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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16th birthday party & alcohol

38 replies

NewYearSameOldStuff · 03/04/2024 21:16

My DD is turning 16 this week and I have agreed to a small party with 10 of her friends. They’re all pretty sensible kids, none of them are any trouble.
I’ve agreed to get them all domino’s and leave them at home, I’ve said I’ll be home at 11.30pm.
My DD has never really drunk any alcohol and I’m aware they’re all starting to try it, and she’s asked if I can get them some alcohol, my worry was that if I didn’t get them alcohol they would all bring their own and then start mixing which could end badly!
Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 03/04/2024 21:42

No, but my DD is 16 and not interested in drinking yet. I wouldn’t do it unless all parents provided permission and I’d also stay upstairs

HavfrueDenizKisi · 03/04/2024 21:43

We have literally just had our DDs 16th party. She had 20 guests and we did provide some alcohol (and domino's pizza) and plenty of soft drinks.

The thing is some kids did bring their own. I found two small bottles of empty vodka and a bottle of tequila. Also some brought beer. We weren't getting going to frisk them upon entry so had to trust them. To be fair DD did choose her guest list carefully. She had a mix of from school and out of school friends and some of the out of school are a year above.

We absolutely did not leave the house though (no way we would agree to that at all). We were in another room and we took it in turns to pop out every 20-30 mins to check in proceedings.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/04/2024 21:43

My DD got dangerously drunk in a situation like this when she wasn't used to drinking and a few girls were drinking together at one of their houses while the parents were out.
I wouldn't go out and leave them if there was a chance of alcohol. If you are providing alcohol the other parents should know the score .Parents often used to confiscate alcohol when my DC were young and return it ant the end of the evening.

JaffavsCookie · 03/04/2024 21:44

You definitely need to stay home OP, what is your kid going to do if loads of other hear about the party and try to crash it.

Universalsnail · 03/04/2024 21:44

It's a no from me if it's mixed sex and there is no adult supervising. I had my drink spiked with excess alcohol at 15 which I stupidly drunk to not embarrass myself at an event like this, and then was raped when I passed out.

But if it's girls only I'd be fine with a couple of alcopops each.

Isthisexpected · 03/04/2024 21:44

Given some people attending will be 15 it's a hard no from me. I would only supply alcohol to 18 year olds. They have their whole lives to drink at parties. I'd make it clear to your teen alcohol is unwelcome and anyone with any will be asked to go home.

NoTouch · 03/04/2024 21:48

They will still bring their own so what you provide will just be more.

Have you permission from parents?

You have been told they will be drinking, are you still going out leaving them unsupervised?

What are your plans to ensure all the children you have supplied alcohol to/condoned drinking in your home get back home safely?

BobbyBiscuits · 03/04/2024 21:49

I think actively providing booze could be sending a slightly bad message if something did go wrong. Tell her the rule is no spirits if kids choose to bring their own. And you're not approving so to speak. Explain it's not about her but that some people are irresponsible. If you keep spirits in the house remove them too.
A few beers is fine but if you supply them it makes it trickier I guess.

Jellybeanz456 · 03/04/2024 22:01

My ds went to his mates 16th the mum bought drinks ds came home at 11.30 cheerful but not pissed said they all had 3 ciders each and he had a great time. Teaching them about sensible drinking is a good thing I'd rather my ds done that than go hang out in the park with his mates drinking.

lzzyJ · 03/04/2024 22:04

Totally fine with the other parents approval.

AngelQuartz · 03/04/2024 22:19

AzureNewt · 03/04/2024 21:39

This was the norm for me growing up at 16, but I think you’d need sign-off from the parents.

Same here!

My parents would let me have those VK and WKD alcopops from 15, at home and at friends houses. (We also drank in parks and on fields and we all turned out okay. #CouncilEstateLife 😂)

Parents were never present when we had house parties, nothing ever got trashed.

Obviously if you’re not comfortable OP, then don’t do it. If you feel like you trust your DD and her friends then just check with their parents first.

CommentNow · 03/04/2024 22:25

I wouldnt risk being out of the house due to ransoms but that's already been said.

I get the whole giving them something you're happy with but there is no good choice of alcohol.

If you're going to go ahead with it, let them source their own and learn from their mistakes of drinking.

If you want to leave your child at home with an unlocked drinks cupboard, that's your parenting decision. Maybe your child wont even want to drink.

Let little isobelle get in trouble for getting drunk on alcohol she has swiped from her parents house or asked an older sibling to buy. Dont line yourself up up for the hassle of providing booze to minors.

noclouds · 03/04/2024 22:25

DS had a party at 16 too with just a small group of friend, we did buy a bottle of vodka and some beers but DH stayed home and checked on them regularly. Other Kids parents knew there would be alcohol and we preferred knowing what they were drinking instead of buying anything dodgy

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