To ask if anyone else who has a child that plays football experiences so much twattery?

[YaMuvva]

My 7yo DS plays football every week - training on Saturdays followed by a match at the arse crack of dawn every Sunday. 10yo DD used to do the same until last year when she decided to stop.

I’m absolutely supportive of my children’s hobbies but I’m totally fed up of turning up on cold, windy wet morning to have the experience ruined by other adults.

Regular problems I’ve seen for years include:

• Opposing team having much older children playing in matches. Three weekends on the bounce I’ve seen children who are aged 10-11 playing in DS’s Under 7 team. Our team works really above board and the coaches are sticklers for the rule so despite the progress they always move a child up to the correct group and never let them play down. Other coaches seem to want to just win no matter what - some of the kids practically have facial hair
• Screaming parents at the side of the pitch. Especially when they try to overrule the (volunteer) ref or just become overbearing and bossy towards kids. Im very much of the opinion that at this age it’s supposed to be fun and think it can’t be fun to watch your parent bellow instructions from the side of the pitch.
• when parents get overly involved in what the kids are doing. Every week someone marches over at half time to tell their kid what they should have been doing. If you want to do that volunteer to be a coach!
• Dogs being brought to games and being allowed to bark, shit and bother people. I’ve seen dogs piss up the bag of footballs, try and chase the ball and going to nip other dogs or children. What’s the point when you aren’t even walking them they’re just standing there?
• Younger children being allowed to roam free. On Sunday a toddler who can’t have been older than 2 was wandering on the pitch during warm ups and the mum got huffy when a ball hit him. It isn’t daycare!

DS’s coaches are amazing and they have the patience of Saints. They are volunteers who put huge amount of efforts into many teams and I feel angry for them that they have to tolerate this rubbish too.

Is it just me? Or is this just grassroots football? I’ve started to say things but I’m conscious that I don’t want to make enemies!

Not after U12 in my experience. It's got down right violent

No idea where you get this from. I've been involved in grassroots football for years. 95% of clubs and parents are fine. There are incidents but usually it's a minority of teams. Depends how well the league / club / team is run and how much parents are educated around appropriate behaviour. I've watched hundreds of boys & girls play many times a week for years and really bad behaviour is not the norm

Agree there are twattish parents but never seen children playing for teams younger than them. DD is in an under 10 team and at that age some girls look 7 and some look 13, but that's just because puberty is kicking in for some and not others.

Ah my DS does rugby and is in U7. It's absolutely nothing like this.
At matches we don't keep scores (yet) and we have about 3 mini matches happening at the same time before they all swap over. Mainly so all the kids there actually get to play as some teams are much bigger than others.

Parents are chilled. Dogs sat nicely by owners feet. Smaller kids often playing with a ball off to one side.

But DS is desperate to do football as well and all I remember from being a kid (and watching my brother go through it all) was how stressed everyone was!

@deeprealisation not where I am in Scotland. I'm talking specifically about pitchside behaviour of course. Marked difference from football. Are you seeing violence amongst spectators and parents at rugby?

What absolute snobby rubbish, maybe you are from an area full of people like this but it's definitely not true for either of my kids' teams.

True where I am unfortunately @deeprealisation and @RightOnTheEdge

I've been taking the DC's, DSC's and nephews to their matches for over 14 years and we've had fights between kids, fights between parents, fights between parents and ref/linesmen, lots of shouting and swearing, lots of over agitated kids being shouted at by (their own) shouty parents, rasicm, favouritism, bullying.
One team was disbanded due to it.
This is 6 teams, 4 leagues, over 2 counties. I'd say about 60% of parents I've seen are totally over precious about their kids football and make it a bit of a nightmare.

I'm all for the silent support to let kids get on and enjoy it.

@Meecrowavay yes over zealous dads & coaches now yelling at kids more (never mums) in league matches. Players literally fouling all the time & just playing like thugs. Not all teams but defo some. Often the ones that also play rugby league. We get at least one injury a match against these teams and squad has had 6 concussions this season that I can think of

@ticktickticktickBOOM I'm north west and have done 7 leagues and the theme is always just the odd club which all know about by reputation. Generally in the higher divisions

You've clearly got a better culture of respectable behaviour there.
It's seems to be the smaller clubs here that are difficult. The bigger clubs are getting bigger as many parents are avoiding the loud, pushy ones. Only trouble is, the bigger clubs have higher subs and less pitch time per player. So the pushy parents put their kids in the smaller, cliquey clubs so they can play whole matches every week and that when the culture gets a bid inbred and moronic.

