Ex refusing to pay CM after holiday

[Musli200]

My Ex & I have a private agreement for child maintenance. He recently decreased it with no notice due to finding out I was in a new relationship.

Im constantly having to chase him for it which makes me feel like a beggar.

He owns his own business and is a high earner although tells me if I went the route of c.m.s I would get less so I suspect he fiddles the books.

We don’t have set days for dc. He usually takes dc one night during the week and one night at the weekends, sometimes two nights at the weekends or just during the day on a Saturday if he has plans. So far it has worked well.

He has been abroad twice this year for one week at a time without dc .
I was away for five nights without dc during this time my parents kept dc for one night and ex had her the rest of the time.

He informed me on my return that he would not be paying c.m this week and how dare I ask for it as it should me paying him as he looked after dc while I was away .

He is taking dc on a last minute trip to visit family next week for four nights. He will of course again refuse to pay cms.

aibu to think this is unfair ?

Very unfair...its really sad when they do this😒. If you are sure you would get much less on cms then I would take the L😢

Hi everyone ,
So I went down the Csa route.
Today I was told I would be receiving a whopping £21 per week.
Ex has said he earns less than £300 per week
Of course he’s been a gloating prick about it.
I’m so upset

I’d report him for fiddling the books. Wanker!!

@Musli200 appeal it you have 21 days and you need to put it I writing. It will fo through the courts and you will need to tell the judge you want to see bank statements as evidence. I've been waiting over 15 months but I have a date in summer because ex is claiming he is living off of family and friends help. Whilst I incur all costs for our child!

@Sweetheart7 what do I write that I want to appeal the decision and I think he is being untrue about income ?

Just tell the CMS that he receives dividends as well as a salary and that you'd like to appeal the amount on this basis. You can cite examples of outgoings if you have any eg 4 holidays a year, car purchase, mortgage payments, if you have details

Maybe he will be decent and pay you maintenance for his DC so their lives don't change too much. I'd have a chat to him about it.

That is very low. Go to the CMS calculator and put in what you think he earns and the overnights he has DC and see what it says. Then you can decide what to do. There is a lot to be said for not letting him dictate to you about what you can do and when he'll pay or not.

I hope you appeal and win, I'm sorry, OP.

In the mean time, minimise his opportunities to gloat.

Tell him all communication is to be via email from now and then block him on your mobile/whatsapp/facebook etc.

Remove his ability to call or text you or message you.

And also, don't do him any favours, don't do anything that makes his life easier.

And get a CAO in place FGS not at his whim when he wants to see Dc

I appealed on 'lifestyle not consistent with declared earnings'. I had to go to review and the chair asked for an accountant to attend. I did win and my exh had to go from paying £80 PW to £150 pw and this was about 17 years ago. CMS have the right to take his passport away, which they did threaten to do unless payments were made. He paid but told me 'he was going to spend the rest of his life making my life miserable'. He has tried hard at times over the years.

Depends if he is paying over the required amount from his earnings. If he is no point in rocking the boat. He may then do some sort of legal 'fiddle' like saying he has a low income and taking dividends.

No practical advice to add to that already given. Just sympathy for your child having such an absolute cunt for a father and for you having to deal with him. Fucking deadbeat piece of shit.

He's not being untrue about his income. He will be paying himself minimum wage then putting any profit back into the business. It's what lots of self employed people do.

The money belongs to the business, and not directly to him, even though it's his business.

He did tell you this is what would happen if you went to CMS, as did some other posters. Very unfair, but unfortunately some people are just arseholes.

I suggest you now formalise the schedule of when he has DC rather than the ad hoc basis you currently use. You might as well formalise things properly.

@Musli200

My experience is that of someone is self employed they can hide their income.

Still think going cms is better then lettting him treat you like shit. He scum for not wanting to pay for his children.

Maybe say that kind of thing to him. Or just grey rock him so he doesn't enjoy upsetting you.

As well as going through CMS, I would also see a solicitor and get a formal arrangement for visitation sorted so he can't backtrack on paying because your DD is with him that week, and you all know where you stand.
My DD goes to her dads every other weekend and in her 8 years we have never strayed off the schedule - everyone knows the deal and where she'll be. Holidays are fitted into our respective time with her.

Don't let him use her to control you

“Wow. To think someone could actually gloat that they hide money to ensure that their children go without. Well done you…”

@SilentSilhouette fathers have a legal obligation to pay for their children.

OP yes. Gather as much evidence as you can. Gather evidence look him up on Google and company house. Screen shot as much as you can. If he owns a property get the details from land registry.

CMS will do nothing but you can further to a tribunal and the judge has powers (you need to demand) bank statements! Good luck.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/complaints-and-appeals#:~:text=After%20you%20submit%20your%20appeal,be%20heard%20by%20the%20tribunal.

This.

Please anyone reading this apply for a variation/reconsideration if your ex is self employed or has other assets as dividends/unearned income is taken into account.

It's NOT done in the initial assessment..

Write to your MP, HMRC can investigate. No wonder people who own their own business have so much surplus cash when not paying the right tax. I’d tell him he won’t be laughing for long as you’ll be making sure HMRC are investigating now as you’ve got evidence of the fact he’s earning a lot more than he’s declaring

No don't tell him OP. Because you don't want to rock the boat further and it can be a very long process.

Update !
CSA called to say they’ve looked into companies house and there’s nothing they could find so variation case has been closed .
I asked what my options were she said I could seek legal advice but as far as they are concerned that’s the furthest they can take it right now