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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want To Work while DS rests after Op

34 replies

Charliesunnysky10 · 02/04/2024 18:27

I took my 16 year old son to hospital Easter Monday with stomach cramps - he was admitted after being diagnosed with apendicitis and had surgery to remove it today. He's still quite poorly post op - the wait in A&E wiped us both out and I've just had a rollercoaster few days. I called my boss from A&E Majors yesterday to ask if I could work from his bedside - I reconcile accounts, and DS had a cubicle. I have no leave left as my DF had an op in Jan and I took my remaining 2 weeks off to care for him. He said it wasn't appropriate. I explained I have no leave left and am struggling financially so can't afford to take unpaid leave. He said not to worry about today and to focus on DS, which was nice, although a little ambiguous. I feel sick at the thought of leaving DS here tomorrow and Thursday - he will be in at least until then. We've no family nearby. The nurses are lovely but he's on a busy ward and the nurses can't be everywhere. I've been here to help him drink, keep him comfortable and reassure him. He's missing his girlfriend, sports, and knows it'll be a few weeks before he can train again. He's in a side ward and I messaged my boss again to ask if i can work in his room. He said that he's already explained it's inappropriate. I know I've had little sleep which isnt helping but I feel so anxious and stressed. I just want to be able to work and be here for DS these next couple of days. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 02/04/2024 18:28

The only other option I can suggest is borrowing from next year’s holiday allowance. They may not allow it.

Tatas · 02/04/2024 18:29

I would say YANBU to request clarity on the "don't worry" comment.

I do think YABU to be working at your child's bedside in hospital, it's just not an appropriate workplace - you're not going to be on your best form, able to concentrate or in a calm environment to work efficiently. Some companies (mine!) have rules on being able to work in public places too, it's just not allowed.

Noyesnoyesok · 02/04/2024 18:33

I should imagine your son will be discharged tomorrow. Quite usual nowadays post op appendix to be home next day.If so , you could probably work from home for this week.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/04/2024 18:33

YABU to expect to be able to do what I assume is quite sensitive work in a public place, yes. My employer also would not allow that.

You can take parental/dependent leave though to give yourself the time off to be with your child.

Livinghappy · 02/04/2024 18:35

What is your relationship usually like with your boss?

I think you have to accept his stance on not working at the bedside and focus on some flexibility such as WFH and go to the hospital for a few hours, middle (long lunch) or end of day.

Whilst I completely understand your worry he is 16 and can communicate with you by phone to check in during the time you are not there. Where is his Dad?

Does the hospital have set visiting hours as I didn't think they would like you there all the time as visitors do disrupt other patients. I know when I was in hospital I welcomed the non visiting hours so I could rest.

Anotherillnes · 02/04/2024 18:37

Sorry it sounds really hard but Yabu. It isn’t a workplace. As you say you are there doing things for your son and ready even he is asleep. It would need to be unpaid leave. Either that or you go to work. See how your DS is. Give the staff your number in case he is distressed. Ask him and the nursing staff how he was and reassess for any other working days.

Original poster
Charliesunnysky10 · 02/04/2024 18:38

@Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop I'll ask if I can do that. I'm even mote worried he'll not be able to cope at home Friday

@Tatas I feel like I've shot myself in the foot giving the hospital info. I could have said DS is sick and although I'm office based, I think he'd be okay with me WFH.

OP posts:
Crazyclover · 02/04/2024 18:39

Do you have a compassionate leave policy at work?

ChedderGorgeous · 02/04/2024 18:43

Depending on what you do, the other thing is that no one in the ward (paeds or adults depending on local policy) will want to hear you on calls, working. Quite frankly they are also unwell and needs rest. If the side room is sound proof, can you be interrupted by nurses / HCAs and doctors walking in whenever , would that be professional ? I side with your boss on this.

toomuchfaff · 02/04/2024 18:44

YABU to expect to work from a hospital bedside, not only because it's not an appropriate work environment from your employers perspective but it's also not appropriate as you are a visitor at the hospital and as such can be asked to leave the area for any reason such as treatments etc. The fact your son is 16 not 2 makes this more so.

Your boss has been accommodating so far, youre choices are take the unpaid leave, or don't spend all day at hospital. The hospital isn't your workplace.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/04/2024 18:45

How old is DS?

Your work may have a parental or compassionate leave policy you can use

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/04/2024 18:46

Ignore my first question, comprehension is not my thing today

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 02/04/2024 18:47

You're being massively unreasonable to expect your employer to allow you to work from hospital

UptoYou · 02/04/2024 18:48

You should be able to take (unpaid) parental leave

Hope DS is better soon

BananaSpanner · 02/04/2024 18:50

I sympathise but your boss knows that you will be not giving work your full attention. You’ve said it yourself you want to do the additional caring the nurses can’t do. What if you make mistakes with the accounts because you are distracted, that will presumably have an impact for the company.

Go to work. Ask the girlfriend and a couple of mates to visit him. He’ll be fine.

Popchippps · 02/04/2024 18:51

What WiFi would you be using to enable you to work? I suspect secure access could be an issue from your managers perspective

however they have said no and to be blunt it’s not his problem you don’t want to take unpaid leave

could you asked for the next two days off then make up the time over the next few weeks

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/04/2024 18:53

Are you sure your 16yr old son actually wants you by his side all the time?

effoffwind · 02/04/2024 18:54

Surely you can take parental leave for at least 2 days ?
You may be surprised at how quickly he'll be discharged .. my son was home in 36 hrs after the same operation

Then work from work while he rests and you can be around if he needs anything

Marghogeth · 02/04/2024 18:59

16? He'll be fine, OP.

Somuchgoo · 02/04/2024 18:59

I've worked from my child's hospital bedside (with their knowledge) occasionally. The main barrier is issues with connectivity so I often haven't been able to, although they are happy to do so. I've also dialled in to (audio) meetings, but with the understanding that I'll hang up if a HCP comes in. My work is 99% just laptop based though.

This has only ever been when she's had a private room though, and calls are only in the bathroom and if convenient. My work is sensitive but I'm glad they are pragmatic about it. Often hospitals can be boring in the evenings, especially when a child is asleep, and do my view is I may as well work if I can.

GettingStuffed · 02/04/2024 19:03

When DD fractured her elbow I was allowed nursing leave for a few days, her dad was SAHD and work knew that.

dottiedodah · 02/04/2024 19:04

If he's recovering, then surely he needs to rest a lot .maybe you could leave work early and go then .or give up your lunch break. If you are not working tomorrow then that will be able to stay with him then

KreedKafer · 02/04/2024 19:05

Your boss is right that it’s inappropriate to work from the hospital.

All you need to do is get him to clarify that you can take these days as compassionate/carers/sick leave.

Or just go to work. He’s 16.

PickledPurplePickle · 02/04/2024 19:08

He's 16, he will be fine

You could ask to take the time and make time up - is this an option? When does your new holiday year start? Can you borrow some from next year?

NCForQuestions · 02/04/2024 19:12

Sick leave. You're exhausted, stressed and unable to think straight. Understandably. Take the week off sick with stress.

Not a joke, not sarcasm, sincere suggestion.