You’re indoctrinating your poor kids

[Mmmmarmalade]

A direct quote from DM

we’ve heard similar before

but the context is, we’re going to Walt Disney world. Kids are 5 and 3. we’ve let them pick a special activity to do each. In order to do so we looked through the website and then they picked. They’ve also picked their must ride rides. We’ve found this sort of thing has worked well when we went to DLP and other holidays. When we’ve booked other non theme park hols (canaries and stuff) we show them pics of the beach and kids playground and splash parks etc so they can be excited, sometimes if it’s a choice between 2 in the same price range we let them choose. We’ve also got quite a few Disney books we’ve read, watched some films on my free Disney plus and got some ears and t shirts in preparation for the hols.

We find it’s a nice distraction when one is on the brink of a tantrum. Talking about something that they are looking forward to and will enjoy is enough diffuse any meltdown.

so the kids have made up a game, they’ll call out ‘who’s going on such and such ride’ or who’s going to meet such and such character and whoever says it (calls out me) last has to buy an ice-cream at Disney. To be clear there is no ice-cream debt accumulating, it’s just a fun little thing they play. Well fast forward to this weekend when they tried to play with my mum and she’s given me a dressing down about ‘indoctrinating these poor children’

aibu to think this is a weird dramatic response to kids going on holiday and being excited. I genuinely cant see a problem here. It works well for us, they are happy and feel involved in the holiday planning.

@Mmmmarmalade , I am guessing you were brought up this way and it must have been really hard having a mum who didn't think your opinion mattered, sorry😔

Seems like she 'indoctrinated' you into thinking that the holidays to Disney as a kid were for your benefit when they were solely for her enjoyment, tbh.

I don't see the appeal of somebody saying 'They only like Disney because I did it/got them into it' myself, but have heard it before - at times it seemed like they didn't want children to have independent thoughts/likes or even to go to Disney unless it was with them, as they described themselves as 'Disney Nanny'.

Disney is a cultural holiday. I find American culture fascinating. With little DC you can also learn a fair amount about different countries around Epcot, as long as you make them aware that they are stereotypes, and that opens the door for a discussion about how we view other cultures. When we took our DC we were quite open about accusations of Walt Disney being a nazi sympathiser and what the 'land of tomorrow' could actually represent. It's what you make of it.

I think your mum believes that by giving them a choice, they will be believe the will always get a choice, while for some cases that will not be true. Think about brushing teeth etc... So that you indoctrinate in them the belief that the will always have a choice and that in all choices their opinion would matter. Still strange to look at it from that perspective I think. We also give our DC limited choices on holidays, as it is his holiday too and it is fun to see him enjoy something he choose himself. Fe. We will in a tropical holiday destination l, so visit family in Europe every few years, combining that with exploring part of Europe. I take into account the preferences of my DH, so why not of DC?

We do similar OP in terms of using our Disney/Florida memories/plans as the best distraction measure ie top 5 rides, snacks etc though my dc are older now at 8 and 11! We’ve been doing Disney since they were small though. We also do outdoor holidays, camping, sightseeing, culture and all inclusive so know exactly what you mean - naming their top 5 castles or museum exhibits when upset or anxious just wouldn’t work! Part of the Disney joy is the build up and then the memories - we just don’t find anything else has the same effect. Each to their own.

Don’t get the kind of snobbery that technological innovation and pure entertainment are somehow lesser than historical artefacts/buildings though (which I’m also very interested in and so are my kids but it just doesn’t capture the imagination in the same way!)

@HappierTimesAhead Are there honestly people that think children should NEVER be given a say or a choice in anything?

Yes, both my parents.

As a child, right up until I left home when I was 21, neither myself or my two brothers were allowed a say, a choice or even an opinion on anything my parents did. And they made some pretty terrible decisions/choices, ones that are still affecting us today!

However, it was acceptable for my mother to 'indoctrinate' us into her religion, forcing us to attend Mass every Sunday until we left home...which has now backfired massively, as none of us are now practicing Catholics!

Our emotional and psychological development was definitely retarded due to it. Even as an adult I've struggled with decision making and having the belief that my opinion does matter. I've been a people pleaser and to be honest (especially in romantic relationships) a fucking doormat.

That’s what I’m wondering. If you can get more fun out of the trip why not? I actually think it’s nice you’re building it up and making it clear it’s something special : it helps them to be appreciative.

That’s hilarious. I can’t wait to indoctrinate mine into the cult of Disney.

Mwahahahahaaa

If you are doing T Rex get a Landrys card. It’s $25 but you get $25 discount on meal and card lets you skip the line, no need for a reservation. If you put your birthday month as when you are away you get another $25 off, useful if doing rainforest cafe or yak & yeti at AK.

Yes I think she must mean indulging, and I agree she’s wrong. This is about ramping up the appreciation and enjoyment by building the excitement, which I see as far less indulged than acting like the trip is no big deal.

Just make sure you choose a couple of restaurants etc you want to do and make it clear they participate and behave because that’s your moment you are looking forward to. But I really can’t see what’s wrong with what you are doing.

To answer your post we always decide as a whole family where we will go on holiday and what we will do when we get there (providing it is within budget etc).

We spend time researching what we will do, where we will eat etc. after all it is a family holiday, meant to be fun for all the family.

As another opinion on Disney, we have taken our (exceptionally knowledgable about history) son to Rome, Athens etc to see the historical sights, many places in the uk too. We have also been to Iceland with them and discussed geography etc with them in detail.

They love a trip to Disney as do we. (I actually surprised myself as I didn't expect to like it) A holiday is surely meant to be fun which Disney is. I don't think life always has to be educational or high brow. Especially for young children.

Where do we get one? They like rainforest cafe too so we’ve booked both of them too 😅 probably will save us a chunk of change!

https://www.landrysselect.com/

I’d also recommend a website called the dibb it’s a British Florida planning forum.

Is she religious?

I’ve looked on the dibb before but found it visually quite overwhelming and didn’t know where to begin, maybe I need to look again

but thank you for the link! Sounds v helpful

It's only indoctrination if it's religion or trans identity, These should be kept away from kids until they're much older, then they can make their minds up when they're teens.

For Disney, it's only a problem if you show them the really old stuff like Snow White due to the expected female's role in a household back in the 1950s. If you did show Snow White etc when they're a bit older, then it's ok as long as you explain to them that Snow White was of its bygone era.

I think your poor mother is the one who has been indoctrinated with seriously outdated values if that is her opinion. Children certainly shouldn't make final decisions but their ideas are valid and should be at least considered.

They’ve not seen Snow White, but they know who she is, I didn’t love Snow White as a kid so guess never bothered, they’ve seen sleeping beauty and Cinderella though but our home life is an egalitarian one and they quite like that those films came out when nanny was a little girl