To think some mumsnetters are here purely to be nasty

[willywallywallaby]

Amount of posts I see where op has a minor problem and dh is reacting the way most people would and the response is LTB/your ‘d’h is a dick blah blah blah when if the woman reacted in the same way they’d be cheering her on. Wtaf. Some of you need to get off this site and get in the real world a bit.

YABU

Yup. It’s sad.

Agreed

People are complicated, this is not news. Most are nice enough, some are not so nice, a small number are really horrid.

All websites attract some people who are unhelpful in their replies.

YANBU, some very nasty, bitter people on here just itching to be as horrible as they can to anyone who posts just about anything. Its pathetic.

I haven't seen anyone say LTB over something minor or if the actual issue is minor, usually there's a lot of history and OP is clearly unhappy.

yep

You can’t read many threads then, it’s the standard answer on here, usually for some pathetic reason!

MN is no different to most internet forums in that users tend towards moral absolutism, everything is either black or white, when in reality humanity is much more nuanced, so most threads either become an echo-chamber, or descend into a bunfight where anyone expressing a view that differs in any way is rounded upon. Most Social Media is the same.

Absolutely.

The way I see it is that there are loads of misogynists, incels, and bullies in the world, and here is an anonymous website where they can be cruel to vulnerable women seeking help, for free! It’s inevitable that it’ll get nasty. It’s actually genuinely impressive how high the percentage of supportive posts remains.

YANBU. Also there’s clearly some very scarred people who always assume the worst in others; go no contact with your brother he’s clearly a narcissist, your DH has had his head turned, blah blah. These scenarios are unlikely but if the poster has experienced it then you must too. SMH

I think it’s partly because the site is so busy and it can lead to a bit of mob mentality. Combine that with the distance of being online making some peoples behaviour being much harsher or nastier than they would if they were talking directly to a person.

it only takes one person to be a dick for it to trigger a pile on. Almost as though it’s like opening a gate.

like any community of people though it’s a mixed bag.

iv seen some lovely posters but I’ve also seen some disgusting comments towards people seemingly without cause.

I've read plenty. Including multiple threads similar to this which always puzzle me because if it is the standard answer on a thread, it is usually for a very good reason.

It's true op. So many start their replies to posters with 'bullshit!!!' Whatever happened to 'I disagree'?

There are a lot of nasty goady posters and also posters who pile on because they enjoy it, like playground bullying. Also lots of goading the OP into getting upset and then derailing the thread.

the reason is because on other forums moderation is stricter and doesn’t allow it. On this site, for the most part, apart from taking down specific posts here and there, it is allowed.

Been here - with breaks and name changes - since 2014.

It's nowhere near as jolly as it used to be.

No one lives in the real world here. I think name changing doesn't help

Hmmmm

Some people are here to be inflammatory

I think that most women are with men who are dicks. They just don't realise it.

I’ve been here for years and have never seen this ‘LTB over nothing’.

What I have seen is silly hyperbolic claims like this, nonsense ‘reverse sexism’ arguments and people whose standards for their partners are absolutely on the floor.

Easiest thing would be to link five recent threads in which a number of posters have said LTB over an entirely innocuous issue. Wont take long if it’s happening so frequently.

My favourite is "Run, run away, RUN"

For the most minor thing 😂

Some OPs state a minor issue but the history behind it tells a long tale of other issues often over a period of years. That's when I see a LTB.

There are many threads full of people being supportive, helpful and making constructive comments and asking advice.

If we're here to point out nastiness, I don't think "Some of you need to get off this site and get in the real world a bit" was meant in a nice way. Posters generally seem to have full lives to me and MN is an aside.

Yanbu. It's always been that way though, but it's got worse as it's become fashionable to trash talk across social media.

No doubt. It's the same on every forum though concerning any topic.

LTB is a bit of a cliche phrase on MN directed towards women who are putting up with poor behaviour. If you know the site it is used more often than not to emphasise the behaviour and what they are experiencing is unacceptable and as a prompt for them to change - whether that is leaving, standing up for themselves or having a difficult conversation, seek RL support.

Genuine “ I think you should leave” for your safety/wellbeing posts do not use the phrase as much and can be very supportive.

MN has always been robust, and doesn’t need further moderation beyond the report button. Women have enough experiences in their lives being told how they should speak or behave without starting threads like this.

Anyone who doesn’t like the tone of the site knows where the door is. 🚪

The OP: