Ex refusing to pay CM after holiday

[Musli200]

My Ex & I have a private agreement for child maintenance. He recently decreased it with no notice due to finding out I was in a new relationship.

Im constantly having to chase him for it which makes me feel like a beggar.

He owns his own business and is a high earner although tells me if I went the route of c.m.s I would get less so I suspect he fiddles the books.

We don’t have set days for dc. He usually takes dc one night during the week and one night at the weekends, sometimes two nights at the weekends or just during the day on a Saturday if he has plans. So far it has worked well.

He has been abroad twice this year for one week at a time without dc .
I was away for five nights without dc during this time my parents kept dc for one night and ex had her the rest of the time.

He informed me on my return that he would not be paying c.m this week and how dare I ask for it as it should me paying him as he looked after dc while I was away .

He is taking dc on a last minute trip to visit family next week for four nights. He will of course again refuse to pay cms.

aibu to think this is unfair ?

He started it a year before we married (over 20 years ago) Yes, it is doing well. My solicitor is very on the ball and i'm confident she'll miss nothing, it's just nerve wracking not knowing how things are going to pan out.

Much sympathy to the OP

It’s good to know you have good legal advice. I truly hope everything works out well for you and for the OP. I can’t believe her ex!

@BibbleandSqwauk your quite right. Time to get on it

Go to the CMS end of

Everyone is telling you to go through CMS which is a good answer - but how much I'd he paying you?

@Cantgetausername87 it was 75 pw then he reduced it to 60 pw without notice.

If you go in the government website it will show you how mich they have to pay. The more the father sees them, the less they have to pay as they are providing for them.
So he probably doesn't need to pay you that week if he had them that week as its him who is providing their electricity and meals etc.

It's averaged over a year though. Not calculated on a week to week basis.

That’s not how it works

The weekly amount is averaged out over the year. If he has weeks of non payment he’d have to pay more on the weeks he does pay

Everyone saying go through CMS, she might end up with nothing at all. My ex is a decent earner but as he’s self employed, he fiddles with his tax returns so it’s in the minus. Because he has minus income and is not on benefits - in cms’s eyes they claim he doesn’t have to pay any maintenance. I’ve done multiple appeals and trying to get to tribunal but they really don’t have the power to do anything. So going to cms will do nothing but cause more stress and possibly create no maintenance.

Have you gone to HMrC?

Also get your MP involved - especially with an election coming up.

HMRC are usually very interested in people cooking their books - then CMs can use HMRCs figures

I had a similar situation, my ex spent years telling me I'd get much less going through cms, would be much worse off etc. When I actually had enough and decided to go through them I ended up being entitled to nearly twice the amount he had been paying me! The whole process shit him up and forced him to play ball. He's no longer able to control me in the way he was before and things between us have improved. Don't let him call the shots anymore.

What is it with these bloody men who think their children don't deserve to be properly supported?! It's shocking the lengths they'll go to to avoid paying maintenance, like it's some kind of game. Yet it's us 'single mums' who are still vilified 🙄

HMRC would beed proof before opening an investigation. He’s most likely just paying himself the tax-free allowance and topping up with dividends. He can pay for an expensive car through the company as long as he pays the additional tax and NI for it, which he can also pay for out of company money that will sit in the directors loan account. All of this is legal and above board but will pose an issue if he wants a mortgage or anything like that.

CMS can take into account dividends. You need to ask for a mandatory reconsideration and they will.
You might need to be pushy depending on caseworker.

It can’t be just dividends if the posters variation has failed - dividends count as unearned income in a variation

I am guessing her twat of an ex doesn’t realise this. I hope the CF gets stung.

Tbf to him if my ex had the child for the week, I wouldn't expect money on top. He's clearly a knob in general but I see his point there. It sounds like a pitiful amount he pays considering his earnings!

If it is a company that is after has has paid himself wages and/or dividends

It’s just the balance sheet, which is an outline of company assets and liabilities. Nothing to do with how much the company has made.

I absolutely do expect payment when my sons are with their father for a week. I’m still paying all the bills, buying their clothes, shoes, school trips and uniform, tutors, sports clubs, and everything else. This doesn’t stop when Disney dad wants to pay.

OP, if he has a really nice house, does he have a really nice mortgage too. Because if so, he will have had to declare his income to HMRC in order to get that mortgage.

Go via CMS and you may be surprised at what he has declared.

Use CMS and have set days. IMO set days are better for the child too, as it gives a sense of security knowing when they are where.

@unbelievablescenes and that is why the amount is not calculated week by week but over the year. It would be far too complex to keep changing it around if the pattern shifted for school holidays etc. Plus, as a pp said, in reality, the RP is going to be buying the vast majority of stuff; kit,uniform, hobby fees, phone contracts etc . Those are not usually regular amounts either but taken over the year, cost X (bearing in mind CMS is not even meant to go towards that..it's "contribution to essentials", as though that's all a parent needs to provide 🙄. )
CMS is flawed in a million ways but at least it's official, demonstrable and would be enforceable IF the actual service had the courage to do what they have the power to do.

I'm sorry to say that he sounds like someone who likes getting their own way. CMS will take dividends into account if you ask. They don't always because they dont know if they are there but if you tell them to look for dividends and other sources of income then they will.

(https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/other-financial-commitments-child-maintenance-cases#:~:text=The%20paying%20parent%20can%20also,least%20%C2%A32%2C500%20a%20year)

This will give him quite a shock. And you can apply to HMRC to review his tax return. They catch fraudsters quite easily by adding up outgoings vs declared income. Even if hidden, they just ask where the money came from for four holidays etc...

I am sorry to say that this sounds like someone who is using money as a emotional control not just financial and he will jerk your strings for years to come. Hand it over to the CMS, you will get a guaranteed income and he will realise you are not a pushover,

DONT, for goodness sake, go for an informal settlement without getting it legally checked.. Make sure he knows you have a really good lawyer, even if you dont use them much, My divorced friends and family all bitterly regret not getting the better lawyer. It seems expensive but this guy has lots of assets he thinks he can hide. The courts will drag it out of him.

Good luck