To sack off nephew's 1st birthday

[Biggybigbiggles]

My family live abroad, couple of hours on a plane. I've visited 4 times in the last year (I hate going due to a combo of bad memories there and not enjoying being around my sister since she became a mum) but try to make an effort.

I've booked with partner to go out for nephew's birthday, it's a small at home get together.

Due to partners work/cost of flights we arrive on the day of the party a few hours after it starts but are staying 3 subsequent days. I've just told my sister and she's got in a massive huff about us missing the party and why couldn't I have made the effort to go the previous day.

I'm now tempted to just not go altogether, we have not gotten on at all since her having a baby. I feel often like she talks to me like a bit of shit on her shoe and I'm essentially a glorified slave when I visit.

Any attempt from me to help with anything is met with 'Don't do that, you can only help if you do exactly what I say, why did you do it like that?' Etc.

It's not in my nature to be confrontational but I'm getting so fucking pissed off.

So...

YABU - suck it up and go to the party
YANBU - I wouldn't go either

Are you a godparent or is the 1st birthday some massive big deal culturally?

Unless the tickets and airbnb are refundable I'd go but
a) set some expectations about your plans for next year whether it's travelling elsewhere, work commitments, saving for X or whatever.
b) go out with your BF. You're not there to be her slave
c) ask her if she's alright as her complete personality change indicates she may be unwell and you are concerned.
d) consider whether you should set expectations as to how long you are planning to save money for your nephew. Set a target value or date. Birthday presents and Christmas after that or whatever. Or do you save for all your nieces and nephews?

It's one thing not to fly out for the party (especially as you have made an effort to visit so many times). But it's another to book tickets and then cancel them. Your family would be justifiably upset. I think you should go as planned.

I think you need a conversation with your ds about her recent behaviour. But I wouldn't raise these issues on this birthday trip.

It could be that she has been struggling and might be in a better place and not so bossy when you see her next anyway.

I'd split the money you've saved between all your godchildren and your own child.

Absobloodylutely.

I think she's justifiably upset at her entitled, rude and ungrateful sister.

A one year old doesn’t know it’s their birthday. Parties at that age are nuts anyway, but I wouldn’t go through this faff for one.

Send a present and a card. That’s enough.