I have an ex who is an absolute narcissistic and my daughter and I fled from him due to DV. Fast forward a few years and we are “amicable” but he does snap and switch when he doesn’t get his own way, and unfortunately the only way to keep him from verbally abusing me is to block him until he has calmed down (usually a day or two) which is the followed by a grovelling apology. We are not together and he sees our daughter 6 days out of a month. I know how to deal with him and I have very strict boundaries that he is forced to respect because I do not take any crap from him. I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful man for a few years now and one one occasion he had to step in to be the middle man as the abuse was too much. Unfortunately, my partner doesn’t know how to set boundaries and is happy to receive messages from ex. I’ve explained to him that the reason my ex contacts him, is because I have blocked him and he knows the only way the abuse will get to me is by contacting my partner. I asked my partner on several occasions to not respond to him and let him shoot himself in the foot but I end up finding out that he still responds to him. The most recent issue I had is when my ex (who is due to have my little one this weekend) started his excuses by planting the seed that he can’t get a train ticket this weekend to pick her up(we have an arrangement which we have been doing for a couple of years now), when I told him I’m sure he can find another way he said he would then the next day asked if I can drop her to him instead because of train delays, at first I said yes to avoid his negative comeback but then I found out there were no train issue and told him this, to be which he responded that he knew but wants me to drop her anyway, I told him I don’t owe him favours and to stop making excuses (his fave football team are playing this weekend). He sent me a barrage of abusive messages accusing me of being angry and abusive and that if I don’t bring her to him, then he’s not coming to pick her up. My partner is aware of this and aware that I had asked my ex to only contact me if it’s to confirm a pick up and drop off and nothing else. Today my partner tells me that my ex messaged him to tell me that he blocked me because I’m abusive and stopping him from seeing our daughter, my partner responds to him saying that “ahhh this shouldn’t really be happening” to which my ex started conversing with him as if they were best friends and even telling my partner that I’m abusive etc and that I should be made to pay for his transport to pick up and drop off our daughter and that he shouldn’t be paying! My ex then responds saying “ahh ok, I’ll let her know, this isn’t right”. AIBU by getting upset with my partner who should have spoken to me first before responding to my ex? I blocked him and my partner is aware of his cycle of anger towards me when he doesn’t get his way but I’m starting to realise that my partner may not understand boundaries! This is a super tough topic for me because I don’t understand why my partner even though I have told him many times not to get involved with him, still feels ok to do so. Any communication with my ex is still his way of being abusive to me because my partner will repeat his negativity to me. I’m sick and tired of this and don’t know why my partner cannot stay out of it!
for clarity, I have full custody of my daughter.