Lying about facebook

[Moominsarerealok]

I just want to get people's thoughts on this. I'm twice married, first husband was pretty how do I put it. Eh, deceitful and made me quite paranoid, he worked away and left me with the kids constantly, moved me away to a different place then fucked off to work knowing that I was left to deal with the kids.. That was hard, but, to the point, he said time and time again he wasn't on social media, don't go on, I'm no, he was and chatting to other women. Well I've just found out last 2 weeks my now husband is on social media and maybe not doing the same but he never told me and I feel like I've been lied to, he said he deleted it and just now I found out he's still on it, I feel the floodgates open and all the lies and I feel sick because ex done this to me, he can't see this is wrong, what do I do? Am I unreasonable??? 😭

I think a grown up should be able to have a social media account if they wish. Maybe it’s a reflection on you that he felt he had to hide it?

Yes, YABU. However trauma response can result in controlling behaviour. Not telling you because he doesn't want to deal with the fallout, isn't lying to you.

Is he still on it actively or does he just have a FB acc? I de-activated my FB acc years ago, my partner still has his but doesn’t use it. He says to others he has deleted it. By this he means he doesn’t use it anymore but we are both aware he still has an active acc. Could it just be his wording?

Is he not allowed social media? What’s the issue?

Why can your now husband not use FB? Both me and DH use it, me for work groups and hobbies and for keeping up with whats happening locally, he for his hobbies and buy and sell

Not everyone uses SM for nefarious reasons

He deactivated it years ago, but reactivated it recently maybe 2/3 months ago without mentioning to me. If we had a talk about it then we could of worked round my feelings but no chat, nothing, it felt quite horrible to me xx

Maybe he didn’t want to be questioned about it?

He's not your ex and shouldn't be paying for whatever the ex did.

Why have two men felt the need to lie about something as completely normal as using social media?

Talk around your feelings?

Like a PP said, your husband isn't responsible for your ex's behaviour.

There is no conversation to be had here imo.

You seem to think its a joint decision as to whether he has social media. Its not.

I guess you all would be OK with your husband talking great memories with exes and stuff and speaking to other women sexually? Sorry I actually posted this, I really am.

Well I'm sorry you didn't post this crucial information in the first place 🤷‍♂️

Why didn't you mention this is what your current husband is doing?

We're not mind readers.

Sorry, I'm not used to posting in this for help really, crossed wires, I'm sorry. He's probably upstairs talking to someone on the phone 😭🥺. Can you tell me how to delete this post please? Wish I just kept this to myself now TBH xx

So is your husband talking to other women sexually? I can't tell if he is doing this or if you are projecting your previous trauma at what is an innocent thing. Your husband doesn't have to tell you what social media accounts he uses. Obviously though if he is talking sexually to other women that is a problem and wrong and you should leave him.

Report it and ask for it to be removed. There's a report button on your post. I'll do the same and tell them you've asked.

How do you know he's sex chatting with other women?

Has he given you his password?

I appreciate that probably feels shitty because of what happened previously with your ex-husband. It’s really tough when our past triggers us in the present. However, just to offer some perspective, there’s so many reasons he could have re activated his account. Although I understand you’re honing in on the one aspect that carries the most risk for your relationship, if you trust him in every other way, I’d let it be.

If you do have further concerns about trust in general, it’s best to talk to him in an open way x

Yes he is, we used to be so open like.. Yeah just use my phone to call whoever, yeah Google this on my phone it's just there. He stopped all this with his, passwords changed, I never even thought because I had no reason with him to think this. Now I'm like fucking hell!! Xx

So you've hacked his FB account?

I have tried that, I really have but he gets defensive and that makes me wonder even more!! Xx

Haha, no I haven't, screen notifications!!

Thanks for that though, it made me laugh. Needed a laugh a bit.

And what did he say when you confronted him about all these notifications you've read?

What do you think your man would say if you confronted him?