To not understand giving primary age kids TikTok?

[toastandtwo]

DD(10, Y5) is upset that she’s not allowed TikTok because a number of her friends have access to it (plus whatever other SM they want). She won’t be getting it but I just really don’t understand the thinking behind giving TikTok, Snapchat etc to primary aged kids. So if your pre teens are allowed these apps, what’s the reasoning?
Im genuinely curious because I only ever hear negative things so it just seems strange that parents would allow it.

Really? That’s very unusual.

I prefer TikTok to YouTube and Snapchat. There are so many ways to ensure your children can access it and stay safe. I don’t think it’s about parents who won’t say no, it’s about parents who don’t take steps to ensure it’s appropriate and safe.

Children love doing the dances, my dd and friends edited a brilliant video of them at a theme park recently.

I’ve never had an issue. But I don’t just say no because I’m scared of sm for my child but I also don’t say yes for an easy life either.

I don’t understand it either, OP. My DD is in year 4 and claims that most people in her class are on TikTok. These are 8 and 9 year olds, so they have no business being on there. It’s frustrating as those of us who hold out end up being the bad guys. Wish the government would just ban it as the US govt seems to be doing!

Be wary when kids say "but everyone is on it/using it" because typically they aren't, the kids are using it to push boundaries and see where you'll give in. For some reason as a collective all adults have given in on this issue to varying degrees.

My 10 yo can do all the TikTok she wants.
On my phone or her dad's. Next to me or her dad - not on her own.

I understand that she wants to explore too because a large number of the pupils in school /class on TikTok. We do it together.

It's crazy in my opinion. And yet the same parents act like I've given my kids class a drugs when I let them play in our local park, can see it from our house during daylight hours or that I let my y6 dd walk home from school (5 min walk), in preparation for having to catch the bus to secondary school in less than 6 months now.

Revolutionary!

Unpopular opinion - Braindead parents who couldn’t give a toss about their children’s mental health as long as they’re quiet and out of their way? It’s criminal in my mind because it’s so unhealthy and dangerous.

It's a part of parenting I find so hard to navigate. Mine (7 and 9) don't have access to any social media. They play Minecraft, Toca and various apps on their Fires. But we go round to friends houses and there's a 3 yr old sitting on Tik Tok in the corner with a dummy in his mouth and a 9 yr old playing Fortnite which he's played since he was 4. DD7 was at a party last week where the girl got a phone for her birthday. This seems to be becoming standard although we do have a few like-minded friends. Kids are used to my rhetoric about it all and hopefully they'll thank me when they're older.

The same shit parents every time isn't it

Lots of young kids are unfortunate and have morons for parents.

I use all social media platforms because my children want to use them. They have to add me as their friend, have a private profile and use it in the same room as me so we can learn together. My children edit and produce their own videos and have learned complex digital processes from doing this. They don't post very often most of the posts are kept private. It's not about the likes or the bullying it's about learning together. It's never going away so either embrace it or it will catch you out.

The thing is the shit/moron parents is an easy answer but that’s genuinely not the case here. These are educated, thoughtful people and I just can’t get my head round the approach on this particular issue. But I can’t really ask them without sounding very judgemental!

@Sometimeswinning Youre the only person who’s posted so far to say your child can access this by themselves, how do you make it ‘safe’? And even if they aren’t seeing people wanking, doesn’t it bother you that they could? And the constant marketing of inappropriate, expensive products and interference with focus/attention span that comes from constant swiping? These are genuine questions, not meant to be snarky.

So you are using sm as a learning tool @mollie7 ? I mean of course sm is about the likes and instant gratification of somebody liking or hearting a video even if it's a "private" account children are getting that instant boost of Evie from her class liking the video but what if Evie doesn't like it what then ?

Fwiw I'm not meaning to pick on any individual .

It's neglectful parenting, there's no other way to put it. Allowing primary age children access to the kind of material available on social media is incredibly damaging.

Have a look at the Smartphone free childhood campaign and Jonathan Haidt's book for strategies to help with decisions around this. I think getting in touch with like minded parents in your school or friendship group who are all willing to say no to TikTok etc can help to diffuse the 'But everyone else has it!' argument.

I agree with the poster who mentioned different generations of parents and gen zs growing up with internet so knowing the dangers.
I'm on the younger spectrum of parenthood and definitely a lot stricter about this tech stuff then a lot of older parents

I think another thing that makes it worse is divorced/separated families where the parents try to compete with each other by buying the latest tech. Or one parent is a lot more lax then the other etc causing arguments like "well mum/dad let's me do it at their house"

If you are doing this and your children are 14 Id say you are taking a very responsible approach as a parent. If they are 7 and 9 then you are just educating them on something they dont need to know about at such a young age and so is irresponsible. Whatever you think you can not stop them seeing something or being subject to something that is beyond your control.

@toastandtwo

It's called complacent parenting

their parents would soon regret it if it came back to bite them on the arse

Grooming and other types of nefarious behaviour ...

Kids are drawn in by dances etc and parents don’t see the harm, influencers parade their children online and parents don’t see the harm, children have their own (lucrative) You Tube channels and parents don’t see the harm. Some parents see digital capability as a life skill, they forget children aren’t mini adults and don’t have the cognitive processes needed to navigate this stuff, they think their kids are more capable, more trustworthy and then get caught out.

It’s parents wanting an easy life and not caring. They’re may be thoughtful and educated but they’re not using either ability on this issue.

As an infrequent user of tiktok I don’t want to see content from random 7 year olds, and I’d view any adult who does with suspicion.

The thing is the shit/moron parents is an easy answer but that’s genuinely not the case here. These are educated, thoughtful people and I just can’t get my head round the approach on this particular issue. But I can’t really ask them without sounding very judgemental!
Educated parents don't always have common sense.
Some also have a blind spot where they think that they're a naice educated family and the sort of negative impact of social media and children only happens to other families (usually poor families, dysfunctional families, 'broken' families, or any other descriptors of families that aren't naice like them). Some are also likely to assume that safeguarding issues and grooming don't happen to families like them because their children are sensible so would never access inappropriate content or misuse social media.

They're also not immune from doing things to make their lives easier. If their children are sitting on their phones, they're not demanding attention, don't have to be taken out places, parents can get on with things.

@fitzwilliamdarcy

As an infrequent user of tiktok I don’t want to see content from random 7 year olds, and I’d view any adult who does with suspicion.

I think you have pretty much summed it up right there! Its not a platform for kids made by kids. Lets face it if it was they would probably not be interested as it would be too 'babyish'.

This DS is on TikTok but it's on my phone not his and he only does it next to me. We allow Watsapp but his phone is set to no unknown numbers and I do check that only people in his chat history are known friends.

In year 6 he will start walking home alone etc so needs to be aware of the dangers. I would rather introduce things gradually than all at once. I'm only 33 if my parents said no I would find a way to get it anyway be it on an old iPhone or iPad they forgot we had. At 12 I was duel booting computers whilst my parents couldn't work windows properly!

I'm very much a okay we can try it under supervision vs him trying to get round my controls.

Brick phone?

My DD is 8 years older than yours. From when she was in year 5 it was common for her and her peers to walk to and from school and play out and they had brick phones if they had anything. Smartphones were very rare.

Interesting to see the shift in not that many years.

I'm hopeful that the tide is moving back to how it was for your DD. The parents in my younger child's friendship group are definitely a lot more aware and more concerned about smartphones, social media etc than the parents in my older daughter's group. I think the dangers are being highlighted more often in recent years and it's harder for people to ignore that.