To find this man in park suspicious

[HammerTimeNC]

NC but long time regular, since Pom Bear days.

Packing up my car whilst leaving a park today, I was aware of a man, aged around 30, sitting nearby with what I think were walking poles, looking in our direction.

After I said goodbye to my sister who was in a car in front, the man said to me he had an odd request...he asked that I drive him to his car which we could see, less than a 20-second walk away, because he was limping. I had my teenage daughter with me so I asked her to move to the back seat and he sat in the front passenger seat.

He mentioned this was the first time he had been to this park and his girlfriend had taken the dog for a walk and was annoyed with him as he couldn't walk.

He then struggled out of my car and sat in the driver seat of his own car.

I am now wondering why he didn't wait for his gf to drive him, and how he was going to drive with poor mobility. And I feel very irresponsible for putting my daughter at risk (so please be gentle with me).

I'm glad you've discussed this situation with your daughter. I've spent years teaching my daughters we don't 'owe' politeness to strangers, especially when our safety could be at risk, like in a situation just like this. This was after a conversation with my (then young) daughter when she told me about a conversation she'd had with a man in the street which had made her feel uncomfortable. When I asked why she hadn't ignored him, she said she didn't want to appear rude. I realised I'd spent years teaching my daughter to be polite & kind (and also obviously taught about 'stranger danger') but hadn't taught her life skills about assessing situations and handling them, that it's ok to be as absolutely rude as you want when your safety is at risk. We are so conditioned to be 'nice' that it puts us at risk.

You could have said something along the lines of -
"I think you need to ask a man for help, not a woman on her own with her daughter" - would have made him have a think about what he was doing.

Some of the replies here are comedy gold. Check your car for air tags? Ted Bundy?

Not at all. We just have some common sense.

Or highly active imaginations!!

Well... he wasn't a suspicious character, was he? Because nothing happened. He was telling the truth. He couldn't walk, and needed a short lift. It might seem like an odd request to me at first but then I'm lucky enough not to suffer from mobility issues.

From his perspective, he almost certainly wouldn't have seen himself as a potential threat, given that he couldn't walk, and was himself in the more vulnerable position.

On a more general level YANBU to be careful about letting strangers into your car but the fact is that this time, you actually did a nice thing for someone who needed it.

A few years ago we might have all thought that anyone advising women against getting in a car with a police officer had a vivid imagination too.

No decent man would ask a woman if he could get in her car.

Why on earth didn't he call his girlfriend if was struggling? We don't know for sure she even existed, but if she did, she should have been the first person he asked for help.

Nothing bad happened, but that could be because OP's sister was watching. We don't know he had real mobility issues, that could be faked. We also don't know if he had other plans if he wasn't being watched.

Violence against women happens every day and pp are right, we need to teach our daughters to say no to men. I'm very glad you and your DD are ok OP and I'm glad this was a chance for you to talk to her about these issues and what to do in future.

You allowed a strange man to get in your car with you? And with your child? That's extremely dangerous

Yes, I’m paralysed from the waist down, my legs are useless but I drive an adapted car quite happily.

The adaptations aren’t obvious to a casual onlooker either, so this man’s car might have been modified.

We have no idea if he was telling the truth about his injury or request, hence ted bundy. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to be able to fake an injury to get a victim into a car.

I watched one of those fbi profiler type programs talking about men who hurt women and children. He said Men without nefarious intentions never ask children or lone women for help as they are aware it puts them in danger. I live by this, men wait for other men to ask for help. He had a phone he could have called his girlfriend etc.

You should have said ‘give me your car keys, I’ll go to your car and drive it back here.’

I think your sister thwarted him.

It was a strange request, he should have known not to ask to get in to a woman’s car. He could have sat and waited for his girlfriendetc. Did you say he wasn’t grateful? That’s because he was thwarted.

I may have an overactive imagination but better to be safe than sorry.

Unfortunately people need to be more vigilant.

Last year I bought a kids bag from someone on a local secondhand site, I went and picked it up from them all good, nothing unusual collected it at the door etc.
Met my friend for lunch afterwards and her phone picked up nearby airtag - after inspecting the bag a tag was well hidden in a padded area of lining, we took it straight to the police and reported him. Turned out to be the 2nd time he had done this, and no he didn't have any children he could claim it was there incase they lost their bag etc.

