Dp going away with brothers?

Holliegee · 2024-04-07T20:05:00+00:00

So, this year is a very big birthday for me, my past life was quite dysfunctional and birthdays always bring about a lot of emotion for me. Dp has arranged to go away with his brothers for 5 days to celebrate his brothers birthday the very weekend of my birthday. aibu to be a bit fed up? I have no other family except my son to see during this time. im quite prepared to be told I’m a marry arse !! But I’m feeling a bit emotional about it.

Hatty65 · 07/04/2024 21:08

On the surface, I'd be very pissed off about this. Some questions would be, how long have you been with your partner? How long has he had this holiday with his brothers booked? Did he suggest doing anything at all to celebrate your big birthday?

Mamaspegg · 07/04/2024 21:08

You're not being unreasonable at all, I would feel the same way. I also get emotional on my birthday due to childhood issues and even if you don't want a fuss or anything made, you still expect your partner to spend the day with you. I don't really have any advice, but sending hugs!

Dearg · 07/04/2024 21:11

Do you share a birth date with your BIL? If so, I could see why the problem has arisen, but otherwise not.

It seems very uncaring for your DP to plan to leave you on your own for a significant birthday.

Have you been with DP for a long time? Other than this, is he usually quite considerate. In your shoes I would be telling him that I was unhappy with this decision. I would probably be doing a bit of re-evaluation of the relationship if he could not at least see my issue.

Allfur · 07/04/2024 21:11

That's a very clear indication of his priorities

CraftyBum · 07/04/2024 21:12

So yours is a big birthday and so is his brothers?

Original poster

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:12

Hatty65 · 07/04/2024 21:08

On the surface, I'd be very pissed off about this. Some questions would be, how long have you been with your partner? How long has he had this holiday with his brothers booked? Did he suggest doing anything at all to celebrate your big birthday?

9years, they’re just booking it now and no, I just assumed we’d go out with my son - selfishly it’s just the thought of being alone at a time I feel very vulnerable emotionally and I think I feel abandoned which is ridiculous but I do

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Original poster

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:14

Dearg · 07/04/2024 21:11

Do you share a birth date with your BIL? If so, I could see why the problem has arisen, but otherwise not.

It seems very uncaring for your DP to plan to leave you on your own for a significant birthday.

Have you been with DP for a long time? Other than this, is he usually quite considerate. In your shoes I would be telling him that I was unhappy with this decision. I would probably be doing a bit of re-evaluation of the relationship if he could not at least see my issue.

No it’s a couple of weeks apart mine is big brothers isn’t,i do share a birthday with his adult daughter so that’s always been shared whilst we’ve been together but she’s away for her bday

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Original poster

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:15

CraftyBum · 07/04/2024 21:12

So yours is a big birthday and so is his brothers?

No just mine x

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misskatamari · 07/04/2024 21:16

Yanbu AT ALL! Who the fuck does that!? What an arsehole. Has he acknowledged this? And explained why he thinks it’s perfectly okay to fuck off on one of your big birthdays???

Get your hard hat on, as the people who like to stick the boot in and tell you your the literal worst person to exist, because you care about birthdays as an adult, will be along soon - please ignore them. Empathy is severely lacking in here of late.

youre not being unreasonable and I would be very very hurt in your shoes, especially if DH hasn’t even acknowledged it and made it very clear he knows its shit but he will be making it up to you the weekend before or after. Utter utter arse

nimski · 07/04/2024 21:17

Nah sorry that's out of order. My DH would never do this.

CraftyBum · 07/04/2024 21:19

Hes just shown you his true colours right there. Did he speak to you about it? Ask was it OK given that its across your birthday? Ask did you want to do anything?

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/04/2024 21:21

He’s very uncaring OP. Sorry. Does he behave in a loving and thoughtful way normally?

Azerothi · 07/04/2024 21:23

Has your boyfriend said why he doesn't want to spend time with you on your birthday? His brother's birthday isn't really a reason, I am aware you can't force him to want to spend time with you. Is your boyfriend normally like this or is it only now when you need him he does it? Do you live together?

Original poster

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:23

CraftyBum · 07/04/2024 21:19

Hes just shown you his true colours right there. Did he speak to you about it? Ask was it OK given that its across your birthday? Ask did you want to do anything?

