Is it lazy or AIBU?

[Nonameusername]

Parner works in construction so as you can imagine gets dusty & dirty at work. After coming home he sits in his work clothes for hours, sometimes laying down with his head on cushion and under a blanket. I’ve winged about this for years. We had new fabric sofas and after around 1 1/2 years you could see them turning brown where he sits from the dirt and dust. Paid for professional clean but still nothing changed. It’s nearly a daily thing where I have to ask him to get changed and it’s almost always an arguement where he gets angry because I get frustrated and complain. What am I supposed to do? Accept that he’s going to sit and lay down on our fabric sofas in dirty clothes? He says “it’s only my knees that are dirty” or “this was the tshirt I wore to work but it’s been under my
jumper and I didn’t take the jumper off”. Bear in mind that he wears the same clothes all week unless they’re really dirty so tonight he was laying in the tshirt he’s worn under his jumper for 3 days. AIBU for feeling really frustrated?

YANBU but I'd probably have given up reminding him and just put a throw on it by now.

Yes, a throw is the easy answer

It's his home as much as yours so I don't think you have the right to make him change his clothes if he doesn't want to.
Either have one sofa he can use that you stop caring about and/or use a throw as others have suggested

It’s disrespectful.

I can’t believe I actually haven’t thought of putting a throw on it when he sits there! I’ll do that 100%. I still feel he should just get changed though it’s a few mins job at worst isn’t it. I’d hate to be relaxing in dirty work clothes!

It’s laziness. If he’s coming home filthy why doesn’t he just quickly jump in the shower and get into clean clothes? We don’t use the couches in our house unless we’ve showered and changed and we’re often really dirty when we come in. It’s disrespectful to everyone else in the house coming home filthy then lying under a blanket and expecting everyone else to tolerate it.

My tradie ex was clothes off as soon as he got in the door, shoes off outside before stepping in. Just laziness - I’d be very annoyed.

Exactly this!! I feel like I’m expected to just be ok with him making the furniture dirty and probably doesn’t smell very nice either. I do most of the cleaning and tidying of the house and as we are a family with young children it’s already a lot without having to wash or hoover the sofa so often because I don’t like the thought of it being full of dust and dirt!

As someone said upthread yes he lives there too but that doesn’t give him the right to be disrespectful. If you’re cleaning the majority of the time it takes 2 minutes to take his dirty clothes off and have a quick shower. It’s lazy and he’s making a point that he doesn’t care what you think. We’re farmers and only use the working kitchen if we’re dirty, anywhere else in the house is off limits to any of us unless you’re showered and have clean clothes on. It’s been a busy lambing season for us, we’ve been up and down at all hours and we’re absolutely knackered but no way would any of us lie on the couch in dirty clothes. You need to have a serious discussion with him, especially if his laziness and being filthy is impacting your children. If you have young children he shouldn’t be sleeping under a blanket after work anyway tbh.

YANBU especially if it's your house. Even if you both own it, YANBU.

I would expect a throw to be used or undressed and changed when come in my dh comes in from work dirty he undresses showers If necessary before sitting down his choice if he didn't I would Throw a blanket on the sofa dh wouldn't sit on a sofa dirty at all

A throw??

I'd be getting a plastic cover!

Let the man relax

Step dad was a brick layer and always showered after coming home - it's the norm for such careers

Let the man relax so the woman can run around after him cleaning up his gritty three day old sweat encrusted t shirt grub from a new sofa? Ick, no.

I'm sure doing laundry compares to a day in construction

Do you stick a sofa in the washing machine?

Op could have been out at work all day too, or do you live in the 1800s?

Yeah, mine's a joiner and puts his shorts on as soon as he gets in as his kecks are always covered in sawdust and glue. Doesn't need telling.

If you're dirty you wash yourself. If you have a job that makes you dirty then you have to wash when you get in from work. Really unacceptable to just spread dirt around the house for other people to clean up. I'd be very cross. If you can't get him to cooperate though then the throw is a good idea.

Does he actually own enough work clothes? I wouldn't want to wear the same t-shirt for three days in a row sitting at desk all day.

I do work 4.5 days a week myself. But even if I didn’t, it has no effect on him changing out of his work clothes! I don’t interfere with his work clothes because I do all of the clothes/fabrics washing in the house otherwise, so I have no idea how much he’s actually got.

He feels the opposite way though after a hard physical day and it's his home too. A throw is a simple solution

Make sure you have a seperate blanket otherwise he will take the throw off and use it as a blanket. Only saying as you said sometimes he gets under a blanket.

My father wore overalls for his job, they came straight off when he came in and there was only one chair he would sit in, whilst in the work clothing he had on underneath, in the kitchen and that usually had a throw over it. He absolutely would not have gone anywhere else in the house in his overalls and certainly not the sofa in his work gear.

Ask his advice on which new sofa to buy, show him catalogues or send links online. Mention that you are worried that having such a dirty sofa might affect children's health so needs replacing. Might get this attention. In the meantime use an old sheet when he gets home. Easier to wash than a throw!

What type of dust does he have on him? I wouldn't accept bringing containments into the house. But then my DH is a firefighter, so we have this drummed into us! 😂