Husband lost his temper and bruised our child's arm

[Babibel]

It's not the first time. It's the 4-5th times over 4 years. Our child can go very far when he is hungry or misunderstood. He kicked his dad in the bus, spat, said bad words. I advised his dad to try to talk about something my son likes, or change seat, or stand next to him, etc...Instead husband sat like a stone, being kicked and he ended up grabbing him very hard to the point that my son has bruises on his little arms. I can understand grabbing, I can not understand squeezing this hard. I was not there, I just saw the results when they came home.
He loves his son but, this happens. (Me, I am abused mentally, but that's another topic).
Thoughts?

Sorry OP, I don't understand what you mean when you say 'He kicked his son in the bus, spat, said bad words.' Do you mean your son spat and said bad words, if so, what does 'he kicked his son' mean?

Take photos of the bruises.

Make plans to leave. Suggest you call women's aid for help with the practicalities.

You are being unreasonable if you plan to tolerate this behaviour. This is not OK, why would you want to stay with a man like this? Get out as quickly and safely as you can. Good luck.

Are you concerned about your son's behaviour at all? What makes him tantrum like that?
Do you think he might have special needs?

What you choose to put up with for yourself is one thing, what you choose to put up with for your child is a whole other thing. You cannot accept him behaving like this and if it were me I'd be offloading him and keeping my child safe. Bruises on arms this week, what would it be next time? Please, get rid of him and get help for yourself and child.

How old is your son, why was he kicking and spitting at his dad?
Do you not parent him when he does this and just try and placate him?

Sorry, I corrected that sentence. Our child was the one hitting his dad in the bus. Then his dad grabbed him.

Oh, I see, he kicked his Dad! Now it makes sense. In that case your DH needs to learn some parenting skills. However, even if he's open to this, which I think it unlikely if he's the sort of person to let bad behaviour continue, until he can no longer control himself, and then lashes out, I don't think I'd be happy to leave my child in his father's sole care in future. As a previous poster said OP, I would be seriously planning on leaving, as this man is obviously unable to control himself, and I'm kind of wondering as you've mentioned mental abuse, how long it will be before he lashes out at you, if he hasn't already. So if you have any family you can turn to, please get their support, and get rid of this man before he harms you or your son any further. This is NOT acceptable!

We live in his country. We are both from European countries but I don't feel like proceeding here, I'm too scared to get trapped. I want us to move to my country first.

Me, I am abused mentally, but that's another topic

It isn’t a separate topic, it’s a pattern of behaviour.

Do you have the means to do this? There is help available here if you need it such as Women’s Aid.

Our son just turned 6. He has tantrums because he grew up around his parents'toxic relationship I believe.

Have you family at home you could reach out to?

I think you all need some help. Your son's behaviour is not being managed, and why is he behaving like this. Your husband's response was not appropriate as it has caused your child to be injured.
I think you need to ask for some help. Try through your GP or health visitor, or look up "early help" for your local authority and contact them. If you leave this, someone else is going to step in and refer you for that help, at which point you'll need to think very hard about why you didn't take steps to keep your child safe.

Op

if a medical professional saw the marks on yr child and asked, what would you say? His Dad did it? And you are accepting this?

have you ever marked your child?
it’s possible to parent a child without marking them!

get out, this is unsafe for you both and if you don’t start putting your child first, then SS will step in and remove the child to ensure they are safe!
do you have a plan to get out? Friends/ family to help?

My family knows. But they are in my homeland and they can only support me with the move and encourage me. They can't do much more than that.

Your son will be acting violently as he is being raised by a physically abusive man. He will be lashing out as he will be so bewildered, hurt and angry that he is being so drastically failed and failed by the people who are meant to protect him and love him above all others. Poor, poor boy. For his sake I hope you do something to remove him from this situation.

His teachers could ask something. I warned my husband. He said he would be fine with saying what happened. (!)
I am scared because I don't want something terrible to happen like my child to be taken from both of us by authorities. I am a freelancer and I don't earn regular income. (well another reason to belittle me...)

Before our son was born I wasn't abused mentally. He was a little dry with comments sometimes but nothing really hurtful. So sometimes I want to keep faith that I don't need to split the family. Obviously my son loves his dad anyways.....

This is so sad and so well said. My husband claims that all the problems come from me. I believe that he has been very sloppy with boundaries. And obviously constantly telling me how bad I am.

I just want to move to my homeland and treat the problem there

Agreed....

I have called them twice for my personal mental health. I never mentioned this though. I am too scared that I would start a serious war. As said I said, I am abroad, I am a freelancer with a small irregular income, I am alone here, I don't own our flat (I did invest some savings though)....I feel like I am in a weak position.

I did record a lot, took a lot of pictures

I don't understand how people change so much. Initially husband wasn't like that. Was it just underlying? He was very sweet with our son. He is still very sweet most of the time.

With me he is truly awful most of the time except just before and after sex.

It is a common argument that the dc love the abusive parent so the other parent doesn't want to break up the family and hurt them...

Children are hard wired to love their parents for their survival. It doesn't mean they are not damaged by witnessing abuse in the household because they very much are. They would be far happier and healthier being raised by a independent single parent than by two parents in an abusive dynamic.

Failure to see this or take it in is sadly the reason so much abuse gets passed down to new generations.

My idea was to move to my homeland and try to fix things there.