You’re indoctrinating your poor kids

[Mmmmarmalade]

A direct quote from DM

we’ve heard similar before

but the context is, we’re going to Walt Disney world. Kids are 5 and 3. we’ve let them pick a special activity to do each. In order to do so we looked through the website and then they picked. They’ve also picked their must ride rides. We’ve found this sort of thing has worked well when we went to DLP and other holidays. When we’ve booked other non theme park hols (canaries and stuff) we show them pics of the beach and kids playground and splash parks etc so they can be excited, sometimes if it’s a choice between 2 in the same price range we let them choose. We’ve also got quite a few Disney books we’ve read, watched some films on my free Disney plus and got some ears and t shirts in preparation for the hols.

We find it’s a nice distraction when one is on the brink of a tantrum. Talking about something that they are looking forward to and will enjoy is enough diffuse any meltdown.

so the kids have made up a game, they’ll call out ‘who’s going on such and such ride’ or who’s going to meet such and such character and whoever says it (calls out me) last has to buy an ice-cream at Disney. To be clear there is no ice-cream debt accumulating, it’s just a fun little thing they play. Well fast forward to this weekend when they tried to play with my mum and she’s given me a dressing down about ‘indoctrinating these poor children’

aibu to think this is a weird dramatic response to kids going on holiday and being excited. I genuinely cant see a problem here. It works well for us, they are happy and feel involved in the holiday planning.

shes staying with us and it sort of came up again, she definitely means spoilt, because she said ‘ they have to remember they are children’.

Sounds like your mum doesn’t actually understand what the word ‘indoctrinating’ means.

If, as you say, she has no issue with Disney itself, and just thinks the kids get too much say in what you do on holiday, then it’s very much one to file under ‘none of her business’.

@Mmmmarmalade you seem to have a very narrow view of holidays. We have never done an AI or pool package or backpacked. We have been to hotels, cottages, villas, etc. Never, ever AI. I can't think of anything worse, with or without children.

How wildly patronising

i didn’t say ALL child friendly holidays are pool and beach (the AI is irrelevant, the general premise of the holiday is hotel pool and beach, regardless if you’re B&B or AI) I said A LOT of child friendly holidays are pool and beach holidays (point of reference jet2 and tui). There is nothing wrong with those holidays but they are hardly bastions of cultural experience. Young children don’t tend to be the most interested in site seeing

This. In no way are you indoctrinating them.

It sounds a nice idea. You’ll get lots of anti Disney comments on here. We watch Disney bloggers on YouTube and talk about what we are going to do eg which park we are going to first.
You and the children clearly like Disney already so it’s not indoctrination.

Did she perhaps mean you're indulging them rather than indoctrinating them? It makes no sense otherwise.

It sort of came up again this morning and it was like ‘indulging them although she said indoctrinating them into think their opinion matters’

This is literally harmless

Ignore the daft twat

I also think she meant indulging not indoctrinating.

i think as long as you narrow it down to say 2/3 hotels you're happy with (location/cost etc) then it's fine. Same with activities.

But I have a friend who gave her kids a LOT of say, without much guidance and now at 14, & 11 feel entitled to 'insist' on going to their destination of choice, staying in the hotels they choose etc etc and have a proper strop if ever told 'no'. They get all 'it's our holiday too, we want to go here, stay there, do xyz. It's not just what YOU want'

Frankly, if they were mine they'd be staying at Grannies!!

they wouldn't be mine though as they'd not get to hold the belief that they rule the roost!!

it sounds like you're going to have a brilliant time!!

I’m not sure comment about AI holidays is helpful or relevant. We go backpacking with our children and couldn’t justify the expense of Disney. That’s our choice. And although I’d be up for going as I did DLT as a child I think DH would rather stick pins in his eyes.

Generally I’m with you OP. Your children, your choice. Enjoy your holiday.

You're enculturating your children into the western capitalist culture that we all live in. We all give children values and beliefs, both actively and passively by virtue of the social/cultural environment. It has its flaws, but I don't really see a value system working better anywhere else in the world.

I think letting children choose some of the activities is lovely.

I don't she knows what indoctrinating means. I wonder if she meant indulgent??

You'll have to ask and come back to tell us.

Indulging makes more sense although she's still wrong.

It sounds more like it’s about you giving children a choice nothing to do with Disney. So a view that children should be seen and not heard.
You are going anyway so in my view it’s harmless saying do you want to see Mickey or Donald first or go on Dumbo or Small World.
I’d just ignore or say we enjoy it leave us to it good job you aren’t coming.

Surely indoctrination is the opposite to choice? Sounds like she is talking rubbish

We've always done similar with holidays. Everyone gets to choose an activity that we all do each day. Starting with the youngest. So day 1 is always a beach day. DD always goes for a theme/water park. I like castles and stately homes, and DH always chooses something physical.

Everyone really enjoys it.

Good grief!

Their opinion DOES indeed matter. What an awful woman. I hate this attitude some people have towards children - it's outrageous.

Obviously children shouldn't get complete "free reign" on their lives as, as a parent, it is our job to keep them safe and guide them in an age appropriate way. If my son had his way when he was little, we'd all eat pizza and chips every day for dinner. Not the best of ideas.

Choices are so important in childhood development:

• It allows children to start making decisions for themselves, which is crucial for developing independence.
• It gives children a sense of control over their lives. This can be particularly important in situations where they might otherwise feel powerless, such as during transitions or when facing challenges.
• It helps children understand that their decisions have consequences, fostering a sense of responsibility.
• It allows children to express their preferences, interests, and individuality. This helps them develop a sense of self and learn more about their own likes and dislikes.
• It teaches them to respect the choices of others. When they experience having control over their own decisions, they are more likely to understand and respect the autonomy of their peers.

That was in reference to a comment that another poster made about, they wouldn’t take their kids to Disney there’s far greater cultural things to do. To which I said, pool and beach holidays (which we do as well, because frankly it’s easier) aren’t exactly bastions of cultural appreciation, yet they don’t get as maligned as theme park hols (Disney in particular).

i don’t know many , actually any that take young children on more cultural holidays such as backpacking and pure sightseeing holidays.

re culture and history my kids get sufficient to make them well rounded from day trips at home and an excursion here and there whilst on our beach holidays. Perhaps I’m just lazy though

I think she means indulging them, maybe?

This is precisely it.

youngest wants to go to the Trex Cafe. Fine, we’d have a sit down meal at some point. Let them chose, it’s fine and breakfast with Mickey. They want to spend time at the dinosaur area in animal kingdom, it’s easy to accommodate, cool.

eldest chose princess dining and pick a pearl.

they both even out, it’s within budget. It means harmony when the other is doing something they Aren’t that fussed on.

I don't understand the indoctrination part? What belief system does she believe you are allegedly instilling into them?

That their opinion matters as kids. She thinks having some choice is a slippery slope

Bizarre! Ignore her.

Surely giving the kids choice is the antithesis of indoctrination