In sickness and in health - WIBU

[Pickledf]

I am posting this as I’m not sure what to think about a situation I’m being asked for an ‘opinion’ on

I will keep it as factual as possible to avoid bias.

Person A met person B on a holiday to Person Bs home country. Fell in love and got married (in later life, person A has two adult children)

As person A was close on retirement age, they agreed to relocate to Person Bs home country - as the cost of living is far cheaper and their state pension goes a lot further there.

6 years later Person As adult child has their first baby. Upon seeing how much they’re missing out, and due to their own health concerns Person A and Person B start to look at moving back to Person As home country.

To do so Person B needs to pass an English language test, and they both need to jump through a lot of hoops to get Person B able to live in Person As home country. They start the process though.

6 months later Person B gets a cancer diagnosis, this pushes back their relocation as recovery takes priority over learning English. 12 months after starting treatment they are cancer free but still very unwell. Person B refuses to seek further medical care though and wants to treat holistically in their own country.

Person A now wants to move back without their spouse, they are missing out on their grandchild growing up, and are concerned the longer they wait, the more likely they themselves might start getting age related healthcare issues and not be able to get back in time to be treated by the superior medical staff in their home country.

However this essentially means leaving their spouse behind.

I am the adult child of Person A and am torn, on the one hand I want to encourage them to make the move as I miss them, but I also feel really bad for Person B, who is seriously unwell and would be left alone, I also feel this is going against the whole in sickness and in health gist of their marriage vows.

So is Person A being unreasonable for wanting to come back?

YABU - Person A should stay with person B

YANBU - Person A should come home, and if that means leaving their spouse behind, so be it

no shit Sherlock…

person B has no idea about any of this yet though, so it’s not really a decision being made between both of them

If you are married do you have to learn English to live in England?

https://www.gov.uk/uk-family-visa/partner-spouse
Yes - with exceptions.

@Bananabreadandstrawberries There's nothing wrong with your idea of later life commitment. As long as it's made clear to the other party.

DH's grandfather is currently being looked after by his partner. They're not even married. He was 70 and a widower when they met she was close to a decade younger.20 years later still going strong! Longer than many 'younger' people's actual marriages actually and they've been through a lot together.

In this case person A sounds like a bit of a wanker anyway. They're probably tired of the exotic foreign life and now want stability. They should have considered this before marrying and living abroad but hey ho.

Having read your updates on the circumstances of the marriage, then it sounds to be me that Person A just liked the idea of a younger partner in a cheaper country, exploited their spouse to get that and has now realised it’s not just like being on holiday. They’ve had their fun and now they’ve got real life to deal with and an ill partner, they can’t be arsed.

Ultimately, your parent can do what they want and their marriage isn’t really any of your business, but I’d be pretty disgusted with my mum or dad if they’d behaved like this.