For being upset about not being invited along to MIL meal

[90sMam]

Myself and DP have been together for 6+ years and are due to be married end of this year.
DP’s brother arranged a belated Mother’s Day meal at a local restaurant however myself and our DS (aged 2) haven’t been invited. The guest list includes DP and brother, (future) MIL and FIL. This is booked on a Sunday in which we normally sit down and have a roast together. I feel abit excluded however DP doesn’t see an issue, whereas my family go above and beyond to include him- and us as a family unit- in everything they do… inclusive of holiday trips away.
If it’s my MIL and my DS Grandmother, why wouldn’t we be invited to celebrate a Mother’s Day meal? AIBU for being annoyed at this? The fact that FIL is invited makes it seem more of a family meal. Are we not part of the family?
Can I just add, BIL often has meals paid for by work, in which myself and DS don’t attend as often booked at his bedtime. My DP has confirmed not company meal this time.
What’s everyone else’s feelings about this?

Given how often people moan on here about their male partners devolving their own parents' birthday/mother's day stuff to their wives, I find it really heartening that here are two sons making an effort to treat their mum and put her first for a day.

That may be the case, but it's got nothing to do with her DP taking his mum out for lunch.

If OP wants an adult-only meal, there's nothing stopping her from arranging some childcare and arranging one.

I get that it's nice for the two sons to just go out together with their parents but I also see why you're miffed OP. Where do the six of you usually have Sunday lunch? It's a bit crap to just exclude you and your DS but like I said, it's nice that they want to do something as a family too.
I still think it's a bit crap to make you feel crap.

This.

It's lovely that your family are very inclusive but actually I don't think that means that not doing this is definitively 'wrong'.

I cant relate at all to the suggestion that if FIL goes then you have to...it would never occur to me to think this but obviously we are all different.

If 'company meals' is a term they use then I concede that's a bit of a strange message.

I think your DP should take advantage of the 'free' meals a bit more! Not sure why he doesn't go to these either.

It's also nice to be out without kids sometimes so maybe you should use it as an opportunity to get out with your family while your DP stays home?

Well, quite!

Isn't fil the dad of your DH and bIL? I think it's nice to revisit the old family unit

YABU. You need to give them (especially your DP) some space. If other partners were invited it might be different but they aren’t. It’s just parents and their kids. If you want to go out with your MIL or your DP then I think you can organise it separately.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest and I do think you are being a bit precious

There is nothing wrong with parents just wanting to spend time with their kids alone sometimes and vice versa

Do you not see your family without your DP sometimes?

This is booked on a Sunday in which we normally sit down and have a roast together. I feel abit excluded however DP doesn’t see an issue, whereas my family go above and beyond to include him- and us as a family unit- in everything they do… inclusive of holiday trips away.

Your DP is a selfish hypocrite.

Are your parents paying for his meals out and holidays?

Tell your parents they no longer need to include DP and go without DP next time.

OP, I’m guessing your BIL or in laws don’t want to pay for you. Could this be the case?

Except I’m guessing her DP will VERY bothered when he’s not being included in OP’s family’s meals and holidays, especially if OP’s parents are paying for him.

Don't be ridiculous. It's one meal to acknowledge his mum on Mother's Day.

As I said before, my daughters take me out, sans partners, occasionally. And we all go away for a short holiday every year, obviously including sons in law and grandkids. Likewise my daughters' PILs do similarly.
There's room in our lives for different types of occasions with different combinations of people. Everybody in each of the families gets that, thank goodness.

It’s not for you to say what’s ridiculous, only OP can confirm.

Wind your neck in. OP’s situation is different to yours, don’t project yours here.

Who usually cooks the sunday roast for all of you? If it's MIL then she deserves a treat, I don't see an issue with them leaving you and ds out.

It absolutely is ridiculous to make assumptions based only on your own imagination. You have absolutely nothing to go on to assume that OP's partner will kick off if OP goes for a meal with her own parents, and no reason at all to assume that her parents would leave him out of a family holiday as some kind of revenge for him taking his mum out without his partner.

You're the one projecting here, not me.

I haven’t assumed anything, I said ‘I’m guessing’.

It looks like you don’t understand what a guess is.

And you totally are projecting with your own situation.

You being there would change the dynamics. It's nice they can go out, as the family group who grew up together.

I think YAB-a bit -U

Unless they are doing it all the time, I think it’s fine for a one off for immediate family to go for a meal together. I suspect you’ll feel differently about this when your child is an adult.

First time my dh did this, him, his brother, MIL and FIL. I did feel quite hurt. However it helped that brother in laws partner not invited either.

Now I'm used to it that a couple of times a year they like to go out the 4 of them rather than 6.

We have lots of other meals with them, in all sorts of combinations. I'm good with it and have a nice evening on my own or see friends.

I think it's OK for them to do this as long as no other excluding you.

YABU

Let folk be.

It is really ok for in laws to want time with their own children. Even if they are married adults.

Getting upset is futile. As long as everything is well, let them have their time together. Personally, I would see it as time off and relish it.