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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this man in park suspicious

85 replies

HammerTimeNC · 07/04/2024 00:53

NC but long time regular, since Pom Bear days.

Packing up my car whilst leaving a park today, I was aware of a man, aged around 30, sitting nearby with what I think were walking poles, looking in our direction.

After I said goodbye to my sister who was in a car in front, the man said to me he had an odd request...he asked that I drive him to his car which we could see, less than a 20-second walk away, because he was limping. I had my teenage daughter with me so I asked her to move to the back seat and he sat in the front passenger seat.

He mentioned this was the first time he had been to this park and his girlfriend had taken the dog for a walk and was annoyed with him as he couldn't walk.

He then struggled out of my car and sat in the driver seat of his own car.

I am now wondering why he didn't wait for his gf to drive him, and how he was going to drive with poor mobility. And I feel very irresponsible for putting my daughter at risk (so please be gentle with me).

OP posts:

BobbyBiscuits · 09/04/2024 01:41

As someone with mobility issues and DH with the same it sounds fully believable. Someone can walk a bit then be struck with bad symptoms/fatigue. It sounds weird to someone mobile but suddenly a few steps could take an hour or even render them gravely unwell. Driving is obviously possible as it's not putting pressure on the same bones/muscles.
He did nothing pervy and sounded honest. It was nice of you to help him. Not everyone's an axe murdering paedo. Some people are just disabled.

Concannon88 · 09/04/2024 01:58

KoolKookaburra · 07/04/2024 08:30

and how he was going to drive with poor mobility

People drive with poor walking mobility ALL the time. Even without adapted cars. Just because he had a limp doesn't mean he wouldn't be safe to drive.

I've been driving with a broken foot

Mt563 · 09/04/2024 02:44

HammerTimeNC · 09/04/2024 01:33

Yes, my hunch was that it was something like MS based on me briefly knowing someone with MS whose mobility deteriorated, and he didn't say anything about an injury.

He said that his gf had gone ahead with their dogs because when they got to the entrance of the park he just couldn't get any further.

However, it was disconcerting to see him on the dash cam sitting looking at me for some time before he spoke to me as soon as I shut the boot.

Why disconcerting? He was trying to decide what to do, waiting to see if you were actually leaving etc. Honestly, you're overthinking but just make a boundary that you don't help strangers in future. Not a world I want to live in but would stop all this stress for you at least.

Delatron · 09/04/2024 08:13

Were there other people around at all that he could have asked?

Hippomumma2 · 09/04/2024 08:16

Never let a stranger In your car. He could have had serious mental illness and attacked you. It’s not worth the risk

Original poster

HammerTimeNC · 09/04/2024 08:30

Delatron · 09/04/2024 08:13

Were there other people around at all that he could have asked?

Yes, lots, including couples with a male partner

OP posts:

Minimili · 09/04/2024 09:23

I think he was wrong to have asked, I asked DP as well and he said he would have maybe asked if OP’s sister was watching but only if he was desperate and couldn’t walk himself at all.

Years ago we went for a family walk in a local forest. It was my mum, dad and me and my sister who were 7and 9 years old.
We were following a trail but somehow wandered off it and ended up walking in circles until eventually we started to panic as it was getting dark. We managed to get to a road at the edge of the forest and waited until a car came along so my dad could ask the driver for directions.

When a car stopped it was 2 women and 2 small children so he asked my mum to approach the driver first so she wasn’t nervous about being stopped by a man. My dad had been driving and knew the area so he listened to the directions to get back to the car (my mum was hopeless with directions!) it turns out we were 3 miles in the wrong direction so the woman offered one of my parents a lift to go to get the car and then they could come back for the other parent and me and my sister.
It made sense for my dad to go but he was really reluctant to get in the car with the women in case they were uncomfortable, we couldn’t all fit and if my mum went as well then me and my sister would have been left alone in the dark.

In the end the women reassured my dad wasn’t dangerous and they were happy to do it and felt safe enough as they could see we were genuinely stuck, they were very appreciative though that he’d considered that they might be uncomfortable with driving a man they didn’t know down a dark isolated road.

Whilst we were waiting for my dad to return my mum talked to me and my sister about how dangerous it was to get in a car with a stranger and how being nice and helpful wasn’t as important as being safe. I’ve never forgotten that conversation and I think it sank in more after such a scary day.

About 6 months ago I was walking at night to a local supermarket and the roads were empty, I live in a rural area and needed something urgently before the shop shut.
A white van pulled along side me and a man stopped and asked for directions to a fuel station, I could see he had a phone on a phone holder in his van so I stood as far back as I could and suggested he use maps on his phone.
The man said he couldn’t use his phone but then a couple approached walking their dog and he suddenly said he’d go and look and drove off. The couple agreed it had looked and seemed dodgy and my gut feeling was that I had escaped a dangerous situation, I’m a big believer of trusting your gut as other posters have mentioned.

I was angry with myself like OP for putting myself at risk and rang 101, they logged it and warned me against walking around alone at night.

Its always better to be safe than polite.

Twelvetimes · 09/04/2024 10:01

I'm glad you discussed it afterwards with your daughter OP, so she knows she does not have to be kind/polite in that type of situation. As has been said many times, it did put you at risk. There were other people around including men that he could have asked for help.

I live in a rural area where couriers sometimes find it hard to find specific properties. Last year I was out on a walk when a courier stopped to ask me for directions to x property, I gave him directions, it was a few hundred yards away. He then asked would I get in the van and show him the way. It was a hard no from me, he didn't even get a 'sorry'. It absolutely is NOT okay for any man to ask a female stranger to get into a vehicle with him. Any man who makes that sort of request almost certainly does so for nefarious reasons and they rely on women being too polite to say no.

Esgaroth · 09/04/2024 10:28

There probably are plenty of oblivious men out there who never think about how their actions are perceived but I'm sure that most decent men KNOW not to put women in the position of having to be 'kind' or 'rude'. Just asking is a red flag.

I'm glad so many parents are making sure their children know that it's always OK to be rude in these kinds of situations.

Esgaroth · 09/04/2024 10:30

And by rude obviously I don't mean saying "fuck off you creep" or something when there's been no provocation. Just saying "no, ask a man".

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