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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what’s the best thing your DIL has done?

38 replies

Cookiecrumblepie · 04/04/2024 15:44

I see so many negative threads about the MIL /DIL thing, I wonder if anyone could share the nicest thing their DIL has done for them? What you love most about your DIL?

it would help me with ideas to improve/strengthen my relationship with my MIL.

OP posts:
Ahappymediumlarge · 04/04/2024 15:53

My DIL is delightful. I don’t see her very often as they live in a different country, but she’s always very sweet and helpful when they visit. The best things about her are that she puts up with DS, and obviously reminds him about things like birthdays and Mother’s Day 😁

tracktrail · 04/04/2024 15:56

My DIL is lovely. We get on well. When they pop over, they will cook, bring wine , and help out in the garden. In fact, she says she likes being in our small place rather than her parents' huge mansion house as there isn't drama, it's relaxed and we get on.

Haydenn · 04/04/2024 16:00

Cook, help in the garden, reminds the son about his own mothers birthdays. By Christ I am happy I don’t have a MIL if by keeping them happy I need to make up for the deficiencies in the shit sons and do the bloody garden. 😂

I was expecting to read that they are great company…more fool me

Bluevelvetsofa · 04/04/2024 16:05

She married my son.

Zebresia25 · 04/04/2024 16:10

Loving my son and making him happy. Being kind to my rather difficult DM. Making an effort to be part of our family. She is funny and intelligent - I enjoy her company

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 04/04/2024 16:19

I love my daughter in laws, they are quite different to each other but we all get along well as do the children. Both were very supportive when my own parents were ill and both seem to genuinely enjoy our company as we do theirs. I’ve just come back from holiday with one son and family and have been and will go again with both my sons families, we have fun together. ☺️
I find the fairly constant threads about ‘horrific’ mother in laws really sad. It does seem to be a relationship some struggle with. The trick is I think for the mother in law to understand that she cannot remain the most important woman in her son’s life, that is his wife and he must put her and their family first. On the other hand the daughter in law needs to understand that her mother in law (and father in law although that relationship is rarely mentioned) are still important to her husband and that their children will benefit from a relationship with their grandparents. Usually. They have different roles.
I’m incredibly blessed with wonderful sons, fabulous grandchildren and lovely daughters in law.

paintingvenice · 04/04/2024 16:25

I’d also love to know the perspective of the DIL on their MIL who have to remind the sons of Mother’s Day and do the garden when they go round. 😂 The MIL think the DIL are great…wonder if the DIL are the ones on here who complain that they struggle to keep the MIL happy!

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 04/04/2024 16:27

Sadly they are split up now but 8 years ago dil gave birth to their first dc. And my first dgc.. 29th February! They came to see me 6th March which was Mother's Day and ds's birthday.. A very kind and much appreciated gesture from her and ds to spend the day with me...
Won't ever forget that day..

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 04/04/2024 16:33

Loving my daughter and her son.. made her happy more than her ex husband.. ( they were both married to men.. came out 2 years ago).. she's is kind .. caring... funny.. loving.. intelligent and has given me two wonderful step grandaughters
Couldn't ask for more...

SnakesAndArrows · 04/04/2024 16:34

Apart from having married my son (and apparently making him very happy), given birth to my fabulous grandson, and being a wonderful mother, she’s just always so lovely and kind. Oh, and she’s beautiful and smart too. Proper fan girl, I am.

Listentogold · 04/04/2024 16:38

My Dil allowed me to be in the room when she gave birth to our first grandchild.
Her mum wasn't a well woman. And as Dil said if I can't have my mum I'll have (son mum instead)

GingerIsBest · 04/04/2024 16:40

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 04/04/2024 16:19

I love my daughter in laws, they are quite different to each other but we all get along well as do the children. Both were very supportive when my own parents were ill and both seem to genuinely enjoy our company as we do theirs. I’ve just come back from holiday with one son and family and have been and will go again with both my sons families, we have fun together. ☺️
I find the fairly constant threads about ‘horrific’ mother in laws really sad. It does seem to be a relationship some struggle with. The trick is I think for the mother in law to understand that she cannot remain the most important woman in her son’s life, that is his wife and he must put her and their family first. On the other hand the daughter in law needs to understand that her mother in law (and father in law although that relationship is rarely mentioned) are still important to her husband and that their children will benefit from a relationship with their grandparents. Usually. They have different roles.
I’m incredibly blessed with wonderful sons, fabulous grandchildren and lovely daughters in law.

I think that people who have good, easy relationships with their MIL/DIL don't post on here usually, so that's a big part of it.

In real life though, I see a lot of friends getting frustrated by their MILs becuase they overstep boundaries - telling DIL what to do/how to act towards her DH etc and I don't understand it. A friend's MIL once proudly announced "Oh, I've rearranged your kitchen for you. It makes a lot more sense now and everyone will find it easier to use." To rub salt into the wound, on that particular day, the MIL had made dinner for herself, my friend's DH and the DC but not for my friend because, "I didn't know what you'd like."

I will never understand why people do this.

Although to be fair, I do agree that some of the threads are sad, "my MIL always lets my DC have a second portion of pudding when they're at her house once a month. AIBU to go NC" does seem a bit excessive.

GingerIsBest · 04/04/2024 16:43

oh and to answer OP's question, I think I have a fairly good relationship with my MIL. I think the key thing for us is it's based on mutual respect. We probably would never be friends if we'd met along the way, but we can have a nice little chit chat and I respect the successes in her life and her in mine. I try to encourage and support a relationship between her and the DC (admittedly super easy as DH is not leaving it to me to facilitate AND MIL is very accommodating) and I largely let her have her little quirks (and, again, she lets me have mine) without getting into a state about it.

But she did tell DH when we got engaged that he needs to understand that from now on she's basically taking my side in arguments as he needs to accommodate his wife and her needs! so that set a positive tone. Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2024 16:44

I think if my favourite thing about my DIL was that she reminded him to not forget me, I'd be questioning what I'd done through their lives to make them so selfish

I think Mil would say I make it easy for her to see the grandkids, being good company (we go out occasionally to the theatre in etc) and being a good listener.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 04/04/2024 16:44

won't have a dil for at least another 25 years i imagine but i love my mil to pieces. she's amazing and so maternal. never once said a bad word to my kids and she's genuinely a nice person and very innocent and naive. she had 9 children herself and raised her family in iraq through the wars and had to live in a camp in iran with her babies for a while.

Soozikinzii · 04/04/2024 16:48

My DiL is lovely always makes us very welcome and cooked us a lovely roast dinner at easter .She also asked for my mum's Xmas stuffing recipe to carry on our Xmas tradition.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 04/04/2024 16:58

@GingerIsBest , I didn’t ever have a mother in law and that’s why I joined Mumsnet in the first place to ask for advice on how to be a good one. The overwhelming response was to mind my own business and that’s part of what we do, I am shocked actually how some mother in law’s behave but I wish more people would try and work out their differences, it can be such a lovely relationship. ☺️

newwidowtobe · 04/04/2024 17:00

I was a DIL ..I absolutely adored my MIL and find so many of the anti MIL threads so far from my reality.

She was kind
Empathetic
Super helpful
Bred a respectful son
Completely un judgemental to ways of living that were different to he own experience.
Fabulous to her GC .

mbosnz · 04/04/2024 17:06

My MIL came to be my and dh's support at my Dad's funeral. It meant the world to me. She was a lovely, lovely woman, very few sharp edges, and given the serves her life had sometimes given her, that was little short of a miracle. Sadly she died, last year.

ExhaustedHousewife · 04/04/2024 18:28

Oh,my dil is just wonderful! She's strong,she runs her own business,she is so kind and she (and our son,of course!)gave us our first Grandchild.I look after the baby while she works and she tells me every day how grateful she is. My Aunt has 2 dil's and they don't get on at all,I find it so sad.

Jackyboyisalaugh · 04/04/2024 19:49

Haydenn · 04/04/2024 16:00

Cook, help in the garden, reminds the son about his own mothers birthdays. By Christ I am happy I don’t have a MIL if by keeping them happy I need to make up for the deficiencies in the shit sons and do the bloody garden. 😂

I was expecting to read that they are great company…more fool me

Quite! Some of the thread is a depressing read.

Kat200669 · 04/04/2024 19:52

Not got a DIL yet... but i love my MIL. My partner works away for weeks at a time. She always stays in touch, I go over and see her when he's away as well as when he's home. I make sure I go over on mother's day and her birthday. Provide a taxi when they go out. We always spend Christmas at ours even if partner is away.

Tel12 · 04/04/2024 19:54

My Dil is brilliant. She married my son and is exceptionally caring and hardworking. He's a lucky guy.

Yazzi · 04/04/2024 19:55

Jackyboyisalaugh · 04/04/2024 19:49

Quite! Some of the thread is a depressing read.

Show quote history

It seems determinedly negative to take a thread about meaningful and valued relationships and call it a depressing read

Jackyboyisalaugh · 04/04/2024 19:57

@Yazzi I wanted it to be that but then there were posts about how daughter in laws were great because they propped men up in basic tasks - I do find that depressing 🤷🏻‍♀️