There are weirdos out there and I'd rather comment and have someone have a quick check of their car.

I fail to see what he did wrong, but I might be biased. I was quite unwell a few weeks back and had underestimated myself greatly when I wanted to walk to the shop. It was a short walk but it took all energy out of me. Had I seen a car driving into the direction of home I would have asked for help too. Thankfully I didn’t ask anyone or else there might have been a thread about me on here as well 🙄

I think the main thing here is that it has left you with a feeling of unease. The situation you describe is a little bizarre, and especially given that he didn't seem particularly grateful as you say, or acknowledge you as you drove off other than a small nod.
So all those small things together has made you think the situation may not have been as clear cut as you obviously initally thought, given you gave him the lift.
Like others have said, most men would ask another man for help. Unless the place was totally deserted, and there were no men anywhere in sight or likely to be along anytime soon? But then, surely someone who was desperate to get to their car and could not walk (even with 2 sticks?) would have shown alot of appreciation at someone helping them out of their predicament.

Unfortunately we live in a world now where we have to mistrust strangers because there are some truly awful people out there. And they don't some with a sign on their head. They often present as charming, kind and nice people.... until they aren't.

I'm glad you gave your sister the heads up.
Something felt 'off' to you. May have been nothing, but definitely listen to your gut if it starts sending you signals something doesn't feel quite right witht he situation.

I wouldn't let an unknown man in my car. Unfortunately I've had a few bad experiences so I'm wary.

Who knows if this man was genuine. I tell myself that I don't have to be polite to strangers if I don't feel 100% safe.

While I think you made a risky decision and probably shouldn’t have, I do think people calling the guy a weirdo and trying to insinuate nefarious intentions are ott. You and your daughter are fine, he didn’t attack anyone, he probably was just in pain and didn’t think about the potential consequences of a woman letting a stranger interesting to her car. Especially as you weren’t alone.

You'd get an Uber, not approach a woman and ask to go in her car.

Although, if you were hitchhiking at least to w person makes an informed DH o if e to stop, rather than being taken aback by such an odd request. Less chance of coercion.

So yes, you may well have had a similar response. Maybe not. Men should not be doing stuff like that, so ungentlemanly and inconsiderate (at best).

Watching the bits my dash cam caught, he did thank us and wish us a nice rest of the day. I think I didn't notice this as I was processing the oddity of the situation and realising how trusting I had been.

It was a busy park in a very middle class area and a very windy day (40mph gusts). There was even a volunteer at the entrance to the park.

I've actually got his car registration from the dash cam, his is a brand new car, latest reg. I did think about asking 101 if the first name he told us matches their records!

The gift of fear. If it feels off then listen to your gut.

This story reminds me of going w Ted bunday used the diversion of having a fake broken arm to get women in the car. Maybe you had a lucky break but I certainly wouldn’t give a lift to a strange man daughter or no daughter in the car

Great advise …there is just so much more to a gut feeling than a feeling .. for me it’s inner wisdom , a warning , a guardian Angel

A decent man genuinely in that situation would’ve asked another bloke rather than make a woman uncomfortable.

My sister has ms and she once lost almost complete power in her legs whilst out for a walk with her dog. She didn't seem to have the cognitive ability to make a phone call and it was the beginning of a really serious relapsing phase for her. She basically lay on a bench trying to hold on to her dog but wouldn't ask for help.
Some wonderful people realised she wasn't well, took her home and contacted us.
She genuinely would have sat there all night otherwise as all functionality seemed to just vanish.
As a result I judge each situation on its merits but would try and assist where possible.

Yes, my hunch was that it was something like MS based on me briefly knowing someone with MS whose mobility deteriorated, and he didn't say anything about an injury.

He said that his gf had gone ahead with their dogs because when they got to the entrance of the park he just couldn't get any further.

However, it was disconcerting to see him on the dash cam sitting looking at me for some time before he spoke to me as soon as I shut the boot.