Am I being selfish or stupid?

[reynold]

Am I being pathetic? So I am 31 weeks pregnant ( very high risk pregnancy) currently being in and out of hospital and soon to be getting a c-section date in place , my partners friend has asked if he's still going to his wedding which is day before my daughter birthday April 20th. I told my partner I feel very uncomfortable with him going as for 1 I struggle to walk from having SPD and Sciatica. My dog to put me in bed rest due to my breathlessness and dizziness, this meaning while he's at the wedding and after do I'll be left to sort all my daughters bday presents and decorations etc most likely taking her out the next day as he will be probably hung over due to him not being a drinker at all. I asked why he can't just go to the wedding and come home as if anything was to happen he won't know or would be drunk if needed to come to the hospital etc. he said I'm being weird about it and it just seems like I don't want him to go? I'm just petrified this is my third baby and I've had nothing but problems the whole time, am I being pathetic or unreasonable? I don't want him to know say he's not going because of me or make it into a controlling way which I'm not trying to come across as?

Tell him he can go but he’ll have to take the kids with him as you can’t manage them by yourself.

I actually think now, that like so many who claim that their DH/partner is 'really lovely', that he's actually no such thing, and as often the case in this type of relationship, you are actually scared of talking to him for fear of him kicking off. If that's NOT the case, then I think you're being a bit pathetic, in not speaking up and telling him what you NEED!!

As for him getting a lift to the wedding with your neighbours, how on earth do you think he'll get home even if he stay's sober, as obviously the neighbours will be drinking, hence he would need to have a completely reliable, alternative way of getting back to you should he be needed.

I think the whole situation is ridiculous, and as parents of two children already, I would have expected a far more mature resolution to what in reality, is a very simple situation.

Here's what I suggest -

You TALK to your DH - tell him you want him to stay with you as you are feeling anxious about the pregnancy with everything that's going on at present, and really feel you need him with you. If he argues with this, then tell him you might think I'm being irrational, but it's the way I feel, and THAT IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT!

He then acts as a husband, and says 'OK sweetheart, no problem, it's only a neighbours wedding, and not even someone I talk to that often, I won't go.

THE END!

@KidsandKindness , I don't know how to feel about this as I didn't expect to be reading something a little rude. I wouldn't be putting on here if he was abusive or "not lovely" the reason I posted this is because he is very supportive and helps me more than anything hence why I didn't want to feel like I'm being unreasonable as he does everything and nothing for himself which makes me feel a little selfish having a say at him enjoying himself for once. I just wanted a in-site on how to approach this without looking controlling as our relationship is good I wouldn't want him to think that there's them kind of probelms surfacing

In that case I apologise OP. Unfortunately we read so many times about women on here who tell us how they're being kept short of money, have to do EVERYTHING around the house, a full time job, and are still expected to look after the kids, while the 'oh so lovey', DH sits on his arse doing nothing.

But it does make me cross, that if he's as lovely as you say he is, you don't feel you can tell him what you need, at such an important time. My DH is actually my carer, so does literally everything for me, but in your situation I wouldn't think twice about telling him how I felt and that I needed him to step up, and he wouldn't think twice about doing it. It's all very well for you to be magnanimous, when you've had your baby, and things are back to normal, even encourage him to go out with his mates, but for now, you need him, so please, just tell him.

OP would you feel better about talking to him if you phrased it as being worried about what will happen if you go into labour/your spd has worsened by 35 weeks/he can't get a lift back at a reasonable time to be back for DD's birthday prep? So you're not saying 'you can't go', more asking for help to allay your concerns? I would be really honest with my DH, 'I really don't want to be the reason you can't go but I'm worried about a, b and c' type conversation.

It's so frustrating to be put in this situation though, tbh your DH should be able to see it's not a good idea and it puts you in a shitty position when you have to be the one to point that out. But you should still point it out, it sounds like you're already pushing yourself too hard if you should be on bed rest and he obviously needs his eyes opening about where his priorities should be.

I don’t think he should be drinking when you’re so far along. Hope you got this sorted x

@KidsandKindness , spoken to him he asked me why I haven't spoken about how I feel as he's just going to go for the wedding and come straight home, I explained I didn't want him to think I was controlling as his last relationship was very toxic and I didn't want to come across as like her, he assured me he didn't feel like that and said he was sorry for not thinking into it as much as I did , so yeah I was being silly!

I think yab a bit u. Because it sounds like you are not really talking to him.

I think you should be ok with him being at a wedding 2h away when you are 35w, even high risk. But a compromise sounds like he should have the car and not drink so that if he's needed to come home he can. (I'm assuming here you have a car?) It will also mean he would be fine for your daughter's birthday the next day. No hangover.

I don't think it needs to be as black and white as go/don't go.

Spd is miserable. Sorry you're suffering.

Lovely update. I hope you're feeling less stressed now.

Glad you finally talked to him and resolved things OP. Take care of yourself and I hope the baby arrives safely.