He’d told me they were planning it and I think it’s good that he’s going away with his brothers (they’re not young almost all of them 60 plus) I wasn’t bothered but I was told by the brother organising it it would be the weekend before or the weekend after my birthday. No he hasn’t asked if I wanted to do anything usually we have a birthday tea with his daughter and his family - I don’t have any family except my son who is grown up and doesn’t live at home, sometimes we might go for a meal.

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Tatas · 07/04/2024 21:23

Is he away the weekend of your birthday as in the actual date of your birthday is that weekend, or is your birthday midweek and he's just away that weekend?

You've been together 9 years, does he normally do lots for your birthday? I'd find it not too bad if your birthday is midweek and he's away at the weekend and he normally does lots for your birthday.

There's also the issue of you assuming you'd be doing something - the assumptions never work well! Definitely make expectations super clear. Has he planned anything for your birthday? Is it super soon?

pootlin · 07/04/2024 21:24

Tell him how you feel. If he still goes with his brothers’ then that is your cue to never make any effort for the twat’s birthday or Father’s Day again.

Original poster

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:25

Azerothi · 07/04/2024 21:23

Has your boyfriend said why he doesn't want to spend time with you on your birthday? His brother's birthday isn't really a reason, I am aware you can't force him to want to spend time with you. Is your boyfriend normally like this or is it only now when you need him he does it? Do you live together?

He will be here on my actual day but I’ll be at work because it’s midweek (sorry if I’ve misled anyone) it’s the weekend of my birthday when we would usually do something.

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DoreenonTill8 · 07/04/2024 21:26

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:23

He’d told me they were planning it and I think it’s good that he’s going away with his brothers (they’re not young almost all of them 60 plus) I wasn’t bothered but I was told by the brother organising it it would be the weekend before or the weekend after my birthday. No he hasn’t asked if I wanted to do anything usually we have a birthday tea with his daughter and his family - I don’t have any family except my son who is grown up and doesn’t live at home, sometimes we might go for a meal.

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So NOT away your birthday weekend?

Londonscallingme · 07/04/2024 21:27

Holliegee · 07/04/2024 21:25

He will be here on my actual day but I’ll be at work because it’s midweek (sorry if I’ve misled anyone) it’s the weekend of my birthday when we would usually do something.

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in which case I think this is ok. If your birthday is midweek then celebrate the weekend either side of your birthday that he is not away. I’d be fine with that.

RawBloomers · 07/04/2024 21:28

Edited as just read the massive drip feed.

Ponderingwindow · 07/04/2024 21:29

There will be plenty of people along to tell you that an adult expecting their significant other to be present on their birthday is just a spoiled brat. Please ignore them.

my XH used to do This all the time. My parents did it almost every year, taking an adults only trip. My birthday is adjacent and sometimes on a holiday weekend and it is just ever so convenient for people to want to travel. It makes it pretty clear where you stand in that person’s ranking of priorities .

NewName24 · 07/04/2024 21:29

Right.

So, your dp is with you on your birthday.

YABU.
It can't be easy to find a weekend that works for all 5 brothers. I'd be for pleased my partner that he had family he wanted to do that with.

You can enjoy your birthday with your partner, and, if you want to go out for the day or something, then arrange it, and get it in the diary, not "assume" that he knows that you want to do something on the weekend when he is going away.

AnonKat · 07/04/2024 21:31

Ponderingwindow · 07/04/2024 21:29

There will be plenty of people along to tell you that an adult expecting their significant other to be present on their birthday is just a spoiled brat. Please ignore them.

my XH used to do This all the time. My parents did it almost every year, taking an adults only trip. My birthday is adjacent and sometimes on a holiday weekend and it is just ever so convenient for people to want to travel. It makes it pretty clear where you stand in that person’s ranking of priorities .

He will be there on her birthday though. OP has been very misleading to gain sympathy.

Wolfpa · 07/04/2024 21:31

Just celebrate on the other weekend, he isn’t missing your actual birthday

Azerothi · 07/04/2024 21:32

Such an odd drip feed. Your boyfriend will be there for your birthday as it's mid week and surely could come and see you for the days leading up to the birthday and days after the birthday. You said you have emotions brought about on your birthday not days after the actual birthday. That said you can't force your boyfriend to spend time with you at any point for any reason.