To wonder if people genuinely struggle with comprehension or just enjoy being arseholes?

[Notsuretoputit]

The number of examples AIBU throws up every day is getting insane.

OP asks ‘I bought a new dress for £200 but the shade of green clashes with my shoes. I tried to take it back but the shop said it had been worn. It hasn’t and it still had the tags on. AIBU to think I should get the dress refunded?’

And the replies come:

’YABU. You can’t wear clothes then expect to get a refund!’

’YABU. Why didn’t you take your shoes with you to try it on?’

’YABU. I’d never spend £200 on a dress. See if you can get something in a sale?’

’YANBU. If you’ve bought green, for example, there’s a high risk of clashing and this is what returns policies are for! Go back and speak to a manager.’

’YABU. Why did you buy green knowing they’d clash?’

’YABU to buy something from a sale without speaking to a manager first’

’YABU. You previously posted you prefer trousers’.

It’s mad.

In charitable moments I remember the stats from the Literacy Trust that someone quoted once on here - like about 8% of the adult population in the UK is functionally illiterate (I.e. they can read the words but if it's an unfamiliar topic they might not understand them). But it's odd that every time there is a misunderstanding it's one that puts the OP in a bad light.

The ones that get me are the pedantic point missers: and can’t see the wood for the trees people.

OP: ”DH hit me because I left it too late to return a pair of shoes that don’t fit and now I can’t get a refund.

Poster: “Next’s returns policy is very clear. You need to make sure you check when buying.”

My most detested sub genre of this is the posters that pretend not to understand due to a minor spelling or grammar mistake in the post. It just makes them look thick if they can’t work out from context that the OP means bought not brought or would’ve not would of.

Then there is the “and what did your insurer say when you checked with them OP” people. Again often come off as stupid as it’s regularly used in a scenario where insurance is irrelevant anyway.

There are people on here whose intent is to be as nasty as possible. They're often the first to respond too - I think they spend a lot of time on the web. It always upsets me when OP's post with a vulnerable issue, and then are hit by the sheer malice that comes their way.

My most detested sub genre of this is the posters that pretend not to understand due to a minor spelling or grammar mistake in the post

God yes. Pass ag arseholery at its finest. What kind of person gets a frisson from grammar oneupmanship when someone has come on to a thread to talk about domestic abuse.

A lot of people struggle with comprehension. It is one of the reasons they find school difficult and don’t get high marks in English.

I have had this exact thought many times. People seem incapable of reading things properly or just read what they want to read.

I remember that thread. I didn't realise it had ended so badly for her, poor woman. I wonder if Mumsnet has a way of checking in with her?

When there is a post, sometimes an aibu , about somebody else's odd behaviour

' maybe they have dementia '

' maybe they are autistic '
Then when there are posts about autism and behaviour, it is no excuse.

Optimistic to think they read as much as that.

Completely agree some of it is deliberate and some down to poor comprehension and /or the impact of most info now coming from v v short bursts and anything longer than 100 words is too much. Maybe a bit less fronted adverbial time and a bit more basic comprehension in English and other relevant would be good..I teach humanities in secondary school and if I do a pretty basic lesson with a text book and questions because basic content needs learning it's truly scary how many can't seem to cope with the idea of even reading something as long as this post. They'll ask for the exact sentence to be pointed out or skim it and then say the info isn't there.

YANBU , but uou forgot

'Why are you buying new clothes when people can't afford to eat?'

I agree with everybody's examples. The behaviour is so blatant and so quick off the mark, that sometimes I find it hard to believe it is just coincidental. I've wondered if there could be anything else at play, like a group of people (possibly smaller than it looks - maybe a relative few with several accounts each) orchestrating these pile-ons. I mean, could there be so many nasty, borderline illiterates all ready to be vile at the drop of a hat? But why would people do this deliberately?

I'm mystified by it, and thank you for this thread, OP. Your posts and the responses you're getting are restoring my faith a bit.

I wonder sometimes if it is a form of derailing / trolling. I can understand if the OP is a mad wall of text but not reading a four line OP and then commenting is weird.

I put up a thing in Site Stuff to ask if we can report posters for this (mainly because it makes MN boring) but I shouldn’t think they’ll implement it. Partly because they’d do nothing but delete posts for not having read the OP.

I think some people are just very small minded (in the literal not the pejorative sense of the word) and often cannot grasp that an anecdote is designed to make a broader point rather than being an end in itself.

For example the people who, when presented with an example of an overreaction by a loved one to something fairly trivial, will focus on the minor thing that happened to trigger the overreaction rather than the significant point which is that the loved one is being an arse.

I sometimes have to go back to the OP and subsequent posts by the original poster to see if I’ve missed something as the thread takes off in a totally different direction with some imagined scenario.

I also struggle when a thread gets derailed on some incidental detail of the original post ie you paid by your dress by credit card, why didn’t you pay cash?

Oh OP, you’ve been done 🤣

There are also the posters who pick up on the OP’s use of a non-offensive term, usually something like hubby, and won’t let it drop. Just post after post whining about the OP who’s clearly having a hard time calling her DP ‘hubby’.

er...

😂 You could set your watch by asinine posts like that.

I've noticed a very recent trend of asking a million questions after the OP - when all the information is there.

But yes - it's just as bad when people decide to read (or not!) and OP and base a snippy response on information that isn't even remotely related to the info in the OP.

Sometimes I wonder if the responders know the OP and know they are lying as they spout such facts about their life and situation which hasn't a) been said or b) matches the I for actually given.

I managed to do this yesterday. Read a thread, missed a viral piece of info so replied with something stupid.

I'd like to think I usually get it right, but everyone cocks up sometimes, so you end up with a few people on every thread who've gotten the wrong end of the stick. They may be perfectly reasonable on every other thread though.

The ones I find quite distressing are where the Op posts about a serious and long term problem in her marriage / relationship, often abuse or coercive control . She will explain all the things she has done over years to try and fix this issue.

Then some poster will ask “ Have you thought about discussing it with your husband ? Have you told him how you feel instead of posting on Mumsnet ? “

“Are all of the children your DH’s, OP??”

Accidentally posted 3 times. Have reported self. 🤦🏻‍♀️