To wonder how you stop worrying and manage to live your own life if you have mentally unwell children

[Victor1aPlum]

Or are you doomed to a life of constant unsettled worry, sadness and anxiety in the back of your mind?

This is me right now and I think unless something changes drastically then this will be the case unfortunately. Was thinking along these same lines earlier today

I’m determined to not let it be me but not sure how. I wonder if anybody has managed it.

I learnt to be the supportive mother, do what I need to do, but at the same time distance myself from it enough to not be a miserable wreck all the time.

Sometimes it works!

I think living life definitely still possible but the anxiety and worry always being there I know exactly what you mean

Make sure you have time to do things you enjoy, that make you feel happy.
Do these things as often as you can.

Boundaries help. You are not responsible for their emotions or indeed their well-being. You can only help so much etc. But I also think it would be impossible to be truly completely happy or content with life when your child was unwell. And that’s not unreasonable or wrong.

I have no idea. I'm constantly carrying the burden for DD.

Make sure you have things in your life that bring you joy and happiness.
Be supportive but take a step back at times for your own well being and mental health.

I find compartmentalizing helps. Of course you worry about your DC when they have a hard time, but you put that to one side to focus on when you think about it and look at the rest of your life without that bit hanging over it all the time.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-compartmentalize-to-reduce-stress-7373131#:~:text=Compartmentalizing%20is%20a%20valuable%20technique,emotional%20processing%20and%20self%2Dreflection.

God knows, OP. Your opening sentence really struck a chord with me because this is how I feel. Constantly. I don't know what the answer is though, other than to try and find joy in some things, as @OfMiceandWomen says.

But I want to be truly happy and don’t think I should not be because of my child but not sure how to facilitate that. 😫

Will look at that compartmentalising link.

I’m starting to feel resentful.

I really don't know. Currently sitting beside Dd in A&E having been here since last night.

Mental health services on the NHS are in a terrible state and I don't think that helps.

If I knew Dd was getting professional help and support it would be easier to let some of it go.

My pawprints here 🐾

You have to chunk it down and do whatever small things you can to keep yourself anywhere close to sane. And do what you can for the sibs, if there are any. Hard road.

So sorry. I hear you!!!!!

Lost count of how many times I’ve been in your shoes and yes you’re totally right re the state of the NHS not helping.

Mother of a DD with an eating disorder. It’s a very interesting question. In my case, learning that I wasn’t responsible and I couldn’t change things was key but it look a long time and many experiences to get there. In retrospect I could have got there sooner but only if I hadn’t learnt some relevant things along the way, so would I have got there sooner? Not sure if that makes sense?

In my case, I had therapy to understand it wasn’t my fault and boundaries were ok. And to learn that living my own life was not the same as throwing my child to the wolves (which is how it felt at the time)

Good luck. It’s a hard road but people do come out at the other end of the tunnel, hold on to that!

Absolutely this. And I have family who work in mental health services and I know how bad you have to get before you get meaningful help. Mental health provision is woeful resource wise. So the feeling of it all being on your shoulders is overwhelming. If my DS had a liver condition, or a skin disease, we wouldn’t have to wait 2 years for him to get worse.

I wonder be very careful not to make yourself unwell. I could feel I was making myself ill and would say to people I'm sacrificing my health. I now have cancer. Look after yourself too.

This is also me. The worry and anxiety about what the future holds is immense.

Yes that does make sense. How do you learn that you’re not responsible and can’t change things? I really get the need for that but it’s so hard.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you’re being looked after well.

Yeah. that's me too. In the middle of the night. If (and when) I die, I can see he'll be homeless on the streets. It kills me.

A mother is only as happy as her saddest child. I read this recently and can't get it out of my head. Does that mean that I will.never be truly happy? I find it's like something is just constantly in the back of my head. Like an itch that I can try and ignore but I know it's there. I think the posters above are right, having to try and compartmentalise. I actually feel better reading everyone's posts on this. Sometimes you think your the only one. Hope you find the answer OP.

I would love to understand this as well, I am able to go out for events out etc but I never stop worrying, I receive maybe 150 texts a day at work. I can’t ever relax. I am lucky because my work is reasonably flexible but I’m now stuck here because I don’t think I will ever get an understanding employer like it.