Would you stay at a date for 4 hours if you weren't interested?

[Toomuch33]

He invited me out for drinks, the 4 hours flew by. He seemed a little nervous at times and at one point we looked at each other for a long while.
We had fantastic conversation, we laughed, we talked about deeper subjects, covered so many things.
The next day, nothing.
Ah well.. I was just thinking why stay 4 hours if you weren't feeling it? Like I'd stay 1 to be polite but not 4.
He's previously told a mutual friend he thinks I'm really attractive, and he's told me he likes really likes talking to me and we have a lot in common.
No major incompatibilities that I can see.

Based on my experience it could be:-
—He was hoping for sex that night
I once had a really long date with a guy I already knew from work. It went just as you described. Then he brushed me off and didn’t want to do it again. From what I later found out about him, he totally did it with the hope of sex.
-Ego strokes.
-Very sociable and likes to talk
-Not looking for a relationship but otherwise liked you
-Was looking for a relationship but didn’t think you were compatible long term. I’ve turned down second dates for this reason. Reasons on my list of experiences: Wanted kids (I don’t want any more kids); differences in political /social issues views; didn’t like cats; was literally a pirate; revealed they had a fetish…
Thought they were pretty great apart from that. I’ve certainly had some other terrible dates and it’s easy to feel grateful when one goes pleasantly.
-People pleaser

i guess be glad he enjoyed your company and that you’re not compatible. I empathise that it’s difficult when you don’t know why. I once went on a date that went pretty well and at the end he didn’t say goodbye- he just walked off in a different direction! Can you maybe think of anything you don’t like about him? I’ve gone on way too many second dates I shouldn’t have. Maybe mutual friends will eventually spill the beans.

That might be it. He also might be seeing someone else. He might not know if you liked him back and wants to see if you text (if so, immature). There might be a million reasons but you just need to process your disappointment and move on sadly

I just wish people would be upfront in this situation as it can leave a horrible feeling for the person being brushed off. I'd much rather prefer a message the next day saying it was lovely to meet but I don't feel I want to take it further because I didn't feel a connection/realised I am not yet over last relationship etc. Rather than just going a bit quiet, it leaves you thinking what did I do?? I never really did online dating but I did go on a date once and just didn't feel any spark in person, so the next day I just sent a polite message to say so and that was it. I think you may well hear from him again in a few days or weeks though op. He hasn't blocked you, he may be trying to keep his options open.

I think it would be useful for context OP, if you said when this date was?

This is absolutely true. My experience of single men in their 30s is that most of them don’t want an equal but someone who ‘needs’ them and who they can feel superior to, in some way. It’s pretty depressing, but I would rather stay single than play down my achievements and personality for the sake of a man’s ego.

On top of what PP have said, it is sadly true that some men seek out weaker characters they can manipulate, to make themselves feel powerful. If he senses you've got a strong personality/ goof support network and probably wouldn't put up with BS he'll know you won't put up with him. He probably thought you were some doormat and got a surprise.

When i first started OLD i would have stayed, and did...for hours even if i knew it was a no. You do grow thicker skin as you go on. I would only do coffee now, easier to leave if no alcohol involved. Its only been a day anyway. Tbh im straight forward...id text and ask straight out. You want to go out again, np if not 😁