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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16th birthday party & alcohol

38 replies

NewYearSameOldStuff · 03/04/2024 21:16

My DD is turning 16 this week and I have agreed to a small party with 10 of her friends. They’re all pretty sensible kids, none of them are any trouble.
I’ve agreed to get them all domino’s and leave them at home, I’ve said I’ll be home at 11.30pm.
My DD has never really drunk any alcohol and I’m aware they’re all starting to try it, and she’s asked if I can get them some alcohol, my worry was that if I didn’t get them alcohol they would all bring their own and then start mixing which could end badly!
Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Popchippps · 03/04/2024 21:18

Are the parents of the kids coming ok with you providing alcohol?

Noyesnoyes · 03/04/2024 21:19

It's a no from me!

Ponoka7 · 03/04/2024 21:22

Are they mixed sex? That makes it problematic unless you know all the parents are ok with them drinking. My girls and her friends would have WKD at that age, but it's the lowering of inhibitions and the issue of consent, under your roof.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/04/2024 21:23

No. It’s one thing if you were going to e.g. let them all have one or two supervised drinks with a meal out; but you’re taking responsibility for them all whilst in your care even if you’ve gone out and there’s always some who can’t handle it / drink too much and end up unwell. And if she can’t be trusted not to sneak alcohol if you don’t buy it, she can’t be trusted to have a party.

Mumdiva99 · 03/04/2024 21:25

Nah, not at 16. My son is 16 and I've started to worry about this. I know it will come soon....but after GCSE's please. (Fortunately my son isn't that bothered yet.) When you do let them, I would want to be at home.

TheShellBeach · 03/04/2024 21:26

No chance.
They'll all get blazing drunk and trash your house.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 03/04/2024 21:27

Her friends may be sensible but word has a habit of spreading when teens have a party, so don't rule out the risk of a load of uninviteds crashing. You also can't guarantee that none of her friends won't bring a bottle to supplement your rations. I personally wouldn't leave them to it without an adult around.

BlueMum16 · 03/04/2024 21:29

It's a no from me.

If you were home and supervising and had permission from the parents I would allow one or two drinks. Not a group of 10, unsupervised, uncontrolled and no ideas of parental permission.

BlueMum16 · 03/04/2024 21:30

To add: and if I was parent of one of the friends I wouldn't be happy with the arrangement either.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 03/04/2024 21:30

At 16 we stayed on the premises while DS had his party, didn't provide any booze. We provided a small amount of alcohol at his 17th birthday (beer and cider) and still stayed. He has a summer birthday so they were out in the garden while we hid upstairs.

Chatonette · 03/04/2024 21:31

My DC is 15 and if I found out that one of the friends’ parents provided alcohol with their pizza party, I’d be livid.

TeenLifeMum · 03/04/2024 21:32

It’s normal round here to have a few bottles of beer and cider. Dd thankfully not interested in alcohol so I don’t have to parent this, but at 16 I would allow some and be in the house but another room. I’d also ensure parents knew. I used to camp in friends fields from 14 getting drunk so at 16 I think it’s time to support sensible driving if they want to try it - much better to try in a safe place.

WandaWonder · 03/04/2024 21:35

No chance on this planet would I think this is a good idea, allowing your own child some alcohol ok but seriously no!

Glass113 · 03/04/2024 21:37

At 16 I would have 100% snuck alcohol in but not had it provided for me. I wouldn't be shocked if they had a few but I wouldn't facilitate and give permission.

Original poster
NewYearSameOldStuff · 03/04/2024 21:38

Thank you all for your comments! It has put my mind at rest that I’m not in the wrong not wanting to leave them home alone with alcohol.

I’m a single parent so don’t have anyone else at home to check with what they think.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 03/04/2024 21:39

I think from 16yo I let dd have a few fruit ciders (we live in Somerset 😉) with her friends when they came over. I did check with the parents first and they were all fine with it.

10 friends is quite a lot though....

YaMuvva · 03/04/2024 21:39

Lidl do small bottles of shandy that are very tasty and only about 0.9%

AzureNewt · 03/04/2024 21:39

This was the norm for me growing up at 16, but I think you’d need sign-off from the parents.

Thesoundofmusic23 · 03/04/2024 21:40

Going against the grain here but very similar sounding group of friends and situation for 16th and we did provide some white wine and lemonade so they could have spritzers. We were in the house upstairs and I made sure daughters friends parents knew and were ok with it. When left to their own devices I know friends of hers get vodka etc from older siblings so I thought this was a better bet. They were great and behaved really well and had lots of fun so no regrets here. I think open communication and trust are the key as they will find a way and that will end worse probably. I had strict rules on smoking and vaping too which dd communicated before hand.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 03/04/2024 21:40

No way would I allow more than one or two friends around unsupervised with my (very sensible) 16 year old
As a previous poster has said it is likely others will turn up once they hear there’s a “party”
I would also not provide proper alcohol at that age although would consider making a slightly alcoholic punch bowl (but only with the other parents agreement and only if an adult would be there to supervise it)
Anything could go wrong

DyddDewiSant · 03/04/2024 21:40

No way would I go out and leave them with alcohol. Maybe get some if you are there in the background and other parents are ok with it.

Alwaysalwayscold · 03/04/2024 21:40

You can't supply alcohol to 10x 15/16 year olds without (or even with) their parents consent.

Many of them won't have had a drink before and anything could happen.

Delatron · 03/04/2024 21:41

I’m of the view that if they want to get hold of alcohol they will. Do you want to provide them some and they be honest with you (and you can control that amount) or for them to smuggle in and lie?

I think if you end up being too strict around this they’ll just end up not telling you and then getting drunk in a park somewhere. It’s better for it to be under your roof, where it’s safe and you can control the amount.

Delatron · 03/04/2024 21:41

But defo sound out the other parents obviously.

Ladyluckinred · 03/04/2024 21:42

I personally wouldn’t want to deal with the aftermath of leaving teens, unsupervised, with alcohol. I think you’ll have to deal with very concerned parents (unless they have all agreed) and possibly some vomit if some of the teens, understandably, cannot handle alcohol.