Would you stay at a date for 4 hours if you weren't interested?

[Toomuch33]

He invited me out for drinks, the 4 hours flew by. He seemed a little nervous at times and at one point we looked at each other for a long while.
We had fantastic conversation, we laughed, we talked about deeper subjects, covered so many things.
The next day, nothing.
Ah well.. I was just thinking why stay 4 hours if you weren't feeling it? Like I'd stay 1 to be polite but not 4.
He's previously told a mutual friend he thinks I'm really attractive, and he's told me he likes really likes talking to me and we have a lot in common.
No major incompatibilities that I can see.

He could've been but he didn't even try to hug me let alone that! I am wondering if he thought it was just friends.

One day? My husband didn't call me for a week! He was busy. Give the guy a chance.

I wouldn’t take it personally. He’s probably going on dates with lots of different people. He may better down the line with one he quite likes. He may have been extra nice to you in the hope of getting a shag, and when one was forthcoming he decided he couldn’t be bothered making any more effort. He could have decided that the chemistry just didn’t hit quite right. He could still be in a relationship with someone else or just have gone through a break up. Either way, not your circus, not your monkey, and at least you knew before you got too invested.

In my times of online dating, I kept wondering what’s actually going on in people’s heads. I remember one first date that went on for 5-6 hours, we didn’t run out of things to talk about, laughed so much, he kept suggesting going for one more to the next bar…then a quick kiss just as my tube came and I was saying goodbye. And then he ghosted me 🤷‍♀️

Sorry. He doesn't fancy you

But he wants you to like him. So he encouraged that

Men are like that. Silly twats

Ah, who knows 🤷‍♀️

Just move on now, if you hear from him great, if not you have your own life to lead.

I guess so, and yes it did leave me miffed. But I have also stayed on dates for a few hours even though I wasn’t terribly into them romantically and doubted they’d be a second date. If they were nice and we were having an alright time, I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being hasty and get to know them as much as I could. Though I never ghosted anyone after, I was always upfront.

hoping for sex

Honestly? When I was young I would have. Because my primary motivation was to please, make sure they had a good time and that they liked me. Pretty much everybody thought they had loads in common with me, because I would just read them, and be who they wanted me to be. This is more common behaviour in women, but I've known it in men too.

How did he turn down the suggestion of a 2nd date?

I think you've confused a lot of us by implying in your first post that you were miffed he hadn't called or messaged you the next day, rather than (if I've picked it up correctly from later posts) you did speak to him but that he didn't want to go for another date.

However, If I met someone for the first time and was having a nice evening, I'd stay and talk, yes. But there are LOADS of people i could happily spend time with for the evening, that I don't "click with" in a romantic way.
If you (or both of you) are looking for a relationship, then there isn't much point in him stringing you along, if he just felt the 'spark' wasn't there.
Doesn't mean you cut the evening short and go home early after an hour though - might as well have a pleasant evening as you are out.

Me too.

Lack of a hug should have told you there and then @Toomuch33. He enjoyed your company but the spark wasn't there so it went no further.

Yup. Pre DH, I had many an enjoyable date with chaps who just didn’t make the cut, for some reason (it could be anything from poor table manners to not knowing what the Bechdel test was). Didn’t stop me from enjoying the date(s), but they got a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ message the next day.

Women do all sorts of silly shit too, let’s not forget that 😅

People are twats, not just men.

Could be any reason, but that reason is a good one. Better not to start a relationship if you aren't a match there.

I’d think that he thought it was going well and it would result in sex. You’ve dodged a bullet. Next!

Maybe there was no spark but he was having a great time.

Married?

It's a difference of opinions I guess, if it happened to me in the future I wouldn't stay for hours like that even if I was having 'such a wonderful time' as it just gives false hope I think.

Yes I would.
I've met some interesting fun people with good conversation that I just wasn't romantically interested in. (Online dating so had to make it to the date to find that out)

This happened to me earlier this year, OP. My best date in months - so much to talk about, so much chemistry, even hints at what we can do for a second date, then….nothing. Just that curt reply and no effort to keep the conversation going / suggest a second meet up, like you describe.

I tried to move past it quickly but when giving it some more thought, I think he was put off by the fact I have my own flat whereas he rents. Depressing that that could put a man off.

How refreshing to hear a woman who instantly accepts reality instead of desperately hoping the guy has lost his phone or been temporarily kidnapped by a unicorn. If he wants you, you'll know.

I'm so fucking glad I don't have to date anymore. Not in a "oh I'm so smug because I've found someone" way. I'm now just permanently doing life as a single woman.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm not saying this was the case in my situation but I do think some men seem to be put off when the woman has more going for them than they do, almost as if the woman doesn't 'need' them. It's strange.

Hmm I think the fact he's told a friend he finds you attractive doesn't tell you much.
Even if he didn't he's unlikely to declare that to a mutual friend.
There's a difference between someone saying "oh wow she's absolutely gorgeous, so attractive" and saying 'yes' to the question "do you think she's attractive Dave?"

The dates I've been on where we've had a great time and connected but I just haven't 'felt it' or the fella hasn't been my type I can honestly say they were all decent looking guys, maybe conventionally attractive. So id admit to them being attractive but not being my kind of attractive.