Page 4 | AIBU to expect regular updates from our nursery

ElbiTut · 2024-04-10T12:36:38+00:00

Our DS recently started a nursery. Tbh we really liked the vibe, cleanliness, the fact it is simple not too many bells and whistles, they said they are using this app to give updates during the day about what is going on with the baby - like if he had lunch, nappy changed, went out in the garden, had his nap. This was said is the norm. It has been a few weeks not a single post was published on the app, I ask every day about his day when I pick him up. They tell me all the updates and are very kind and caring. However during the day - nothing. Even if I write the message on the app asking for an update explicitly - maybe someone answers towards end of day. But mostly not. Whatever you ask they keep smiling and saying - oh yes sure we will make sure to do it... But nothing. The shocking bit is that the published menu also doesn't match what they eat so you really do have to ask every day. Is this common? Am I expecting too much? Is there a way to change this without them hating on my baby then and leaving thim to cry because I was PITA. For a reference - this is London.

timetodeclutter · 10/04/2024 20:16

@JustMarriedBecca

"But in hindsight, EYFS provision is entirely childcare whilst you work and socialisation for the kids. It adds nothing to a child's development - anything they can do by school age comes from the parents."

Not true for my DD! I often find out she knows things (songs, dances, saying she needs the toilet, taking shoes off at the door etc) that I haven't taught her. It's really funny actually, when you unknowingly activate a dormant knowledge nugget (say, by putting on a song and she starts doing a specific dance).

Abbimae · 10/04/2024 20:18

What on earth did people do before all this app crap!

InTheRainOnATrain · 10/04/2024 20:20

Abbimae · 10/04/2024 20:18

What on earth did people do before all this app crap!

Got the same information written on a sheet of paper minus any photos?

republicofjam · 10/04/2024 20:24

hockityponktas · 10/04/2024 20:12

Jesus well give yourself a little pat on the back for being such a good parent and teaching your children all these things.

I hope when your children were at nursery you managed to keep your opinions to yourself and not the demoralise the practitioners even more they already are.

I can assure you that socialisation is absolutely not the only thing that children get from nursery.
(most) nurseries work really hard to ensure that the children have access to a wide and varied curriculum with learning opportunities that they would not get elsewhere.

Practitioners work incredibly hard for very little money and to hear how little some parents think of us and don’t appreciate what we do is really sad.

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This.

CelesteCunningham · 10/04/2024 20:35

hockityponktas · 10/04/2024 20:12

Jesus well give yourself a little pat on the back for being such a good parent and teaching your children all these things.

I hope when your children were at nursery you managed to keep your opinions to yourself and not the demoralise the practitioners even more they already are.

I can assure you that socialisation is absolutely not the only thing that children get from nursery.
(most) nurseries work really hard to ensure that the children have access to a wide and varied curriculum with learning opportunities that they would not get elsewhere.

Practitioners work incredibly hard for very little money and to hear how little some parents think of us and don’t appreciate what we do is really sad.

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Please trust me that most parents see you, appreciate you and know that you're paid the square root of fuck all compared to your value to us and our children.

ThinWomansBrain · 10/04/2024 20:38

do you want them to take care of your child or spend all day taking pictures of it and sending messages?

Nearlyamumoftwo · 10/04/2024 20:46

Hi @ElbiTut

Kindly, why do you want updates? Or rather why do you need them? You’ll be contacted if something dreadful happens and you’ll be told at pick up how many helpings of lunch they had! You don’t need to know half way through the day!

its the most bizarre concept: why do parents need to know at 10:30am that their kid had their nappy changed??? All photos which are taken (if they do) will be sent to you if you ask. If you have constant updates then you’ll get a shock when school starts.

it must cause immense pressure for the team, not to mention anxiety for parents. I wouldn’t send my child to a nursery that has an app - I’d rather the team be engaging and nurturing my kid rather than walking around with an iPad.

you’re absolutely better off without the app! Unless it’s a trust issue which is a different matter entirely

StormingNorman · 10/04/2024 20:48

Would you want your nursery fees to go up so they can pay for a social media manager? Sounds like the app was a good idea in theory but they’ve realised it’s not practical to update an app every time they change a nappy.

