMO, OP needs to laise with ex and both work out a suitable arrangement. The ex has a new friend and as I said before, many people with a new love in their life find it easy to dismiss whats going on around them until a few months down the road

I hope it works out for the sake of DC

He sounds like a dead beat OP, your DD will be better off without him. Some people just aren’t decent parents and unfortunately he is one of them. You can’t force men to step up, you can only recognise when they’re utter shits.

Just when you think you've seen the stupidest things posted on Mumsnet.........

@RhubarbAndFlustered that PP has a history of posting utter drivel. He thinks his opinion is the only correct one and frequently takes over threads to berate and belittle anyone that has a differing opinion.

Iam not entirely sure what more I can do to facilitate my ex and his new woman. I arrange to take his dog to kennels so he can spend time in her hometown, I ferry our children between his and mine as he doesn’t drive.
I too have a new partner, who would absolutely love a Saturday night with me all to ourselves, no interruptions, however, he grasps that my children come first.

I would understand a new love interest being the be all and end all when no children are involved, however, we share two, who both have a lot of extra needs.

and for the record, my ex and I were not married, unsure as to why you would assume that too.

no matter how much you try and convince yourself staying together for children is best, it is not, I tried that, and ended up having a mental breakdown and have been on medication ever since.

Firstly stop sorting out his dogs!

I'd suggest Thursday after school to Saturday evening every other week to him. If he refuses then he can tell his DD himself that he rather spend the time with his new girlfriend than his daughter.

I would say to your children you are happy to accommodate whatever they wish. And leave it to their bastard dad to say that they aren’t welcome.

Fair enough
I dont beleive I or anyone else can add anyhting more to what has already been said oter than, good luck and I hope its resolved soon for the sake of DC

Your ex is a prick and yes ALL children should come first… whether SEN or not… but he should be giving you a break in the week if he can’t / won’t have them at weekends but I’m guessing he won’t be able to get them to school as he doesn’t drive…
my ex moved 300 miles away and has seen his DD once in almost 2 years! Not sure why anyone would suggest a woman should give up her sanity to stay with a man like that ‘for the sake of the kids’…. No thanks… life is too short!