Page 2 | Ex refusing to see DD on weekends

Blades2 · 2024-04-10T18:34:59+00:00

Hi there in fully expecting to be called unreasonable but I figured I’d throw it out there anyway. Myself and my ex share two children, one 18, the other 14, I have them both all the time. My ex now has a new partner and for whatever reasons their relationship is long distance/over the internet for most of the time. i also have a partner who I see every day/as much as I like. (Putting this out there as ex told me I get all time I want with my partner whilst he is limited with his) anyway, Saturday nights are reserved for his partner (over FaceTime) Our 14 yo has started to express an interest in staying with him two nights per week. I suggested out of fairness he does two weekends a month, and the other times could be two weekdays, I’ve been told, and also accused, by both my ex and his new partner of trying to barrier his relationship (ffs no I just feel like It’s fair to split) his arguement is, because my relationship is with a man who’s local and his lives 90km from our home town, that he should get his weekends with his new woman, as it’s all they have. My argument is, children come first? Especially SEN children which we have. thank you for reading x

Comedycook · 10/04/2024 20:41

Of course you're right. He sounds like a shit dad

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 10/04/2024 23:12

He’s a failure.

ivs · 10/04/2024 23:16

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 19:56

His life, his choice, you cant force child/children on him
He has a new life as you do
If that was my dad, I'd not to see him

Why are you so eager for your ex to see his child?

"my argument is children come first" - if that was the case, people would not divorce/separate. I know of a few people that stayed together because of their kids

Oh yes, op is terrible for wanting their shared dc to have relationships with their father....

And christ almighty, staying together for the kids is an awful way to live, separate as grown ups instead of many unhappy people in household

You sound single

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 10/04/2024 23:18

Why are you so eager for your ex to see his child?
most ridiculous comment ive read all day.

Wildgeen · 10/04/2024 23:24

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 20:39

Thank you but in most cases parents staying together benefits the child. Hoepfully you will agree

Crime in London is often blamed on a certain group of people and often cited that most of these kids are from "broken homes."

More often than not, having two parents is better for a child and that is a fact

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What certain group of people ? Spit it out.

Btw, there’s crime all over the UK. I’m from Glasgow which was known as the murder/stab capital of Europe until recently . Why did you not cite that for an example of a high crime area?

Wanttobefree2 · 10/04/2024 23:26

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 20:39

Thank you but in most cases parents staying together benefits the child. Hoepfully you will agree

Crime in London is often blamed on a certain group of people and often cited that most of these kids are from "broken homes."

More often than not, having two parents is better for a child and that is a fact

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s broken homes that are the issues in this scenario, it’s absent fathers.

YeahComeOnThen · 10/04/2024 23:37

She's 14 (admittedly with SEN) but she has just decided she wants to spend 2 nights a week at her Dad's. She can't spend Satuday there, but there are 6 more to choose from

he's allowed & life & has a commitment in Saturday nights.

what was he supposed to do... do nothing ever, in case she suddenly decides she wants to stay?,

Globules · 10/04/2024 23:45

BruFord · 10/04/2024 20:01

He should be delighted that she wants to spend time with him @Blades2 . What an idiot.

Agreed.

He'll reap the rewards of his poor decision when his daughter ends up only wanting to see him a few hours every 3-4 months.

That's what my DD does now after her poor excuse of a father put seeing her lower on his priority list than seeing his new girlfriend. We split when she was 14. It didn't take long at all for her to reduce the time she wanted to see him.

EG94 · 10/04/2024 23:53

I don’t know why you thought you would be told you were unreasonable.

what I would say is ask your daughter to speak to her dad and set out what she would like. This way you are removed and when daddy inevitably says no because his dicks twitching he can look your daughter in the eyes and tell her he doesn’t want to see her.

do make excuses on his behalf. Let him be the one to let her down. Don’t take that blame and guilt on your shoulders.

if daughter doesn’t want to ask I’d tell him to call your daughter and explain why she can’t go.

