Is it lazy or AIBU?

[Nonameusername]

Parner works in construction so as you can imagine gets dusty & dirty at work. After coming home he sits in his work clothes for hours, sometimes laying down with his head on cushion and under a blanket. I’ve winged about this for years. We had new fabric sofas and after around 1 1/2 years you could see them turning brown where he sits from the dirt and dust. Paid for professional clean but still nothing changed. It’s nearly a daily thing where I have to ask him to get changed and it’s almost always an arguement where he gets angry because I get frustrated and complain. What am I supposed to do? Accept that he’s going to sit and lay down on our fabric sofas in dirty clothes? He says “it’s only my knees that are dirty” or “this was the tshirt I wore to work but it’s been under my
jumper and I didn’t take the jumper off”. Bear in mind that he wears the same clothes all week unless they’re really dirty so tonight he was laying in the tshirt he’s worn under his jumper for 3 days. AIBU for feeling really frustrated?

Some of the comments here talking about letting him relax and reminding you it's his home too are prioritising him over you. His relaxation time. His comfort in his home. His actions aren't benign. He's actively ruining a piece of furniture that in all probability was expensive, which you financially contributed towards (even if that contribution looked like staying at home with the children so he could work).

If he sat all over your clothes every evening, it would be immediately obvious how disrespectful his behaviour is. But because he's sitting on something he also owns, he takes priority? No. He's destroying property that jointly belongs to you.

Honestly he sounds grim enough that I probably couldn't stay with him.

DF was in flooring. He always came in through the garage into the outhouse/utility and changed there before coming into the house.
DM was a SAHM but he respected the clean house

I'd tell him fine - he may sit on the fabric sofa and muck it up every day he comes in from work........HOWEVER he must buy a professional steam cleaner for sofas and spend time PROPERLY cleaning it each evening before he goes to bed.

It's bloody rude. He doesn't care because a dirty sofa is no skin off his arse and he doesn't have to clean it, and the fact he's making work for OP doesn't even register. He'd be pissed off if he'd spent the day at work and someone came along afterwards and knocked down a wall a wall he'd built though wouldn't he.

I understand how he feels, he's knackered and just wants to flop. That's how I feel when I come in from work. I agree with putting a throw on it.

Do you have a garage? My mate goes in the garage, puts his overalls in the washing bin and changes into something else, so doesn't have to be an immediate shower if your DH likes one later on. Always a pile of home wear ready for him to put on, takes no time yet he doesn't have to feel the need to get scrubbed immediately. Xx

My dad was in construction. Minute he got home, boots in the hallway, he was in the shower. Dirty clothes in the washing machine. Without fail.

My husband does the same. Fucking irritating. We have leather sofas which helps. He also walks around with work boots/gardening boots when he can't be arsed to take them off.

I couldn’t live with someone like this. It would actually be a deal breaker for me!

Like Marie had in Everybody Loved Raymond!

Yep - you've nailed it! His relaxation shouldn't take priority over ruining the furniture or the comfort of others in the home. Plus, he can lay down and relax in the bath whilst getting clean!!!

So you work, as well as doing the laundry and hoovering and tidying… what does this hero do domestically apart from shit the place up?

He can relax while having a nice shower.

I would have put a throw on the sofa. That's something you learn to do when you have cats!!

Only on MN 😂

It would take an entire two minutes to get changed, maybe ten jf you shower as well. It's all about respect and basic cleanliness (never mind basic manners).
I could not respect him

I completely agree with @Lovetotravel123 The OPs husband is being lazy and disrespectful. If he was leaving takeaway wrappers all over the place or mess and crumbs all over the kitchen that the OP had to clean up on a daily basis people would say he was selfish and LTB. Why is this mess any different? He literally won’t take 2 minutes to change into clean clothes and prevent something expensive getting ruined. I couldn’t stay with someone with so little respect for me and our home.