Original poster

ElbiTut · 10/04/2024 20:56

Nearlyamumoftwo · 10/04/2024 20:46

Hi @ElbiTut

Kindly, why do you want updates? Or rather why do you need them? You’ll be contacted if something dreadful happens and you’ll be told at pick up how many helpings of lunch they had! You don’t need to know half way through the day!

its the most bizarre concept: why do parents need to know at 10:30am that their kid had their nappy changed??? All photos which are taken (if they do) will be sent to you if you ask. If you have constant updates then you’ll get a shock when school starts.

it must cause immense pressure for the team, not to mention anxiety for parents. I wouldn’t send my child to a nursery that has an app - I’d rather the team be engaging and nurturing my kid rather than walking around with an iPad.

you’re absolutely better off without the app! Unless it’s a trust issue which is a different matter entirely

Tbh I agree with your points totally. That is totally practical and reasonable.
For me at this stageI think it is a mixture of what I have been told I will get as my reassurance during the day and the fact we are just few weeks in. Up till now I have been around him pretty much 24/7 and it comes just natural to me to know where he is and if he is content every moment 😅 I think it is because it's still early days, it hurts me to see him crying when I leave him so I want to know if he is feeling ok.
I am sure later on I will trust everything is fine by default...

OP posts:

Nearlyamumoftwo · 10/04/2024 21:13

ElbiTut · 10/04/2024 20:56

Tbh I agree with your points totally. That is totally practical and reasonable.
For me at this stageI think it is a mixture of what I have been told I will get as my reassurance during the day and the fact we are just few weeks in. Up till now I have been around him pretty much 24/7 and it comes just natural to me to know where he is and if he is content every moment 😅 I think it is because it's still early days, it hurts me to see him crying when I leave him so I want to know if he is feeling ok.
I am sure later on I will trust everything is fine by default...

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Yes, it’s hard and I still love spotting and observing him for ages before he spots me at pickup so I can see what he’s doing without him seeing me.

but honestly it’s just a new phase of parenting - after a few days it will be second nature leaving him. Honestly, knowing what they’re up to all the time is not good!

JustMarriedBecca · 10/04/2024 22:05

AmusedMaker · 10/04/2024 19:50

My baby will start nursery when she’s 11 months old, she isn’t going to be able to tell me she didn’t like her tea so didn’t eat it and is hungry!

absolutely - but why can’t the staff member tell you that at pick up? You don’t need an app to pass on info.

I think at the end of the day though the feedback is generic. We used to laugh at the standard "They've had a GREAT day" which we'd hear being said to the other 8 parents picking up at 5.30pm.

Rycbar · 10/04/2024 22:35

JustMarriedBecca · 10/04/2024 22:05

I think at the end of the day though the feedback is generic. We used to laugh at the standard "They've had a GREAT day" which we'd hear being said to the other 8 parents picking up at 5.30pm.

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More often than not they have had a great day.
We’d let you know if they didn’t. We know the children and we know what they’ve been up to. We know how much they’ve eaten. Trust me, what’s put on the app would be exactly the same as what’s said at the end of the day.

jannier · 10/04/2024 22:38

JustMarriedBecca · 10/04/2024 19:44

I think it is. The EYFS objectives set by the government are absolute pish. Not the fault of the nurseries, just rubbish targets.

As I said. The socialisation aspect is the benefit IMO.

Everything they learnt at nursery (or with us) they re did at school anyway. And both ours could write, knew their basic tables (if not all) and read by the time they started reception. That didn't come from nursery, that was 100% parental and family involvement.

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In nursery they are supposed to be strengthening muscles, building fine motor control, being independent, sharing and turn taking. Playing is important to develop thinking and creativity they shouldn't be sat learning formally.

HMW1906 · 10/04/2024 22:49

YABU Do you want them to actually look after your child and do activities, etc with them or spend half their time sat on an app writing updates for your child and all the other children in their care?

I have 2 children at the same nursery (3y and 1y). The 3 year olds room doesn’t even use the app and just verbally tell me what he’s eaten, activities, etc. The 1 year olds room does use the app but don’t usually update it until around 5-5:30pm presumably when enough of the children have been picked up for 1 of the staff to be able to sit and do the updates for every child, then I get a notification of what he’s eaten, naps, nappies and usually a few photos, i usually don’t even see the update on the app until after I’ve picked him up so I usually get the same update verbally too. I’d much rather they do it this way rather than them updating it through the day and potentially ignoring my child whilst they do it.

Thecastle1 · 10/04/2024 22:54

Is there a way to change this without them hating on my baby then and leaving thim to cry because I was PITA.

They would never do this!

Thecastle1 · 10/04/2024 23:01

Curioushorse · 10/04/2024 13:52

I'd be suspicious of any nursery that had time to update regularly on an app for all their children.

Also, just going to mention that, as an English teacher, there is a 'type' of person who goes into working in a nursery. All our very nice, hardworking girls who struggle to get GCSEs go off to do childcare courses. They're the 'type' of girl you absolutely do want looking after your children- they would be diligent, delightful, and engage with your kids, while doing a fabulous job. But they would find literacy tasks challenging.

