Where to begin - I feel like I'm living in some teen drama show!!
DD is 17, in sixth form, she previously went to an 3-16 independent school and we had few issues there. It was small, she had 4 close friends. There was an aspect of underage drinking and broken curfews but school work was always done, DD was generally respectful and her friends were lovely people. For sixth form that group seems to have split, 2 have gone boarding, zero contact with them it seems. One has gone to a state sixth form then DD and her closest friend are at 2 different independent schools. DD decided she wanted to try an all girls school, I hated the idea but I felt she was old enough to decide. She is still close with the other girl who did similar.
Lately DD has been a nightmare, she'd turned into a real stereotype if I'm honest (bitchy, mean and judgemental), she has no care for her school work anymore, seems obsessed with boys, mean to other girls you name it. Also had a run in with drugs (which is seemingly rampant among these girls!) which I've managed to nip in the bud but it's relentless. She is cruel to her brother and half-sister, talks back to everyone it's truly non-stop.
Tonight it all came to a head, after breaking curfew last night, stealing money out her dads wallet (not together anymore but he passed the message on), returning back to her dads extremely drunk having told us she was with her old friend. It was made clear that until schools are back - she is not leaving the house, no phone access, she can study.
Well DD absolutely lashed out, saying we are cruel and everyone her age is drinking, we never give her enough money and so on. DS decided it would be a good time to mention her new found reputation as a bully too!
I didn't mean to but I inadvertently said, well not everyone, C (old friend from old school) isn't doing it is she! This caused DD to break down and tell me, C doesn't have to, she's pretty and smart and kind to everyone and above all of this and people just respect her naturally, and when she was at school with her she benefited from that respect. Now she's on her own she has two choices act like everyone else or be left out.
I told her at 17, she should focus on being friends with C, keep her head down and keep quiet at school. Before long she will be off to uni, none of these girls will be relevant and hopefully she will be mature enough to realise that part of the reason C is above all this is because she doesn't care about what anyone else thinks, I know for a fact people have tried to drag her into all the drama as DD told me not even a year ago everyone was talking about her because of who she'd lost her virginity to! I asked DD at the time what C was doing and she said nothing, C didn't care and that was that!! It blew over in a few days as no one was getting the satisfaction of a rise out of her!
DD is the opposite, some girl made some mean comments to DD and DD couldn't help but retaliate, the concept of "rise above it"
Is alien to DD!!
But in a genuine sense DD after going shopping or for lunch with C is a lovely girl it's when she's been around these school friends!
Now DD is distraught saying I clearly don't love her and I wish she was C and I should just send her to live with her dad all the time (we have a united front he'd say the same!).
AIBU to think that this is all a bit melodramatic and immature for 17, but to equally have no idea what to do? If it was a little underage drinking and broken curfews I could handle it, but rudeness, no effort at school, drugs, bullying and seemingly feeling a need to sleep around (and be public about it) is absolutely beyond me! I do wish she was a little more like the girl she used to be, I
Shouldn't have said I wish she was more like C but in a way it's true! I don't mean in personality but in behaviour I do!
How do I handle this?