She tried to disappear into crowd and hide

[ToGoOrNotTo]

I am a woman. I went on a date with a woman on Wednesday. We had a great time, then she told she was going to a party afterwards and did I want to come… I agreed and it was a nice enough evening.

We'd both been drinking since the afternoon so were a little sozzled by the evening.
I will admit it hit me harder than it did her because I hadn’t eaten and I’m not used to spirits - she’s been raised on spirits!

Anyway, I found myself gently swaying at some point, and I lent on her arm for a second, then I excused myself to get some water and fresh air.

When I came back, I bumped into her while we were both mingling in the crowd with others… I said hi and expected to move on, but she seemed to think I had come to fetch her and wanted her to follow me.

I shrugged and thought fine, I was happy to mingle, but equally as happy to chat to her if she wanted… then as we’re passing through people trying to find somewhere to sit, I see her furtively sneaking off trying disappear into the crowd whilst looking at my back I guess to make sure she could hide herself properly…

Our eyes met for an embarrassing moment, I told her to go and enjoy herself and it was time for me to head home, we said our goodbyes.

I have to say I wasn’t very taken with her manners, it’s easy enough to excuse yourself without trying to hide!

Now she has invited me to a festival Sunday, she said she has a spare ticket and really wanted me to come.

Now, just having checked my account, I see I don’t really have much disposable money left until next payday.

Would it be unreasonable for me to cancel now?
I don’t want to spend my last pounds in the company of someone with what might be poor manners… or maybe she was having an off day?

Or am I in the wrong because I’d had a bit to drink and she was right to sneak off and I should give it another go with her?

If you were extremely drunk, surely it’s more than likely it was your own behaviour that was embarrassing? But no, you’re not obliged to see her again at any point. Second dates are not compulsory,

If you don't want to go you shouldn't. I think maybe you'd both been drinking, ran out of conversation, it was her friends party and after a long evening, she wanted to mingle. Unless you were really drunk, not talking to anybody then I don't think she did anything too awful. Maybe I'm not visualising it right.
Proceed with caution. Maybe a date just the two of you would give you a better idea of who she is. Maybe say you have plans the night of tge festival but suggest something after you've been paid

I don’t think either of you sound like you’ve got great manners. You ended up off your face. She wandered off to hang out with other people.

I suspect if you see her again you will once again end up hammered while she once again wanders off with other people.

These aren’t really ‘dates’ to be honest, either. It’s partying with a load of other people. You don’t sound that compatible, honestly.

Definitely don’t spend money on this, it’s going nowhere.

She asked you last minute, don’t be guilt tripped into going.

Regardless of how she felt about you, if someone is drunk - especially following spirits which have been instigated by the other person - at a party which said person has taken them to, then that drunk person shouldn't be abandoned. Especially when that person is a woman.

Basic woman's safety, innit? I wouldn't see her again for this reason alone. 🚩

If the shoe were on the other foot, and it occasionally has been with a friend, then I definitely don’t do that.

She asked me Wednesday and I said yes, it’s only today after checking my account I’m having second thoughts, especially in light of the cringey “sneaking off” moment.

I’m leaning towards this… but I’m wondering… is it perhaps not very nice of me to have said yes days ago, then cancel the day before… she might not be able to get someone else to go last minute.

Please don’t die in a ditch over this weirdo.

It was a spare ticket, she didn’t buy it for you.

Tell her you’re sick and don’t offer a penny.

You were really drunk. Are you sure that’s what happened? She’s obviously interested because she’s asked you out again so is there a chance you have this wrong?

My thoughts exactly. I’m also unsure why you’ve been texting since but have not raised this with her. I’d be tempted to say something like “I was looking forward to coming along but I’m sure you tried to avoid me the other night at the club and I now have my reservations”.

I'd text her and say I had fun the other day but I got more drunk than I planned to, sorry about that. Do you still wanna meet before the festival ot shall we set up a quieter date instead? Depending on her answer I'd back away or meet up. 🤔

'We'd both been drinking since the afternoon so were a little sozzled by the evening.
I will admit it hit me harder than it did her because I hadn’t eaten and I’m not used to spirits'

And -

'I have to say I wasn’t very taken with her manners,'

Her manners were lacking but you were so drunk you couldn't steady yourself on your feet?

I'm embarrassed for you.

The exchange doesn't really make sense which given you were drunk, does make sense. If she snuck off, how did you say your goodbyes? How could you see her watching the back of you?

If I’ve been drunk in the past, my memory was a bit hazy the next day… where has all of Wednesday is crystal clear in my mind, every part of it.

I would say I was tipsy rather than drunk.
I p think she thought I was more intoxicated than I was,,, because she did also grab me and kiss me senseless, it felt good but I wasn’t ready for it, and she did it so quickly I couldn’t stop her.

I don’t like to kiss anyone unless I’ve had a chance to get to know them well.
That’s another point that makes me have reservations, I really enjoyed it but would have preferred being asked first! Or at least waiting for the right signals.

I don’t know why, but I suspect she bought the tickets after I said yes, she seemed very keen.

All in all, very mixed signals.

I was walking ahead of her trying to find us seats, then I looked behind to make sure I wasn’t moving too quickly ahead of her in the crowd, only to see her disappearing into the crowd in the other direction whilst she was looking back over her shoulder at me, as I was looking over my shoulder for her… that’s when our eyes met and she looked a bit embarrassed and came back.
I said my goodbyes and left.

I wouldn't go on another date with her based on the kissing alone. It doesn't sound like you are very compatible. If you don't want to see her again you really don't have to go to and pay for a festival purely out of politeness.

Sounds like a drunken misunderstanding. If someone I was on a first date with was so drunk they were swaying and needed to excuse themselves I’d not fancy a second. Hard to say whether she was rude as I can’t really picture what’s going on.

I think it would be quite poor form to let her down this short notice, but if you don’t want to go then don’t.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other.

I absolutely love festivals and would normally enjoy it, it’s the circumstances that are giving me pause.

It’s poor manners to cancel at the last minute so given her possibly poor manners are your reason for cancelling, aren’t you going to be just as bad?

I’m not sure you can give an accurate account of what has happened when drunk. I’d be inclined to meet up with her again and see how it goes then, but tone down the drinking.

I would agree it wasn’t my finest hour, but, we were drink for drink! I’d simply forgotten to have my lunch that day.

I would not have drunk as much had I been the only one.

It was about 4 double gin and tonics during the course of several hours.

Drunk to me that you’re swaying is way more than just tipsy.

Don’t go to the festival as you’re not well suited.

4 double gin and tonics on an empty stomach is a lot and depending on my menstrual cycle etc (I don’t get one now but when I had one) I’d definitely be drunk.

I'm not judging the drinking, I have often used it to feel more sociable. It's just that I'd use that approach to my message so she has an easy out, without having to feel awkward or be rude. She could just say 'ha, me too, never mind, let's meet next week for a coffee at blah blah' rather than directly mention escapegate! Some people get very awkward and I like to provide options for them, having been one!

She has texted that she’s excited to go together, hence my dilemma.

Ah OK, gotcha. Then I'd add a few more words before a similar querying approach. If the connection was enjoyable enough I'd give it a chance. As long as the kissing was OK with you off course. But I'm from small places and take a while to.connect to people so I'd not wanna give up so early! In theory anyway.