This comment is not only horrible but completely irrelevant. Even people who struggle with literacy would be able to write a few comments about what a baby has eaten on an app! You don't need a gcse to do that.

Most logical reason they're not updating it is because they're focusing on looking after the children.

I'd be pleased the app is at the bottom of their priorities.

Thecastle1 · 10/04/2024 23:18

JustMarriedBecca · 10/04/2024 15:55

We used to get a generic "ate X for lunch" which was clearly a generic daily update programmed with a button for all, some, none on an individual basis.
Then a half termly report which was like a coloured wheel based on EYFS objectives. Maybe once a week we'd get a photo dump.

He was happy enough.

But in hindsight, EYFS provision is entirely childcare whilst you work and socialisation for the kids. It adds nothing to a child's development - anything they can do by school age comes from the parents.

I say this as someone whose kids were at nursery in London, suburbs and then rural forest school and school nursery up North i.e. we had a few nurseries.

And if you think you get no updates at nursery, wait until school. Your kid will tell you everything is "fine" and you get 10 minutes from the teacher (timed to include your sitting and exit) twice a year.

EYFS provision is entirely childcare whilst you work and socialisation for the kids. It adds nothing to a child's development - anything they can do by school age comes from the parents.

Not true and makes no sense. You think that only parents can add to their own child's development, but other adults can't? So many different things influence a child's development.

It's actually quite sad to see how people on this thread look down on the people looking after their babies and toddlers.

CelesteCunningham · 10/04/2024 23:22

Thecastle1 · 10/04/2024 23:18

EYFS provision is entirely childcare whilst you work and socialisation for the kids. It adds nothing to a child's development - anything they can do by school age comes from the parents.

Not true and makes no sense. You think that only parents can add to their own child's development, but other adults can't? So many different things influence a child's development.

It's actually quite sad to see how people on this thread look down on the people looking after their babies and toddlers.

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Not to mention that socialisation is one of the most important areas of development at this age, surely. I don't care if my 3yo knows any letters but I definitely want her learning to take turns and play nicely.

babyproblems · 10/04/2024 23:28

Ours have an ap where they put pictures but not every day, maybe 3 out of 5 days they will. We also have to give lunch for them to take so this removes the issue of the menu… you could offer to provide lunch and say you would like to be sure of what he is eating.. but then you’d have to make it! It’s a bit of a pain but I have no choice. Have you spoken with the manager about updates? If they don’t respond still you could call them and ask how the day is going although they might get a bit annoyed..

Infinity234 · 10/04/2024 23:40

I work in a pre-school, we have an app…for us this is primarily to track children’s progress. Each member of staff has a different day of the week where they have some free time to catch up on writing and publishing observations and pictures. Some parents don’t seem to understand that we don’t have time during the day usually to just be sending pictures.

Infinity234 · 10/04/2024 23:43

Wow @Curioushorse! I have 10 GCSEs all As and Bs… also got a 2:1 in my Joint Honours degree in History & Sociology. I work in a pre-school, but I’m far from stupid.

JockTamsonsBairns · 10/04/2024 23:59

My children's nursery school uses an app. This is their main form of communication to save time during hangovers, the nursery is the best in the area

@hereiamnowwoo what a fabulous typo!

Crystallizedring · 11/04/2024 08:38

JustMarriedBecca · 10/04/2024 15:55

We used to get a generic "ate X for lunch" which was clearly a generic daily update programmed with a button for all, some, none on an individual basis.
Then a half termly report which was like a coloured wheel based on EYFS objectives. Maybe once a week we'd get a photo dump.

He was happy enough.

But in hindsight, EYFS provision is entirely childcare whilst you work and socialisation for the kids. It adds nothing to a child's development - anything they can do by school age comes from the parents.

I say this as someone whose kids were at nursery in London, suburbs and then rural forest school and school nursery up North i.e. we had a few nurseries.

And if you think you get no updates at nursery, wait until school. Your kid will tell you everything is "fine" and you get 10 minutes from the teacher (timed to include your sitting and exit) twice a year.

Another parent who has no idea how much work nurseries do. If they are such awful places and you taught your children so much perhaps you should have kept them at home.

republicofjam · 11/04/2024 10:10

jannier · 10/04/2024 22:38

In nursery they are supposed to be strengthening muscles, building fine motor control, being independent, sharing and turn taking. Playing is important to develop thinking and creativity they shouldn't be sat learning formally.

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Absolutely this. The smug ignorance of a couple of the posters on this thread is deeply dispiriting and give off a strong vibe of knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

JMSA · 11/04/2024 10:16

If your child is happy, nurtured and well looked after ... who cares?