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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to the team day?

39 replies

AppleMango25 · 02/04/2024 11:59

I work remotely for a large company and travel once a month to various sites across the UK. Sometimes we have to travel more as we also have team days and events. I live in the north and most of my colleagues live in the south. A lot of our sites are based there too so I normally travel to them when we meet up.

I enjoy my job but we have just merged with another company and there will be redundancies in the coming months so generally feeling pretty deflated at the minute.

Anyway, one of my colleagues is pregnant and due to finish at the end of April and my manager has asked if everyone can attend a team day next Monday which is 4.5-5 hours away from where I live. They've picked this location as my colleague (understandably) can't travel far as she's heavily pregnant. She’s chosen Monday as it's the best day for her due to child care.

It’s not so much the location that’s the issue but more the day they’ve chosen to meet up as it means I will have to leave very early on Monday morning (think 5am) to be there for 9-10am. My other option is to travel halfway down on Sunday which is my day off and then the rest of the way on Monday morning. I will then have to stay over and travel back on Tuesday before work and I’ll probably be spending around 8 hours of my own time travelling which I won’t be paid for (I earn 26k if that’s important).

I have a good relationship with my manager and he always encourages us to take any time back that’s owed to us for travelling etc but it’s incredibly difficult as our workloads are so busy and we end up falling behind on tasks if we take time off unless it’s annual leave.

WIBU to say that I can’t attend due to the day it’s on but happy to contribute to a gift etc?

OP posts:
JudgeJudging · 02/04/2024 12:01

Not in the least unreasonable.

MrsO3 · 02/04/2024 12:03

No, it wouldn’t be unreasonable of you at all

pootlin · 02/04/2024 12:04

Will the team day involve work and team building or just activities as a send off for maternity leave? Seems OTT to expect people to travel for the latter so YANBU if it’s the latter.

But if it’s a day of meetings and team building activities then I would make the effort to travel and show my face, as redundancies are on the horizon.

You don’t want to give them the excuse that you’re not a team player or aren’t ‘visible’.

ilovesooty · 02/04/2024 12:11

I wouldn't want to go either but I think I would if redundancies are on the horizon.

Original poster
AppleMango25 · 02/04/2024 12:16

@pootlin as far as I'm aware it's just a send off before she goes on maternity leave that's why they've arranged it on a day that works for her. I think everyone wants to meet up one last time in case some of us are made redundant as-well so I will be sad to miss it, but they've arranged it on the hardest day of the week without a thought for anyone else really. It's only our team meeting (not the other company). Last month I spent around 7-8 hours of my own time just travelling and it's been the same for the last 2 years so after a while it does start to grate on you if I'm honest. I probably sound horrible.

OP posts:
Bramshott · 02/04/2024 12:21

YANBU to not want to go. Like PP though I'd probably show willing if redundancies are in the offing (unless you'd actually be delighted to be offered redundancy).

Jovacknockowitch · 02/04/2024 13:14

YANBU and I wouldn’t go imagining it would have any bearing on redundancy either - those will be determined either simply on costs or by arbitrary factors outside your control such as who they like.

BIWI · 02/04/2024 13:17

I'm not really sure why Monday is harder than any other day! Or why you seem to think you'd have to stay over. Are you driving or getting the train?

I think - especially with redundancies in the offing - that YABU. It's not like you have to do this every week.

CaterhamReconstituted · 02/04/2024 13:21

It’s not unreasonable for an employer to require you to occasionally travel to another location for work purposes. Of course they should meet any expenses.

Original poster
AppleMango25 · 02/04/2024 13:33

@BIWI I've listed the reasons why Monday is harder. If it was Tuesday for example, I'd be able to work Monday morning, travel in the afternoon and stay the night ready for the meeting on Tuesday.

I will have to stay over on Monday night due to the distance. It's 4.5-5 hours by car (depending on traffic) and 6-7 hours by train with around 3 changes. If I was driving I'd have to set off by 5am, meet the team/work from 9-10am- 5pm and then travel home. I won't get home until 9-10pm (again depending on traffic). Surely you don't think that's reasonable or safe given I'd be up at 5am? I'd be exhausted.

OP posts:
Original poster
AppleMango25 · 02/04/2024 13:35

@CaterhamReconstituted I'm not sure what you consider to be occasionally but it's normally once or twice a month in my case and over time the unpaid hours for travelling do stack up.

