How to cope when your life isn’t how you imagined it?

[Blackandorange]

I’m slipping into a deep depression.

My life isn’t anything like how I thought it would be.
I live 150 miles away from my parents and family. I can’t move to be nearer to them for two reasons 1) financial 2) I live with my DP and our son, he won’t let me take our son to live elsewhere and he doesn’t want to move.

We have very little income and our house is small, old and ugly.

I always envisioned living near to my family and having regular contact and support with my parents once I’d had a child.
We are currently staying with them for Easter and I’ve realised what I’m missing , my DS loves spending time with his grandparents , uncle and auntie. Having the ‘village’ that I’m so desperately missing where I currently live is what I always imagined.

What doesn’t help is that myself and DP are really not getting along at the moment, but he’s made it very clear that he doesn’t want (won’t allow me)
to move back with my son to be with my parents.

I have a feeling that a lot of your issues are to do with the state of your relationship, rather than your postcode. It sounds very unbalanced. If you have told him that you are feeling this way and his response is to use his child to hold you to ransom to prevent you leaving him, then no wonder you feel depressed, that's a horrible situation to be in. You must feel very lonely and it's understandable that you want to 'go home'.

I personally would seperate from him and live locally, keeping DS in school, and things stable as possible, and set up a shared care plan between you and your partner, and give it a couple of years and see how you feel. Work hard to make friends and set yourself up independantly, while allowing your child the opportunity to have a relationship with both his parents, which is the goal.

I wouldn't be suprised if you felt much better under the new circumstances, and didn't feel the need to move 150 miles away any more.

You really do need to get some reliable advice about this.

Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that life rarely works out the way you want it? One of the reasons people are so unhappy is that they expect too much of life. I have the letters my great grandfather wrote home from the trenches in WW1. All he wants is to walk in the park, play with his children, and watch the flowers grow. For him, sitting in a trench in France, that seems like heaven. Just to be out of the sound of gunfire would be heaven! Today, people want a big house, a perfect family, an exciting career, and on and on. I’m not criticising the OP. We’re all victims of this mindset. The less you want, the happier you’ll be.

You change the things you can and accept the things you can’t. A brief summary but I find this applies in all circumstances. I couldn’t do anything about my husband dying, I could do something about my life afterwards.

He won’t want the child full time op. He works. So it is more likely to be weekend custody, you can move closer to your family. I feel maybe you’re looking for reasons not to go, that it’s like a pipe dream but you’re not brave enough or willing enough as the reality might be different? That you want to go but for him to come with you?

I guess for your partner his job, his family his social circle is there and this was the deal from the start that you agreed to.

I didn't expect my mam to die just after my youngest was born so they won't even have memories of her... life is just shit.

You can change your situation if your unhappy.

But for your question of 'how?' you just keep going because there is only really 2 options: 'power on' or 'check out' and lets be honest no one is advising anyone check out of life so we all just power on because we have too.

I'm sorry to read that you are struggling and have suicidal thoughts. I think the first thing you should do, before moving, divorce, courts etc, is go the GP, get some medication and in the queue for some counselling. If you can stretch to private sessions, do that as you will be seen much quicker.
Your problems will all not magically disappear if you move. Although I understand the mindset of moving and being unhappy with your support network rather than without it.