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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She tried to disappear into crowd and hide

38 replies

ToGoOrNotTo · 06/04/2024 16:31

I am a woman. I went on a date with a woman on Wednesday. We had a great time, then she told she was going to a party afterwards and did I want to come… I agreed and it was a nice enough evening.

We'd both been drinking since the afternoon so were a little sozzled by the evening.
I will admit it hit me harder than it did her because I hadn’t eaten and I’m not used to spirits - she’s been raised on spirits!

Anyway, I found myself gently swaying at some point, and I lent on her arm for a second, then I excused myself to get some water and fresh air.

When I came back, I bumped into her while we were both mingling in the crowd with others… I said hi and expected to move on, but she seemed to think I had come to fetch her and wanted her to follow me.

I shrugged and thought fine, I was happy to mingle, but equally as happy to chat to her if she wanted… then as we’re passing through people trying to find somewhere to sit, I see her furtively sneaking off trying disappear into the crowd whilst looking at my back I guess to make sure she could hide herself properly…

Our eyes met for an embarrassing moment, I told her to go and enjoy herself and it was time for me to head home, we said our goodbyes.

I have to say I wasn’t very taken with her manners, it’s easy enough to excuse yourself without trying to hide!

Now she has invited me to a festival Sunday, she said she has a spare ticket and really wanted me to come.

Now, just having checked my account, I see I don’t really have much disposable money left until next payday.

Would it be unreasonable for me to cancel now?
I don’t want to spend my last pounds in the company of someone with what might be poor manners… or maybe she was having an off day?

Or am I in the wrong because I’d had a bit to drink and she was right to sneak off and I should give it another go with her?

OP posts:
Gettingonmygoat · 06/04/2024 19:10

You were pissed and she really didn't want to be responsible for you, fair enough.

ToGoOrNotTo · 06/04/2024 19:14

Gettingonmygoat · 06/04/2024 19:10

You were pissed and she really didn't want to be responsible for you, fair enough.

I honestly did not expect her to be responsible for me, we barely know each other.

It was more the not excusing herself and sneaking around that wasn’t very necessary in my opinion.

I think she wanted to socialise and chat with others, and that was perfectly fine with me, I’m a pretty social person and enjoy meeting new people independently, too.

Just something about it all I didn’t like that I don’t seem to be explaining well.

OP posts:
XiCi · 06/04/2024 19:14

I think if you know you'll really enjoy the festival you've not nothing to lose really by giving it another chance. Sounds like you just both got too pissed on the first date and there were wires crossed.

ToGoOrNotTo · 06/04/2024 19:18

XiCi · 06/04/2024 19:14

I think if you know you'll really enjoy the festival you've not nothing to lose really by giving it another chance. Sounds like you just both got too pissed on the first date and there were wires crossed.

No wires crossed at all. She was embarrassed about being “caught”.

I’m going to love the festival, but I wouldn’t go usually when it’s too close to payday and funds are very low.

I suppose I’m feeling guilty because I want to stay home to save a few bob!
I don’t like to let someone down last minute.

How to extricate myself nicely?

OP posts:
Laughattheloons · 06/04/2024 19:18

If you were so drunk you were swaying I’m not sure your recollections would be that accurate!

Inspireme2 · 06/04/2024 19:24

You need to do what is right for you.
Getting tipsy, so what it happens sometimes.
Sneaking off is it because she is very social or is she looking for another gf?
To unexpectedly kissing you, say No.
I think she's out for a good time or promiscuous?
E

ToGoOrNotTo · 06/04/2024 19:40

Inspireme2 · 06/04/2024 19:24

You need to do what is right for you.
Getting tipsy, so what it happens sometimes.
Sneaking off is it because she is very social or is she looking for another gf?
To unexpectedly kissing you, say No.
I think she's out for a good time or promiscuous?
E

My thoughts are the same. All of that is fine, but not what I’m looking for in a GF.

Love to see her again as friends though! Which I texted to her when I got home Wednesday. So I hope we are both on the same page and no wires crossed.

I did explain to her I’m not very promiscuous. We have been texting back and forth and there was some flirtation, which I quietly backed out of when it was heading toward sexual, which she didn’t seem to like!

I think perhaps she thinks a ONS is on the cards and it definitely isn’t!

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 06/04/2024 19:46

Follow your gut feelings. Maybe you'll work better together next time or you just have a good time at the gig. If neither is attractive, make your excuses. You're not sealing a marriage contract!

Towerofsong · 06/04/2024 19:50

If you'll enjoy the festival and it's not going to leave you in debt once you've factored in food, drinks and travel then treat yourself and have a good time.

If you really don't want to go to it, then back out and ask her if she can find someone else. If you think she did buy the ticket especially for you then offer to repay her for the ticket after you've been paid. (Although she should have been upfront on that, not said she had a spare ticket)

BirthdayRainbow · 06/04/2024 20:46

If it was a man who had grabbed you and kissed you I'd be thinking not on. So it shouldn't be different with a woman.

Ask yourself how you would feel if she cancelled you. That will give you your answer

PollyPeachum · 06/04/2024 22:43

Was she expecting something more intimate? Wants a 2nd date with you when you are both sober?

museumum · 06/04/2024 22:51

Do you fancy her? Do you want to be with her? All your posts are about being nice and kind and well mannered. Forget all that. If you fancy her go and forget about the cost. If you don’t then cancel and forget about what’s “polite”. It’s pretty simple really.

penjil · 07/04/2024 01:35

DrJoanAllenby · 06/04/2024 17:54

'We'd both been drinking since the afternoon so were a little sozzled by the evening.
I will admit it hit me harder than it did her because I hadn’t eaten and I’m not used to spirits'

And -

'I have to say I wasn’t very taken with her manners,'

Her manners were lacking but you were so drunk you couldn't steady yourself on your feet?

I'm embarrassed for you.

Why be embarrassed? Drunkenness happens. It ain't no thing. 🙄

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