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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended?

71 replies

Glittered · 09/04/2024 17:35

So Ive been seeing a guy for a few weeks
we met online
hit it off straight away. Ive been very selective and saw no red flags
we get on so well and the chemistry was there more so in person

fast forward a few weeks and he said something the other day that has made me rethink the whole thing

we both love banter. i laugh so much when Im with him

He is new to online dating but I was honest and told him Ive been on a few dates but they just werent matches in real life

He constantly calls me a veteran in the online dating world. Ive laughed it off but it does get tiresome he says its just his sense of humour

The other day after we spent a great couple days together he 'jockingly' called me a slag

this was in a text
I was actually quite offended

I didnt reply for a while but eventually told him not to ever call me that again even as a joke.

His reply? he simply put 'soz'

well Im just not good with this.
We still talk but i feel he has gone quiet a bit since this

AIBU?

OP posts:
Laiste · 09/04/2024 17:37

??

Jokingly called you a slag?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/04/2024 17:39

I'd be furious. He needs to apologise properly. It may have been an innocent mistake, taking the banter too far, but he needs to know that he's taken it too far and not do it again.

workshy46 · 09/04/2024 17:39

Eh no, would never ever ever see someone again who called me that. He says who he is really and what he thinks of women

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/04/2024 17:40

When someone shows you who they really are, and all that….

Original poster
Glittered · 09/04/2024 17:42

Thankyou girls. this is how im feeling
I thought back to all my past relationships with men and not one of them have ever said that even as a joke! and some of them were idiots
so im not over reacting?
Im upset to be honest and the reply of
soz? wtf?
hes 44 yrs old btw

OP posts:
JMSA · 09/04/2024 17:42

He sounds like a bit of a tit. He is certainly testing your boundaries, to see what he can get away with. This isn't a good sign, but well-done you for calling him out on his behaviour.

ginasevern · 09/04/2024 17:43

Block him and move on. You can do better than that.

MILTOBE · 09/04/2024 17:47

I'd dump him for both calling you a slag and saying "soz".

Original poster
Glittered · 09/04/2024 17:48

MILTOBE · 09/04/2024 17:47

I'd dump him for both calling you a slag and saying "soz".

that's exactly what my best friend said. she said the non apology was shite

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:56

all depends on the context. if it was back and forth in the context of "banter" and he's northern then its closer to a term of endearment

ilovemybedcushions · 09/04/2024 18:01

Absolute red flag 🚩
I had something very similar a few months back with a man I met OLD. He claimed to be really inexperienced with online dating and though I never insinuated that I'd been on loads of dates I said I had been on a few but been clear that these were coffee type dates (so no suggestion I'd slept with any of them, not that it mattered!)

Anyway after a few drinks one night when we were together he referred to me as "Miss Promiscuous"... I didn't take kindly to this one bit and despite the fact he did apologise profusely I knew I'd never move past it and that somewhere in his mind he had that view of me and it would come up again... he showed other slight signs of being jealous and insecure.

I never saw him again.

DrJoanAllenby · 09/04/2024 18:01

This is banter and amusing -

Calling you a slag isn't.

shellyleppard · 09/04/2024 18:04

Glittered he sounds about 12 ...... sorry but I think he's shown his true colours. Very immature and can't even be arsed to apologise properly??? I'd be ditching that toot sweet (fast) !!!

OhGoodItsRainingAgain · 09/04/2024 18:05

True colours. 🚩

Original poster
Glittered · 09/04/2024 18:07

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:56

all depends on the context. if it was back and forth in the context of "banter" and he's northern then its closer to a term of endearment

so i was giving him a compliment about something
he replied with 'well i have been doing it about 30 yrs'

i said yeah same lol

then he called me a slag with laughing emojis

OP posts:
JellyIegs · 09/04/2024 18:07

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:56

all depends on the context. if it was back and forth in the context of "banter" and he's northern then its closer to a term of endearment

I am northern and if anyone called me a slag I’d go apeshit.

OP he shouldn’t even have it in his vocabulary! Then to just send back ‘soz’ when you raise it as in issue! I need the smelling salts.

Original poster
Glittered · 09/04/2024 18:08

ilovemybedcushions · 09/04/2024 18:01

Absolute red flag 🚩
I had something very similar a few months back with a man I met OLD. He claimed to be really inexperienced with online dating and though I never insinuated that I'd been on loads of dates I said I had been on a few but been clear that these were coffee type dates (so no suggestion I'd slept with any of them, not that it mattered!)

Anyway after a few drinks one night when we were together he referred to me as "Miss Promiscuous"... I didn't take kindly to this one bit and despite the fact he did apologise profusely I knew I'd never move past it and that somewhere in his mind he had that view of me and it would come up again... he showed other slight signs of being jealous and insecure.

I never saw him again.

yes that crossed my mind too
that somewhere in his thought process there is some truth in his thoughts about me being a slag

OP posts:
JustFrustrated · 09/04/2024 18:09

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:56

all depends on the context. if it was back and forth in the context of "banter" and he's northern then its closer to a term of endearment

Northern - slag is not a term of endearment.

FriedGold · 09/04/2024 18:09

Was it in a Gavin and Stacey way?! “You slag, YOU slag, you SLAAAG” type thing? Or were you actually having a conversation where slag would be a judgement on you? For example:
you - “I got with my ex 1 week after a break up” him - “slag”

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 18:11

FriedGold · 09/04/2024 18:09

Was it in a Gavin and Stacey way?! “You slag, YOU slag, you SLAAAG” type thing? Or were you actually having a conversation where slag would be a judgement on you? For example:
you - “I got with my ex 1 week after a break up” him - “slag”

I was meaning this type... “You slag, YOU slag, you SLAAAG” type thing?

@JustFrustrated @JellyIegs

SiobhanSharpe · 09/04/2024 18:13

it's one indication of how he thinks - an ugly word and an even uglier concept.

Americano75 · 09/04/2024 18:13

Jesus, no.

And 'soz'? From a 44 year old? Puke.

Cbljgdpk · 09/04/2024 18:16

No I would not be having that, not at all

KimberleyClark · 09/04/2024 18:17

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:56

all depends on the context. if it was back and forth in the context of "banter" and he's northern then its closer to a term of endearment

My DH is a northerner and would never call me a slag in any context.

Farahfawsett · 09/04/2024 18:18

Nope.

How has he got to 44yrs old and not realised that this isn't acceptable (both calling a woman a slag and 'soz')??

A woman who has been on dates prior to meeting him 😱🙄

He'll be telling you your not "pure" next.

This shrieks of alpha male misogyny; dump & move on.