I have no doubt this will be hard for her but you can’t shelter her from the cold hard truth that her dad is a wanker

Inspireme2 · 10/04/2024 23:55

Court!

Inspireme2 · 10/04/2024 23:57

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 19:56

His life, his choice, you cant force child/children on him
He has a new life as you do
If that was my dad, I'd not to see him

Why are you so eager for your ex to see his child?

"my argument is children come first" - if that was the case, people would not divorce/separate. I know of a few people that stayed together because of their kids

It is his parental responsibility for his child to share care.
Not who he is seeing or moving on doesn't mean he's no longer a parent.
Your argument is such bs.

LolaSmiles · 11/04/2024 00:03

what was he supposed to do... do nothing ever, in case she suddenly decides she wants to stay?,
He's supposed to want to parent his children and not make his involvement conditional on whether it suits his latest girlfriend.

What do you think many decent mothers and fathers so when they're co-parenting with their ex? They focus on parenting, spending time with their children and fit their love life around their parenting responsibilities.

T1Dmama · 11/04/2024 00:10

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 19:56

His life, his choice, you cant force child/children on him
He has a new life as you do
If that was my dad, I'd not to see him

Why are you so eager for your ex to see his child?

"my argument is children come first" - if that was the case, people would not divorce/separate. I know of a few people that stayed together because of their kids

Staying together in an unhappy relationship is not putting anyone first!!
wjen me and my ex split my DD actually stated she wished we’d split years ago!! And we didn’t even argue like some couples and are still friends….
but she knew we were unhappy and it wasn’t ideal…

Concannon88 · 11/04/2024 00:10

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 20:39

Thank you but in most cases parents staying together benefits the child. Hoepfully you will agree

Crime in London is often blamed on a certain group of people and often cited that most of these kids are from "broken homes."

More often than not, having two parents is better for a child and that is a fact

Show quote history

You are talking nonsense. And children have 2 parents from conception not marriage.

noonesayscheese · 11/04/2024 00:12

@Globules

"He'll reap the rewards of his poor decision when his daughter ends up only wanting to see him a few hours every 3-4 months.

That's what my DD does now after her poor excuse of a father put seeing her lower on his priority list than seeing his new girlfriend. We split when she was 14. It didn't take long at all for her to reduce the time she wanted to see him."

I could have written this. My DD's father who, upon entering a new relationship, barely sees his DD and when he does, he just sits in his chair whilst his partner brings him beers. She has SEN and he isn't interested in providing any support for her, financially or emotionally or otherwise, he doesn't talk to her, he doesn't even know her. She's now 12 and has decided she no longer wants to see him.

T1Dmama · 11/04/2024 00:14

So he’ll only see her after school for a few hours twice a week?? Will the DD sam ray over and be dropped in school by him the following morning?
if he talks to his GF Saturday nights why can’t DD stay Friday nights and return home before the call?
Men are strange at times and seem to rarely prioritise other people above themselves

Sleepandchocolate2202 · 11/04/2024 00:25

Don’t think you are unreasonable - to some extent it’s fair that dad has a commitment… but can he really not speak to his partner any other time or when DD is in the house ? Seems like a poor excuse. Also at this strange distance partner should keep her opinions to herself ..

Not that I think kids should dictate visitation days or have the responsibility of agreeing them on their shoulders, but out of interest when does DD want to go? If they are in school and SEN they must have a preference over which nights work best for them also? Surely both parents would take that into consideration when making arrangements (no doubt you do)

Deathbyfluffy · 11/04/2024 00:29

28% of all days are weekend days, so work out a split based on that (one day a month if he’s wanting to do 4 days in total).

