AIBU to go off sick before I am?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I think I'm close to burnout or a bit of a breakdown or something. My anxiety is getting worse and worse, I'm finding myself starting to detach from things, which is usually a sign it's getting really bad. I'm permanently exhausted and easily overwhelmed. My performance at work is suffering.

This has happened before, and I just kept going and going until eventually one morning in work I just couldn't function. I went to see my manager, burst in to tears, and ended up going off sick for 2 months.

I've had a block of therapy with a psychologist, which was really helpful. I've reflected and considered what triggers my anxiety, what I need to stay healthy etc. But it's very hard with young kids and a job (albeit part time) to actually do those things. My anxiety has been up and down a lot since I went off (1.5yrs ago now), and I've tried to keep working on it and putting strategies in place and things. But it's not working now, and I feel like I'm heading for the point of going off again.

I feel like a need a complete break to reset a bit, reflect a bit more on why I keep getting to this point, do some of the things I know will help (organise life, exercise, healthy eating and good routines), and mainly just rest. Rest my mind and body.

How do you get that break? I can't afford to use annual leave coz I need it all for the kids holidays. But I'm not sick, so is sick leave completely unethical?

I know we could all do with a break like this. But I really feel like I'm going to not be able to keep going without ending up sick anyway, and in worse shape mentally.

Absolutely not BU. I'd say you're already ill. Mental health is a big deal, and I think it's responsible to take time off before it becomes huge, which will no hopefully mean that you need less time off in the long run.

It happened to me. I knew I was struggling (I work with children so need to be ok). I took 3 weeks off, and worked on getting better - gym, cut out drinking etc) and went back feeling tons better. Not had time off since.

You're already ill, just more aware or your declining mental state by the sound of things. A short break now may give you the space for a reset and mean you can put strategies in place and get back to things more quickly.

But you are sick? I've done both - waiting until the point of breakdown and going off sick and recognising when I was heading that way and going off sick. The latter was so much easier to recover from.

YANBU.

Go off now before you get to breaking point and do whatever it is you need to do to get back to a better place.

Take care OP

I was in exactly the same place last April. Ended up having 6 weeks off work and it helped massively. Something needed to turn off for a while, and work was the only thing I could walk away from for a while.
Take the time before you reach breaking point, it'll be much more difficult when you get to that point.

What causes your anxiety? I would gently suggest that a break may not be the solution, rather it's proper strategies you need. I find exercise first thing is game changing for anxiety.

A break surely just kicks the can down the road?

It will depend on your employer.

I feel like a need a complete break to reset a bit, reflect a bit more on why I keep getting to this point, do some of the things I know will help (organise life, exercise, healthy eating and good routines), and mainly just rest. Rest my mind and body. a lot will tell you to take annual leave for this.

Others will say you're already sick so yes go sick.

Only you can decide if it's right for you to use sick leave. Depending which type of employer you have will affect what you tell them.

You are already ill - anxiety, overwhelmed, exhausted.

IMHO, you are much better to take sick leave before you hit rock-bottom. That way you still have something left to build your recovery on. If you leave it until you are fully depleted, it will take you much longer to recover.

If you were on my team, I would prefer you to take sick leave now. Any later and the impact will be greater. I would appreciate someone coming to me in advance rather than hiding it until they crash. (I would have hoped to have picked up on it beforehand but it's not always possible unfortunately).

you went off for two months with stress 1.5 years ago? and sick time i. between?

it’s possible that this job simply isn’t for you

Yes I expect her reflecting will cover that

what does your partner (if you have one) thinks?

how part time?

I don't think yabu. I had an episode of anxiety, I was off work for nearly 3 months. When I look back now, I could see it building. I've learnt the triggers, I took a week off not long ago as I could see what was happening. Luckily, that week off calmed me down, and I was able to go back to work sooner.

Thanks for all the thoughts. @brocollilover no, no time off since my original 2 months, I just meant I haven't yet got a handle on the anxiety as it's still coming back often at high levels.

