To leave my job?

[IncognitoUsername]

I’ve worked in education for nearly 30 years. It’s not the same job that I went into - the pressures are different and the lack of respect from children and parents makes it very stressful. I’m on ADs, can’t get through an evening without a glass of wine, dread going to work etc. Last night DH said that he’s fed up of seeing me like this and that I don’t need to go to work. I could leave and then look for something else without any time pressures.
Half of me feels so relieved, the other feels like a failure. There are some lovely aspects of the job and some people I would miss. Pls the fact that I’ve never not had a job - since I was 15. I only had 3 months mat leave. Plus I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life! Should I just stick with what I know or quit??

Why not research what other things you might be interested in whilst you’re still in your job and perhaps look at opportunities to retrain.

It’s not failure, it’s really hard to be in education these days and you’ve obviously got a strong work ethic. Give yourself a break!

Can I ask if you are on the SLT, if yes, the Headrest UK might be a good place to go to have a chat.

I’m not, but thanks for the suggestion. I’m sure there is a similar group for other staff.

I will ask a friend who helped set it up where you can turn to and get some support and then DM you.

There seems to be quite a lot going on in your OP.

Firstly I would say that not many jobs have “no time pressure” especially if you want a reasonable salary. You could become a freelance tutor / supply teacher/ run your own business and that might work okay, but you can’t necessarily expect to make as much money that way.

You already know that self-medicating with alcohol is a bad idea. Did you consider quitting alcohol completely?

Are you finding time to get proper exercise and sleep?

Are the ADs a new thing and is that depression entirely work-related? What else is going on in your life, if not?

How old are you - is menopause a factor?

You mentioned dh says you don’t need to work … is it because your dh earns enough to support you both?

How supportive is your dh - some will leave you struggling with children to raise, household to organise, elder care, and all the life admin - and then give you sympathy and make you feel like your only option is to stay home and be a full-time wife and mum. Often the better answer would be they take 90% of the strain of managing the home for a while. So maybe dh goes down to 4 days a week and so do you, and then between you everything can be accomplished more easily.

I wonder if you could consider going down to 2 or 3 days a week and see if that helps rather than quit and end up in a low paid job.

I'd do it in a heartbeat!

Would you consider going into the admin side of schools....particularly private schools and the admissions department. With your experience, you would be a very valuable candidate.

Could you go part time?

Do you need the money or are you able to quit and take your time finding something less stressful? You absolutely wouldn't be unreasonable to leave, and 30 years isn't what I would call a failure!

You'd be insane not to, IMO, if that's the effect it is having on you.

find another role - pastoral roles in schools pay well?

No. Another person in my position asked recently and was told no.

Join the Facebook group- life after the classroom . Some great advice there

Thanks for the replies. DH earns enough for us to live on ok - no foreign holidays for a while but no money worries.
I am menopausal and have high blood pressure. Had a home BP monitor and the difference this week (school holiday) has been noticeable. DH is very work driven and would not be able to drop to four days, nor would he want to. I do most of the cooking, food shopping etc but we all share the housework, including DS. I have a friend who tutors and have asked if I can have a chat with her about that.

Resign before the term off, which gives you about three months before you stop earning, and hopefully, that will release you enough to think about what you could do. If you don't find anything immediately, then it doesn't matter. Although it's high pressure teaching is pretty well paid, particularly if you include pensions etc, but you could probably get a good % of what you earn without the stress.

Pastoral roles in schools do NOT pay well, at least not well enough and in the roles with above-average pay, stress is almost as high as teaching. I am at the top of my salary band and there is nowhere higher. I work a 60-70 hour week and my head is constantly full of other people's children, often to the neglect of my own. I run the risk of being in court or imprisoned if I fuck up. I earn £25k. It's not worth it.
I am looking for something less stressful but the only thing that makes me stay is the 6 week summer holiday, even though I only have 4 weeks where I don't actually work.
Look outside education, OP, but I think you already know that.

It sounds like a break from work would do you the world of good OP- you need to put your health first here. Your husband is worried about you and I wouldn't ignore that.

I'm sure that in 30 years you have made a difference to many pupils- I certainly wouldn't class that as a failure! If you don't want to disclose your true feelings to colleagues, just explain you have health issues and need to put these first (which is true)

Don't rush in to a new role- take some time to think about what is manageable for you and what skills and interests you would like to use- plus the useful facebook group that a pp mentioned

Thanks. That’s almost word for word what DH said.

He sounds like a wise man

Seriously though, he is concerned and is trying to support you as a good partner should. It's time to put yourself first and let your mental and physical health recover

Lots of people have a change of direction after many years in a particular career- perhaps think about it as developing in a new direction?

You need to let go of the notion that you’ve failed or that it’s wrong to take some time out. It isn’t. Your work ethic is strong, but you’ve done your time in school and take a step back to consider options for a while. You have the support of your family, which is the important thing and you might find new and exciting opportunities arise.

In the same boat OP. I’m a TA and already having panic attacks about going back next week. The pressure, lack of appreciation and courtesy, the politics, behaviour , a teacher I don’t get along with, lack of support with SEND …. I’m broken. My husband just said leave and take time out - he earns 11 times my salary so we dont rely on mine . It’s a no brainier but I just cant quite contemplate not earning my own salary . I’m in such a quandary.

Have you considered another role in education? There are lots of freelance posts for example writing/examining for exam boards, consultancy roles etc.

Or working for a teacher association/union, educational charity, or even an exam board as a permanent staff member (they recruit lots of former teachers and value their expertise). Some of these organisations are now largely home based post pandemic.

You have 30 years of teaching experience, I’m sure plenty of educational companies would value that. It’s worth thinking outside of teaching, good luck!

Really? You're having panic attacks about going back to work and don't need the income but you're not sure what to do? 🤯

Teaching is horrendous.

Take all the sick pay you can

Meanwhile make plans to leave

Then leave

Don't feel guilty