Just what I see anyway - I'm sure everyone has a different tolerance level. I don't like the culture I see. It upsets a lot of the kids that just want a bit of fun and to play a match.

This.

Football is full of toxic masculinity. I don't know why there's so much push to get women into football.

This. But being in a team can bring great camaraderie ( sometimes in uniting to take the piss out of the types of coaches that are mentioned) a social.skills and a will to improve and win.

You wait until your child becomes a referee. The abuse my 14 year old got from adults was appalling.

"Football is a gentleman's game played by hooligans, and Rugby is a hooligans' game played by gentlemen" - Winston Churchill

Also-my dh was a coach for years. He held a very firm line on conduct, sportsmanship and inclusivity. He was routinely shouted at and abused and actually thumped one night in the pub!

DH is a coach. He must have the patience of a saint because the parents are total pricks sometimes. Even the kids seem embarrassed.

I promise you it gets worse op.

My DS plays U10s and is so disillusioned with it all, he’s saying he’s quitting at the end of the season so he can concentrate on another sport.

My Son has been sworn at by players on other teams, deliberately hurt. The nastiness is just ridiculous.

Competitive parents screaming at the sides, parents complaining to the coach because he’s not doing enough to turn their untalented child into the next Ronaldo. Parents swearing at their kids when they make a mistake or miss a goal.

Other teams not playing by the rules set out by the FAW.

I really hope DS does give it up like he says he’s going to. Football just brings out the worst in people.

This sort of behaviour is why we moved to rugby. Fewer feigned injuries, no arguing with the ref and better behaved parents.

Honestly your club sounds horrific, badly run and dangerous.

DS’s coaches are amazing

I wouldn't say they were "amazing" if they are allowing your dc to play against kids 3-4 years older than them. That is a significant safety issue that should be sorted out or refuse to play/report the other team. If I could not trust coaches with the basics like my child's safety I would be withdrawing them from the club. It is really unacceptable. Have you raised this risk with the coaches?

"Amazing" coaches should also be setting the tone for the parents and asking them to leave if they are not behaving appropriately or putting children at risk.

Unfortunately there are too many volunteer coaches that get the label "amazing" for just turning up when they have no clue of their responsibilities when coaching children.

I think there are bad apples in any sport, be that players, parents, coaches or officials. It may just be that as football is the most popular sport there are more such people and they are more noticeable. I coach another sport at a big Sports Centre that has a range of facilities including football pitches and I have to admit that I have seen and heard far worse behaviour on and around the football pitches than anywhere else in the centre. But then there are more footballers than the rest of us put together so maybe it is not completely surprising.
There must be lots of perfectly nice people involved in football though and if it's anything like the sports my DC have been involved in over the years, clubs can vary a lot in their ethos. One of my DC's plays hockey and the vast majority of teams they play are very friendly and inclusive with good behaviour on and off the pitch, but there are a couple that have reputations for being "dirty". I think a lot of it depends on the coaching team and the attitudes they engender so it's worth shopping around.
Unfortunately though, any competitive activity can bring out the worst in some people - I've even seen parents yelling at each other/their kids at classical music competitions on occasion so I don't think any activity is totally immune from push parents and crazy coaches!

Perhaps to dilute the toxic masculinity? Women aren’t fragile flowers, we can handle it - and judging by the many professional women football players I’ve seen they handle everything FAR better than men - I LOVE watching football but now find the men’s game unbearable to watch because they’re either shit, melodramatic or behave like bratty toddlers. Women’s football is far more entertaining

Awful!!

Yes the coaches are aware of the age issue.

Thing is these people are not paid. And challenging Scally parents effing and blinding at the side of a pitch is probably not worth their time or the thump they’ll probably get. Look at what @CurlewKate husband endured - I don’t think it’s fair to say coaches are shit if they don’t double as bouncers/police officers

I did this over 30 years ago with my son. Cold, wet mornings.😳

The kids were fine, some of the parents were awful.🙄