I work in the NHS, in a clinical role, 3 days a week. Work itself isn't really the problem, the management is excellent, the pressures of the role are well understood and supported. But it is emotional and requires clinical skills and judgement, attention to detail etc. Last time I went off, I had taken too much on, but was also due to things happening with the kids etc, and my physical health.

I've thought so much about the cause of it - the original cause, from childhood, things that trigger me day to day, what helps, what's makes to worse, what behaviours I might do that could be unhelpful. But sometimes it just arrives as if out of nowhere, and totally overwhelms me.

I've considered whether I should leave work, but I love my job and I'm good at it, and it should be manageable! I never had these problems until after I went back after my second child, but maybe I'm just not able to manage a normal life.

You can self certify for a week or go to GP with anxiety concerns

Or if you take the hit finance wise you can take unpaid parental leave for a weeks holiday e.g. during school hols and then use your AL as needed? I had 3 days of AL to take and took 8 weeks of Friday afternoons off (3hrs per week) depending on your situation you might be able to use that time to do some regular self care? Not much but might be good for a run, a decent bath and book etc

Thank you, @Birch101 , I hadn't thought about using parental leave for the school holidays. That's also a good way to think about using my AL to get regular breaks/time to look after myself.

I've just read through the replies again and really appreciate hearing how others have taken short periods of time off to get better and avoid a bigger "crash". @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees helpful to hear from the perspective of someone who (presumably) manages a team.

@tiredofthisshitt it's good to hear that your time off helped you. Do you feel like your break helped you get things started that you could then continue once back at work to keep yourself healthy?

Yes I do on the whole. The exercise and drinking has slipped a little, but I'm able to recognise when this happens and get back on it. Fortunately for me, my employers were incredibly supportive and just had my best interests at heart and that made a massive difference / allayed the guilt I felt.

I think you need to rethink your job. Part time and family life burning you out? It’s not you’re not handling life it’s that you need to rethink it all and what you are doing.

My lovely friend is covering another staff member who is burnt out. She’s completely done in but she refuses to take time off due to the nature of the job. If the other person moved on then someone else could step in. I’m all for putting yourself first but you also need to make choices where you’re not affecting others around you.

what do you do on your two days off?

Honestly I actually KNOW when I am likely/going to need a break so I book annual leave for those times so I don’t feel overwhelmed and end up sick.

It sounds to me in the here and now that it is too late at this point for you to do this and taking some time off sick/unpaid/leave whatever is necessary for your mental health.

take the time. Get back on track and then work on regular time off for YOU

and don’t be hard on yourself.

I have my toddler on my day off. I work 4 short days, drop kids off, work, then pick my kids up from school/nursery on my way home.

I know what people mean, I feel absolutely pathetic struggling to manage with my easy life. I have no idea why my anxiety is so high, when I have always manage before to work before, full time and long, unsociable hours before I had kids.

@Sometimeswinning the last thing I want is to make things harder for other people I work with, or compromise patient care. But I need my job, I worked hard for it, and I would be devastated of anxiety took it away. I don't want to be selfish and impact on others

Gently @Ihaveneedofwaternear and you don’t have to answer this but when you did you psychological therapy did you manage to explore the cause of your anxiety as well as coping mechanisms?

it may be helpful to get someone to sit down with you and work out a plan of what you do on work days, what you do on non work days and time for you. (I was taught this by someone who told me they needed to help me get back to being me and I needed to leave work at work and not shut down completely from everyone. He was wise)

Thank you @OurChristmasMiracle, I appreciate the point you make.

There is nothing wrong with my life and it's not too much. I love my job, it's a great balance of stimulation and gratifying, work are flexible, great coworkers. I love my kids, I love my husband, we don't have any real worries apart from the same general ones we all have.

I don't know why this anxiety is here. I feel like I've been trying for weeks now to get a grip on it, coz I feel it growing. But it's almost like I'm frozen and exhausted, and I find it so hard to have time/energy/brain power to find my way out of it all.

It's not my life that is the problem, it's the anxiety. I just don't know how to get rid of it.