OP posts:
Original poster
AppleMango25 · 02/04/2024 13:39

@Jovacknockowitch I agree I don't think it will make any difference with redundancies and I only say that because they've treated us quite poorly throughout this entire process.

OP posts:
BIWI · 02/04/2024 17:47

AppleMango25 · 02/04/2024 13:33

@BIWI I've listed the reasons why Monday is harder. If it was Tuesday for example, I'd be able to work Monday morning, travel in the afternoon and stay the night ready for the meeting on Tuesday.

I will have to stay over on Monday night due to the distance. It's 4.5-5 hours by car (depending on traffic) and 6-7 hours by train with around 3 changes. If I was driving I'd have to set off by 5am, meet the team/work from 9-10am- 5pm and then travel home. I won't get home until 9-10pm (again depending on traffic). Surely you don't think that's reasonable or safe given I'd be up at 5am? I'd be exhausted.

Sorry, but those hours were ones I used to work reasonably regularly when I was going to certain clients' offices. So I do think you're unreasonable, given that they're only asking you to do it this once.

Where are you having to travel from/to that takes that long on a train/involves so many changes?!

HaPPy8 · 02/04/2024 17:54

I think if you are in a job paying 26k that amount of travel in your own time is unreasonable so I’m on your side. If it were a very highly paid job I would think differently.

ellenpartridge · 02/04/2024 17:57

Yanbu, along with the other 1-2 x a month travels that's a ridiculous amount of travel on your own time to be expecting for a 26k job and I wouldn't be feeling particularly accommodating in the circumstances you have described

Farahfawsett · 02/04/2024 17:58

Your salary doesn't warrant the travel cost or time, send your apologies and contribute to the leaving gift and you're good.

If work really want you to attend they can pay for your travel, hotel and extra hours on the road.

VestPantsandSocks · 02/04/2024 17:58

Take the Friday before off as sick with D&V.
Then no one will question you when you say that on Monday that you cant come as you dont want to pass it on.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/04/2024 18:00

Completely reasonable, especially at such short notice.

Yuop · 02/04/2024 18:02

Yanbu, I’ve turned down events like that for similar reasons.

Birch101 · 02/04/2024 18:03

Yeah I wouldn't do that for a job worth 26k.

What are your company policies about driving hrs as I would not want to drive for c10hrs in one day and I wouldn't spend my Sunday driving for work either so would be there for a few hours in the afternoon and then expect company paid for dinner and hotel followed by travel back within work time

Feigning that I would book a days AL to just moot the whole scenario

Concannon88 · 02/04/2024 18:43

I dont see see her childcare or her pregnancy being anyone else's problem. It needs to be fair on everyone. Also can't believe you aren't paid for certain parts.

Jovacknockowitch · 02/04/2024 18:45

BIWI · 02/04/2024 17:47

Sorry, but those hours were ones I used to work reasonably regularly when I was going to certain clients' offices. So I do think you're unreasonable, given that they're only asking you to do it this once.

Where are you having to travel from/to that takes that long on a train/involves so many changes?!

Show quote history

You did a lot of unpaid work so everyone should? No thanks, although I accept your apology.

BIWI · 02/04/2024 19:37

Why would I apologise?

toweldrama · 02/04/2024 19:46

You said your employer gives you time back for travel, so I don't see what difference it would make to travel down on the Sunday and get the time back, or travel on the Monday afternoon (if the event was on Tuesday). Either way, you'll have 5ish hours taken from your working week in which you will be paid, but will be travelling rather than working. You said your work piles up if you take time back, but it would do the same if you travelled during work time surely? Also I'm sure if the company gave everyone a free day of annual leave you wouldn't decline to take it based on workload. It sounds annoying but unless you had a reason such as disability, health, lack of childcare, caring responsibilities it would likely be frowned upon not to go. It sounds like it's just not something that interests you. (Maybe that's acceptable in your workplace, or maybe it doesn't matter anyway if your employment will end soon).

Bearbookagainandagain · 02/04/2024 19:48

I don't think it's unreasonable for your employer to organise the team day as long as they give you time in lieu to cover the travel time. The workload etc isn't your problem, the day was organised by your manager, so you should always take it.

That said, if you don't want to go then now is the time to remember that very important dentist appointment or family commitment you cannot miss on Monday 5pm.