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Original poster

To be pissed off at my siblings

30 replies

bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 16:30

They both forgot DD's 17th birthday. One forgets all the time so it's nothing new. The other forgot for the first time and did a "oh silly old me, I have the card I forgot to post it" response to my "hi, did you forget?" message .
They didn't pay her much attention when she was younger. They are a fair bit older than me and, I can only assume, were bored of that kind of parent solidarity thing. I paid loads of attention to my nieces and nephews when they were young (their kids).
They could've sent a bloody card or even just a WhatsApp message.
We generally get on pretty well as siblings. In a low level kind of way. But this is so low level it's off the bloody radar.

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KreedKafer · 08/04/2024 16:33

It's not the end of the world if a teenager's birthday card is a few days late, is it? Certainly nothing I'd get stressed about.

When I was 17 I doubt I'd even have noticed if there wasn't a card from of my aunts/uncles on the day of my birthday.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2024 16:36

My aunts and uncles never acknowledged my birthday and no one ever thought a thing of it. We were a happy, fairly close family, btw. I think you're being really silly about this. It just doesn't matter.

juice92 · 08/04/2024 16:40

I am someone who is terrible at remembering birthdays, I do not know the birthday dates of two of my siblings, I only remember if they mention their birthday or when Facebook tells me. One of my siblings has multiple children, I don't know any of their birthdays - again I rely on them mentioning it or Facebook. It is not at all personal to them and is not because of a lack of care, my brain does just not hold birthdays.

I know it is naff when people forget, but don't take it personally at all, these things can slip people's minds.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 08/04/2024 16:41

Wow massive over reaction from you!
No wonder they keep away from you and your child if this is how you behave with them.

saraclara · 08/04/2024 16:43

I'm another one who's shocking at remembering birthdays. And my nephew and niece's birthdays are often when I'm out of the country.

But we have a warm and tolerant relationship, and unless they're very good actors, they seem unbothered about the lack of card, and are very happy to get their presents whenever they happen to see me next.

StevieNicksWannabe · 08/04/2024 16:45

juice92 · 08/04/2024 16:40

I am someone who is terrible at remembering birthdays, I do not know the birthday dates of two of my siblings, I only remember if they mention their birthday or when Facebook tells me. One of my siblings has multiple children, I don't know any of their birthdays - again I rely on them mentioning it or Facebook. It is not at all personal to them and is not because of a lack of care, my brain does just not hold birthdays.

I know it is naff when people forget, but don't take it personally at all, these things can slip people's minds.

In this modern world there is a myriad of solutions to enable you to be reminded. Yes, things do slip peoples' minds but people who care and don't want to forget every time, make use of the solutions at their disposal.

Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 16:52

@StevieNicksWannabe , this pretty much is what I thought

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Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 16:54

Thanks @MiddleagedBeachbum , they've had a "oh never mind" from me. So they don't know my real feelings

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PassingStranger · 08/04/2024 17:02

juice92 · 08/04/2024 16:40

I am someone who is terrible at remembering birthdays, I do not know the birthday dates of two of my siblings, I only remember if they mention their birthday or when Facebook tells me. One of my siblings has multiple children, I don't know any of their birthdays - again I rely on them mentioning it or Facebook. It is not at all personal to them and is not because of a lack of care, my brain does just not hold birthdays.

I know it is naff when people forget, but don't take it personally at all, these things can slip people's minds.

Get a diary write them in there.
.

fieldsofbutterflies · 08/04/2024 17:06

I don't think I ever got cards from my aunts and uncles growing up!

Honestly, it's only a big deal if you make it one.

Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:08

@fieldsofbutterflies sending a WhatsApp message is hardly a chore

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fieldsofbutterflies · 08/04/2024 17:10

bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:08

@fieldsofbutterflies sending a WhatsApp message is hardly a chore

I never said it was.

It's also not a big deal if they don't send one.

PassingStranger · 08/04/2024 17:11

fieldsofbutterflies · 08/04/2024 17:10

I never said it was.

It's also not a big deal if they don't send one.

Show quote history

It is to the recipient. Try and see it from the other side.

TunaCrunchy · 08/04/2024 17:12

I don’t think it’s a biggie.

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 08/04/2024 17:13

You're overreacting.

Createausername1970 · 08/04/2024 17:18

I never got birthday cards or presents from my aunt's or uncles, unless we happened to be seeing them. As far as I know, my mum didn't send cards or presents to my cousins.

My sister always remembers my son's birthday, DH's brother never does, so DS has grown up aware that not every one he knows, or is related to, sends him a card or a present. I was also very clear as he was growing up that once he turned 18 it would most likely drop off anyway.

It is a bit sad the first time you realise you are growing up and the cards and presents have diminished, but it's fairly normal.

SpudleyLass · 08/04/2024 17:19

I think 17 is old enough for it to not really be that big of a deal but do think it's crap that they haven't reciprocated for your daughter over the years. I'd be miffed about that.

In a not too dissimilar situation ATM in that one particular sibling and his wife have not thanked us now for both Christmas presents and a present for a birthday just gone.

Was considering starting an arms race by buying a very annoying present for the next birthday but they'd likely have a snit so it's not worth the trouble.

Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:21

I've obviously said nothing to DD. But she has cards from her Dad's siblings so ..

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Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:24

@SpudleyLass I'd've got a lot of grief from them if I'd never bothered with their kids

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Member984815 · 08/04/2024 17:24

I've always done cards or presents for my nieces and nephews , it's not always reciprocated. It's not something that would upset me or the child either way. Did the teenager bring it up or is it something that's just bothering you?

fieldsofbutterflies · 08/04/2024 17:24

PassingStranger · 08/04/2024 17:11

It is to the recipient. Try and see it from the other side.

Show quote history

I'm speaking from experience, is that not good enough? lol.

I never received cards or messages from aunts and uncles growing up - it genuinely never bothered me.

Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:25

@Member984815 , it's bothering me. I've not mentioned it to her at all obviously

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Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:27

Ok, the consensus is I'm BU.

Thanks everyone

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SpudleyLass · 08/04/2024 17:30

bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:24

@SpudleyLass I'd've got a lot of grief from them if I'd never bothered with their kids

Do you still buy for their kids?

I'd stop that tbh. 18 is a decent cut off point

Original poster
bellinisurge · 08/04/2024 17:32

I usually send them a brief WhatsApp message on their birthdays. They are all in their 30s.

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