WIBU to wake them up

[ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine]

I have four thirteen year olds asleep on air beds in the lounge. They were in bed whispering in the dark at 11pm. I went to bed then so I don't know when they actually went to sleep. They're all sensible well behaved kids. If it was just mine I'd have woken her by now.

Honestly not intentional, sorry. I forget that a lot of what we do is connected to that, it's just normal for us.

That’s fair @ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine and I’m not trying to be a dick about it

I’m glad it does feel normal to you, that’s good in terms of how you manage it

Maybe you could quietly wake your DD and get her to help make some breakfast for them all? Gives her kudos points with her mates maybe?

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, surely you can see it looks like drip feeding to everyone else?

Sounds like they've had a great time, OP.

I'd start making general 'cooking breakfast' noise, and add in some fab bacon and/or pancake smells, you'll find they start to wake up on their own!

I totally see your point. I just hadn't really realised others wouldn't have a routine by now. Obviously when they were younger everyone had routines, I hadn't realised that we had diverged from the norm. This thread has been a bit of a wake up call for me (pun intended!)

It may be a non issue now anyway as my 10 year old is moving around the house with all the grace of an angry elephant!

Many teenagers do tend to have a routine, especially during the week but also sometimes at the weekend (if they do a sport or some other activity), but often relax it for things like sleepovers. Obviously some folk, for example folk with autism, need to stick more to their normal routine than others do, in order to feel ok.
Anyway, hope your daughter is having fun!

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine - it does make a difference but it’s not surprising you didn’t know as you have been learning your parenting with an autistic elder child.

It’s now recognised that teens actually need more sleep than pre-adolescent children but the teen bodyclock does tend to mean they don’t go to bed early to get that extra sleep! That’s why they tend to sleep in at weekends and parents generally let them if they don’t have to get up for something specific.

FWIW, my younger DD has recently been diagnosed as autistic and she will go to bed early and also prefers not to sleep in too late (unless she’s having a sleepy day in which case she may spend the whole day in bed).

We have come to realise that she is working harder than all her NT peers in a social situation and navigating an NT world when you’re ND is massively anxiety-inducing. Fortunately you’re ahead of the game because you already have your DD’s diagnosis. There’s a lot we would have done differently if we had understood the situation sooner. It’s great that your DD can host a sleepover but you’re right to think about how to manage it so that it doesn’t all go wrong later.

Surely her routine is up the spout now anyway after the sleepover and up until goodness knows what time? Just let them sleep until they want
I think it's lovely she's had a sleepover even if, sadly, you may pay the price today once her friends have left ( from my own experience of hosting sleepovers for my NT children almost every weekend in teen years)
I so look forward to the day my ND GS has friends he could have on a sleepover or even be invited to one

The diagnosis is recent, triggered by the anxiety. She's not in school full time. There's lots of things that I'm realising, in hindsight, are connected to it.

They're up and eating breakfast now. It seems DD went to sleep about 2, and actually was awake at least an hour before everyone else but stayed in bed dozing. It's going to be a tricky day I think, but she's got a big smile on her face so totally worth it.

OP ime the smile will disappear almost the minute her friends leave and then there may well be tears of exhaustion all day
So happy for her though

Why on earth didn't you mention the ASD on your first thread?
Drives me mad.. people give opinions.. then when the OP doesn't agree.. more information comes out.
What's the point???

Because I hadn't realised it made a difference. I'm so used to having this routine it hadn't occurred to me other people wouldn't. I do feel like a bit of a wally for not realising. But honestly it was not an intentional drip feed. It was only when people started questioning the need for a routine that I found out that other 13 year olds didn't need a routine. She's my eldest, I just don't know any different.

Why on earth did you not read the OPs updates before your little rant? If you had done you would have seen her perfectly reasonable explanation for your question.

So I have learned! It's something else to go on the list of things we thought were "normal" but actually aren't. It's been quite a steep learning curve. As I said, I do feel like a wally. It's only when someone points something out that you become aware of these things. Given that the other three kids are not autistic that was actually what I needed to know, don't wake neurological 13 year olds on a Sunday morning!😂

Oh come on. They're 13 years old, not 13 months old.

One late night won't kill them. If they're tired later, they might have a little sleep when they get home - I used to after sleepovers at that age. But they'll be right as rain by teatime.

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine do you have younger children? Did you not sleep in when a teen ?

Routines for a NT tend to because of relate to an external commitment, e.g. school. Weekends tend to be free and easy at any age.

Mine wouldn't have routine at weekends since about 5 years old. Other than afternoon sports commitments.

The ASD and routine requirement will be very important to mention to others who may be responsible for your child. So if the sleep over is reciprocated you will need to let the parent know.

If the parents were the type to want their 13 year olds on a strict sleep schedule they were a bit daft to allow them to go to a sleep over. It's perfectly normal to have no sleep at all until the early hours and catch up in the morning. I would want my sitting room back at some point so in the unlikely event they hadn't stirred by 11ish I'd be making some noise.

I'd say it's very much child dependent as well. My autistic DS (16) has never needed a strict routine for bed or waking up. He likes to sleep in occasionally.
Don't feel a wally OP, at least you asked and took the answer well! We used to stay up ALL night on sleepovers as kids (on purpose, we used to pinch each other to stay awake) and were fine the next day (just bloody knackered).

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine - we began thinking along the lines of ND when younger DD was about 13. It’s so good you’ve had the diagnosis. We began adjusting about 3 years before we got the diagnosis and when the diagnosis came our DD and we were all relieved and pleased. It allows everyone to be more realistic about what’s doable and what isn’t.

Op sorry if l came across antagonistic.. l apologise.. having two daughters and four Grandsons with ASD.. it might matter to them.. but then again because she's probably had an amazing time with her friends.. today might just be a good day for her.
She will probably gradually get back into her own routine.
I hope she has had a brilliant time that she wants to do it again.
But I'd not wake them.. and let them all wake up together.

I think that as they will have been awake long past 11 pm anyway , any routine is now completely gone , just let them be ! I’m really pleased for her that she has had a sleepover, hope she’s had a great time. Mine would always be exhausted the day after anyway. My now adult children’s friends now tell me that they loved sleepovers at our house, apparently I used to leave a tray of treats outside the bedroom door for them, not that I can remember!

I had five 12 year olds yesterday morning, who I reckon hit the hay at about 4am. I served up rolls, square sausage and tattie scones at 10 - they devoured them then left of their own accord! Hurrah!