RamblingAroundTheInternet · 11/04/2024 01:11

YeahComeOnThen · 10/04/2024 23:37

She's 14 (admittedly with SEN) but she has just decided she wants to spend 2 nights a week at her Dad's. She can't spend Satuday there, but there are 6 more to choose from

he's allowed & life & has a commitment in Saturday nights.

what was he supposed to do... do nothing ever, in case she suddenly decides she wants to stay?,

No, it’s not OK that he has a commitment every Saturday night to have phone sex with his internet girlfriend when the OP has a commitment to care for 2? teens with SN every single day. I assume the OPs boyfriend doesn’t prevent her caring for her DCs seeing as she’s doing it single handedly at the moment.

The DC live with the OP so the Dad should be prioritising whatever time works for them especially as it sounds like he hasn’t been caring for them for a while. He could find another girlfriend available for phone sex during the week if this one isn’t.

He sounds like a grade A cunt OP. Maybe ask his girlfriend why she’s coming between his responsibility to care for his DC especially when they have SN and typically SN young people need care and support well into adulthood.

Although from the fact she’s getting involved in trying to prevent your DC from staying over without having met you or your DC (?) or even being in a proper face to face relationship with your ex raises quite a few red flags as to how she’ll treat your DC if this relationship progresses.

Can you compromise that DC goes to his on Thursday after school, he does the school run on Friday (if she needs dropping), stays Friday night and he drops her home on Saturday before his phone call? Most young people with SN prefer routine although that may not be true in your DCs case? Sounds like he’ll find another excuse not to do that though.

bubblesforbreakfast · 11/04/2024 02:22

He sounds awful. You mention SEN. Is your DD capable of understanding that her dad is prioritising his new GF over her? Or are you left explaining that away too?

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 11/04/2024 09:16

ivs · 10/04/2024 23:16

Oh yes, op is terrible for wanting their shared dc to have relationships with their father....

And christ almighty, staying together for the kids is an awful way to live, separate as grown ups instead of many unhappy people in household

You sound single

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Stop misquoting me. Thanks

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 11/04/2024 09:21

Concannon88 · 11/04/2024 00:10

You are talking nonsense. And children have 2 parents from conception not marriage.

Show quote history

You have nothing to contribute other than to post nonsense.
Both are parents, both seprated, both have new people in their lives. DD did not want to see dear dayy intially and now dear daddy saying he does not have time

No one has come back about the question i asked, IE why does OP not help to facilaite a meeting between the two.

As i also stated, what if DC found out what daddy was saying.

It takes two people to create a child and its not the childs fault that both have decided to go their own way

What is your solution other than attack me??

MississippiAF · 11/04/2024 09:22

Inspireme2 · 10/04/2024 23:55

Court!

Court won’t force anyone to take a child who doesn’t want to, it doesn’t work that way.

ivs · 11/04/2024 09:22

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 11/04/2024 09:16

Stop misquoting me. Thanks

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Literally "quoted" what you wrote....

How is that misquoting you?

HTH

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 11/04/2024 09:29

Sleepandchocolate2202 · 11/04/2024 00:25

Don’t think you are unreasonable - to some extent it’s fair that dad has a commitment… but can he really not speak to his partner any other time or when DD is in the house ? Seems like a poor excuse. Also at this strange distance partner should keep her opinions to herself ..

Not that I think kids should dictate visitation days or have the responsibility of agreeing them on their shoulders, but out of interest when does DD want to go? If they are in school and SEN they must have a preference over which nights work best for them also? Surely both parents would take that into consideration when making arrangements (no doubt you do)

Excellent post.
You have confirmed what I have been saying, both should work around the other and I have said a couple of times, what has OP done to facilite the meeting off ex DH and DC?

Its all to simple on these forums often blaming the OH who is not here and IMO not help the OP but to goad them into a decison they want - However, I only post what IMO is potentially a solution and just blaming the OH and not recognising reason given will not result in DC seeing ex DH

I too could have easily posted nonsense re ex but I'm not like that and IMO, OP needs to offer solutions and work with their ex. Irts the DC that loses out

There was a memeber of staff at my place where she talked about mum leaving home when she was young and when this staff memeber was older and found out where mum lived via aunty - mum did not want anything to do with her daughter. People move on and that is a fact