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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send requested photos to dc’s dad?

36 replies

Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:42

I have Two children ds (9) dd(8) and there dad is not massively involved. He’s seen them probably collectively for about 6 hours out of choice in the last 3 months and pays child support on an order as he refused to pay on his own accord for over a year. I haven’t heard for him in a couple of weeks and he’s requested photos of the children. It’s really rubbed me up the wrong way as I’ve been a completely solo working parent for the entire Easter holidays without a single break and have taken them to so many lovely places. I am exhausted though and i just feel like he didn’t deserve them. I know it’s petty and will probably cause an argument but I’m tempted to just say that i haven’t taken any photos of them recently and leave it at that. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JMSA · 09/04/2024 17:46

Cheeky bastard. He can actually spend time with them and take his own bloody photos.
Infuriatingly, he'd probably use them for social media to make himself look like a loving father 🙄

JMSA · 09/04/2024 17:46

Oh, and YANBU at all Flowers
You sound like a fab mum.

Sirzy · 09/04/2024 17:47

if he wants photos he can spend time with the children to take some.

i wouldn’t even bother responding!

Maray1967 · 09/04/2024 17:48

That is exactly what I would write.

You do not owe him photos.

He owes your children proper attention. He’s the one who needs to do something.

Pantaloons99 · 09/04/2024 17:48

This behaviour is pathetic - him not you. It's like breadcrumbing. Feigning interest and hoping you will be satisfied with that crumb. Absolutely do not send them.

TotoroElla · 09/04/2024 17:49

Tell him to take his own photos!!

xyz111 · 09/04/2024 17:49

Agree with others, I would just reply "you're welcome to arrange a visit to see them". And don't be drawn into any further discussion (unless it's a positive one!!)

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/04/2024 17:49

Tell him he can take as many pics of them as he likes- when he's looking after them

He's probably been asked to show his kids by some lady friend who he's been playing Father of the Year to

Screw that!

TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 09/04/2024 17:49

Just reply "Hi, sorry I don't have any recent photos of them. Perhaps you can take some next time you see them?"

YANBU - what a CF!

ZipZapZoom · 09/04/2024 17:49

Not unreasonable at all. If he wants pictures of them maybe he should parent them and he can take as many pictures as his heart desires.

It would take every fiber in me to not reply telling him the above so I'd just ignore his text to be honest .

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:50

don't explain, don't excuse yourself, don't apologise.

to his request I'd say something along the lines;

him; I'd like pictures of the kids over Easter
me; I'd like maintenance payments... It's not my job to provide you with photographs, I'd be happy to discuss access and visitation for you, where you can see and look after your children and that should give you plenty of opportunity to take some photos. I won't be providing you with photos.

Original poster
Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:52

Oh good, I haven’t replied yet because I’m seething so didn’t want to overreact. I think I still better give it half an hour 😂

OP posts:
ZipZapZoom · 09/04/2024 17:53

Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:52

Oh good, I haven’t replied yet because I’m seething so didn’t want to overreact. I think I still better give it half an hour 😂

Probably sensible.

Although I'm now questioning what's more unreasonable his request or the fact 13% of those who have voted actually think you're unreasonable??

PBandJ111 · 09/04/2024 18:09

If he messaged you today, leave it a few days to rsvp

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/04/2024 18:10

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:50

don't explain, don't excuse yourself, don't apologise.

to his request I'd say something along the lines;

him; I'd like pictures of the kids over Easter
me; I'd like maintenance payments... It's not my job to provide you with photographs, I'd be happy to discuss access and visitation for you, where you can see and look after your children and that should give you plenty of opportunity to take some photos. I won't be providing you with photos.

This. What an absolute jerk he is.

dirtyblond · 09/04/2024 18:10

Send him lots of photos of them having a lovely time with you, and him missing out on all of it

DrJoanAllenby · 09/04/2024 18:38

Get a photo off the internet of children that have the same colour hair and send it to him.

If he replies saying that's not them then tell him 'How would you know? You've hardly seen them?!'

Concannon88 · 09/04/2024 18:39

If he saw them he could take his own photos or wouldn't need them

missin · 09/04/2024 18:48

My abusive ex once got upset I had sent him photos - he wasn't emotionally ready for them apparently (he was very absent from them, his own choice after split)

Just don't respond to that tbh, yeah there's plenty of snarky things you can tell them but IME it doesn't change anything and just provides the row they're hoping for to excuse themselves from doing anything themselves

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 09/04/2024 18:51

DrJoanAllenby · 09/04/2024 18:38

Get a photo off the internet of children that have the same colour hair and send it to him.

If he replies saying that's not them then tell him 'How would you know? You've hardly seen them?!'

Smilelove it.

HanaJane · 09/04/2024 19:15

Yeah this would annoy me too, if he wants photos he should spend time with his kids and take some! I used to have this with a family member, hardly saw them but they would ask for photos of my kids then next thing they would be on facebook Angry
Just ignore the message and say you forgot if he asks about it?

StripeyDeckchair · 09/04/2024 19:23

In the future take loads of the three of you together & only send those to him.

He can't pass them off as his (fictitious) days out then.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 09/04/2024 19:25

I would leave it until the weekend and then reply telling him that's a great idea, you can do a photo swap of the kids, he can go first.

I would really want to photoshop their faces onto photos of extreme sports and dangerous situations and send them to him though 🤣

ByUmberViewer · 09/04/2024 19:28

Honestly just ignore the request. You're not his PA. I think this might be him wanting you to jump when he says so, like a power/control thing, as opposed to actually wanting photo's of the kids.

Just because someone messages you, doesn't mean you have to respond.

Luckydog7 · 09/04/2024 19:32

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/04/2024 17:49

Tell him he can take as many pics of them as he likes- when he's looking after them

He's probably been asked to show his kids by some lady friend who he's been playing Father of the Year to

Screw that!

Edited

Was thinking exactly the same. Someone has noticed he doesn't have pictures of them around the house or on his phone.