For being upset about not being invited along to MIL meal

[90sMam]

Myself and DP have been together for 6+ years and are due to be married end of this year.
DP’s brother arranged a belated Mother’s Day meal at a local restaurant however myself and our DS (aged 2) haven’t been invited. The guest list includes DP and brother, (future) MIL and FIL. This is booked on a Sunday in which we normally sit down and have a roast together. I feel abit excluded however DP doesn’t see an issue, whereas my family go above and beyond to include him- and us as a family unit- in everything they do… inclusive of holiday trips away.
If it’s my MIL and my DS Grandmother, why wouldn’t we be invited to celebrate a Mother’s Day meal? AIBU for being annoyed at this? The fact that FIL is invited makes it seem more of a family meal. Are we not part of the family?
Can I just add, BIL often has meals paid for by work, in which myself and DS don’t attend as often booked at his bedtime. My DP has confirmed not company meal this time.
What’s everyone else’s feelings about this?

This year my brother & I spent the afternoon with my Mum. Just the 2 of us as my SIL was out with my nieces.

My mum has a great relationship with my SIL & is very close to my nerves. But she did say that it was lovely to for once just spend time with us.

It hadn't occurred to us that its never just the 3 of us so I think we'll make this a new Mothers Day tradition

I wouldn't read too much into it. She's having a mothers day treat with her 2 children.

Oh this is fine, I think you're hugely overreacting. This is two sons going out with their parents. It's nice they still do that. You don't need to be included

I think that it's nice that they want to give their parents time with just their sons. People often don't do this.

I think it’s nice the sons want to go for a meal just with the parents? Do you never go for lunch with just your family without your partner OP? You aren’t joined at the hip, it’s a one off belated Mother’s Day treat.

How often do you have Sunday lunch together? Does BIL live with parents?

I adore my sons girlfriend, love spending time with her, and we do stuff together with just her and I too. That doesn't mean I don't love spending time with my son on his own too.

YABU

Family units don't have to go everywhere all the time! They are not joined at the hip!
I'd hate to not be able to have only my sons/daughters by themselves for dinner the odd time when they have families!
You think it's rude to ever do this? I find that entitled & odd!

So once someone is in a relationship they must always do everything together? Isn’t that a bit stifling?

Perfectly fine that it's just 4 of them.

Why the …!

I don’t have a problem with two men taking their parents out to dinner.

I can't believe you are actually begrudging your partner having a dinner with just his sibling and parents. It's not all about you, you know. Your partner is allowed to spend time with his family without you.

I just think an invite would have been nice for OP. To accept or decline as she wished.

@howshouldibehave maybe OP very rarely gets a chance to have an adult only meal out

But then the meal wouldn’t have just been parents and sons, so a different dynamic.

Don’t people teach kids they can’t always be invited to everything these days?

YABU

I think it’s lovely that the two adult sons are taking their parents out for a meal. One day you may be glad of the same.

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you attend everything he does. Sometimes you will go out with your family or friends, sometimes he will go out with his.

100%. My brother and I have days out with our mum together without our immediate families coming along. I love it!

My DC arent at the stage of having long term partners but I hope that even when they are the 4 of us (them, me and DH) will occasionally be able to go out for a meal togther without anyone getting offended.
Sounds like you and your son are generally included but this one time you arent, dont make it a big deal and spoil it for them

YABU. Even if you get on really well with them, it's a different dynamic. Occasionally a meal or get together for parents with their adult children without the partners of adult children is just a really nice thing. My DH get on very well with my mum. As does my brothers partner, but sometimes just me mum and brother go for a meal as I know mum loves that. And my DH and brothers partner both are fine with that. I encourage my DH to see his mum and sisters without me even though I get on great with them as I know sometimes it just nice to spend time with that group dynamic

My daughters take me out for meals occasionally, leaving their partners at home. It's rather lovely.

I'm fond of their partners and we all get together regularly. But just being 'us' is a nice treat now and again.

I used to feel for my lovely MIL sometimes, because as she lived a long way away, she only got to see us all together for weekends, and I used to think that she would probably enjoy some mum and son time. So occasionally I'd encourage my late DH to go up on his own. Not because I didn't want to go - I loved my PILs very much. But I recognised that when a parent gains a daughter or son in law, the parent/child relationship shifts. And it must be nice to just occasionally to have it feel like it used to be.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you need to be joined at the hip

I don't have a major issue with the principle I this... 2 adult dc out with parents as a 1 off/occasional thing...

However

It sounds like it isn't a 1 off... company meals?
It's at a time you could go, and usually would be with them thus leaving you to deal with dc alone

I'd make a point of taking dc out somewhere nice YOU want to go
And if you are cooking for the usual roast I'd probably back off that one a bit as it seems you might not be as 'family' as you thought and are more of a convenience?

Partners don't need to do everything

It seems perfectly normal for 2 brothers to take their parents out for a meal.
Don’t make it into a big issue. It’s not about you

If that's the case, given that she has a partner who could look after his child to accommodate this, then that's the problem she should be posting about.

I think you need to appreciate that 2 men can have a meal with their parents and shouldn't have to feel bad about it.