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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really at the end of my teather!

38 replies

Bewilderedallthetine · 01/04/2024 15:43

I have lived here a good few months now ( left partner and moved with my young son due to DV..no relatives/friends to help me). I have a lovely house in a lovely village . But the elderly next door neighbours are a nightmare!.
The complaints are ...rain water running into their garden....

I am taking my bins out to early/ bringing them in too late on bin day ( I take them out at 8.00 am before work and fetch them in at 5.30 when I get back home)

a 'squeaky front gate' gets them complaining!

..young son playing quietly in back garden with his dinosaur models as they say he sets their dog off barking 😀

Me putting washing out as it blocks their veiw and sets their dog off barking.

Me and my son sitting talking in our garden whilst we eat a packed lunch ,as it also sets their dog off barking!

It was lovely sunny day on Easter Sunday and my young son took one of his Easter Eggs outside in our back garden to sit on a patio chair and eat a bit, whilst I was inside making our dinner for later that night.
The neighbour (Woman) called him over and really quizzed him on:
1/ where was his dad?
2/ why did we not live with him?
3/ where did I work?
4/ both our full names.
5/ where were we from originally?
6/ Why is he setting her dog off barking?

And goodness knows what else she quizzed him on!

Honestly..would any of you ask a young boy so many questions?

I have a ring doorbell on the front of house as she kept knocking complaining about the about things. I also have a camera covering my back garden only. (As dog poo was thrown over into my garden)..

I have smiled/said good morning etc and they just ignore!

I really am struggling with this..we are a quiet household..no loud music etc..my son is in bed for 8.00pm. No pets etc. Nothing from our side!..our house is very quiet.
Any advice would be most welcome 🙏

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 01/04/2024 15:48

They are nutters, pure and simple. They should NOT be interrogating your son like that. Sorry you're having to put up with this.

murasaki · 01/04/2024 15:53

Yes, total arsehats im afriad
They won't change, but I'd get your son to nip inside for a few minutes if she questions him, he doesn't have to talk to her, she's very rude. You should be able to enjoy your garden if you're not being too loud, which it doesn't sound as if you are.

Ignore her.

toomuchfaff · 01/04/2024 16:01

The complaints are ...rain water running into their garden.... not my problem

I am taking my bins out to early/ bringing them in too late on bin day not your business

a 'squeaky front gate' gets them complaining! wd40 will fix

young son playing quietly in back garden with his dinosaur models as they say he sets their dog off barking 😀
not your business, not my problem
Me putting washing out as it blocks their veiw and sets their dog off barking.
not my problem
Me and my son sitting talking in our garden whilst we eat a packed lunch ,as it also sets their dog off barking!
not my problem

and this... not your business
The neighbour (Woman) called him over and really quizzed him on:
1/ where was his dad?
2/ why did we not live with him?
3/ where did I work?
4/ both our full names.
5/ where were we from originally?
6/ Why is he setting her dog off barking?

I'm afraid I'd be knocking on and telling them what I do in my property bounds is none of their business, their dog barking is their problem - not mine. However them approaching my son and asking intimate details about our life is a very big problem, they do not do that again.

Don't leave this chat too long, set the boundary early, very early.

ABirdsEyeView · 01/04/2024 17:15

They will be like sharks smelling blood if you give them too much leeway and act too nice.
Now is the time to set boundaries. If someone was interrogating my child in his own garden, I'd be over there like a shot and they would feel the sharp edge of my tongue!
Seriously, you need to shut down petty complaints / they'll never be happy. As soon as you solve one problem, they'll find something else to carp about.
Stop being so friendly and start pleasing yourself and ignoring their moans - literally nothing you are doing is unreasonable.

EatCrow · 01/04/2024 17:17

Have you got a fence OP?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/04/2024 17:19

Tell them to never knock at your door again, and to never, EVER, interrogate your son about anything, ever. I would be raging about that if I were you. Tell them to leave you the hell alone.

Ladyprehensile · 01/04/2024 17:24

Ignore, ignore, ignore!
Guide your son not to interact with them. He simply needs to turn & walk indoors.

Do not do anything to inflame the situation and keep a diary of any interference.

You sound like an ideal neighbour.
What you’re going regarding bins etc is nothing to do with those nutters. You could report them for harassment.
Sending a supportive hug.

Angelsrose · 01/04/2024 17:47

YANBU, sorry I accidentally clicked YABU. They sound like utterly awful neighbours. Distance yourself from them.

Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 25/04/2024 16:54

Back on here again 😥I left friends and the few family members I did have to move here to the other end of the country due to DV (really really worried about my safety and being threatened to kidnap my son etc..you get next to no help with this from ss/police etc) I have literally no one apart for my son. No one in my past life have our address or phone number etc. It was my sons birthday last weekend and I had a (very) small party for him . How normal is it that on a (nice weather) party for a handful of little kids to go in the back garden and play?..the next door elderly couple begins shouting over the fence as the kids playing in my garden are making there dogs bark! I went to the fence to explain it was my sons birthday party and got told to FO! (I was even going to give them a piece of birthday cake). For the couple of hours the children were outside (I was playing musical chairs/pass the parcel etc with them) the couple next door were constantly swearing and telling the kids over the fence to shut up!..I have just read all this back and cant believe we are living like this! I have reported the dog barking constantly but to no avail! I am at my wits end! The council makes me feel as though I am a drama queen! I just want to live quietly and have piece of mind. Son and I am out of the house between 8.00 till 5.30 weekdays. Both my son and I are in bed by 9.00pm No loud music or noise from our end. Just a my wits end.. how do I switch off and not care?😪I have never ever had any problems with neighbours at the houses I have lived in over the years.

OP posts:
Monstersunderthesea · 25/04/2024 16:58

You poor thing. I’ve had this and it was horrible. So oppressive. So hard for you to relax in your own home. We moved, which I know might not be an option for you. I really appreciate the difference it has made though.

CherryBlossom321 · 25/04/2024 17:04

As suggested, keep a diary of every event. Record any aggression as evidence. Ignore them shouting, and if you’re having kids over to play, turn up your music to drown them out. Instruct your son not to speak to them. If they shout shut up or FO, smile and say “No”. Have the council given you any instructions on how to move forward with a complaint? What they’re doing also constitutes harassment, which the police can deal with. Consider contacting them for support also.

CherryBlossom321 · 25/04/2024 17:06

They should be training, and taking responsibility for their dogs.

Churchview · 25/04/2024 17:20

That sounds horrible for you OP. They sound totally dreadful and I'm so sorry they are putting such a miserable cloud over what should be a happy new start for you and your young son.

It sounds as though your son and you are making new friends there enough to have a party. Could you speak to the people whose children came to the party and your other neighbours to see if other people have problems with these foul neighbours? If you know it's not just you then it won't feel so personal and perhaps other people might have ideas of how you can deal with them? Maybe they all have trouble with them and you can stand together against them.

I've found that there are always gits like this in villages, people who try to ruin it for other people and who are against 'new people' coming in. I know it's hard, but don't let them spoil your new start.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/04/2024 19:47

I would write to them firmly asking that they stop.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/04/2024 19:49

Ps well done for creating a safe life for you and your boy you're very brave xx

Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 06/05/2024 16:35

Hello all..just a little moan! I left and moved away with my young son due to DV. My ex doesn't know where we live. The past few months he (the ex) has been to court for visitation with his son at a contract center. The first visitation was on Saturday, I took my son (who was looking forward to seeing his dad and had him some photos and drawings) and the B@stard didn't turn up!. Why do men do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 18/05/2024 18:16

Just popped on here to tell you my bit of good news 😀I have been promoted at work..a significant payrise! And the same hours..plus 2 days working from home 😊..I cant believe how much this is going to help my son and I. We left a DV situation with more or less the clothes on our backs and no one to help us. We had to move away for our safety. We have lived payday to payday. I will be able to save each month (and have a nice takeaway each month for my son and I) I have no one to tell this to apart for my son ( he says he is so proud of me 😭) I am buzzing at the moment because this will make our lives so much better. Every thing is falling into place and anyone in a bad relationship can do this..its hard and I have cried an ocean of tears but there is light at the end of the tunnel xxxxxxxxx
(Ps I hope this doesn't sound like a bragging post but we have had little luck until recently )

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/05/2024 18:23

Congratulations, OP! It sounds as though life is looking up for you, well done. I hope the neighbours are dialling it down a bit. Sadly, there's not a lot you can do about no-show fathers, but I hope you are living your best life.

Bahamapyjama · 18/05/2024 18:25

Hi OP. Your last post was so lovely to read. You've had such a hard time, I'm so pleased things are looking up. You and your son sound like perfect neighbours, I hope the horrors next door have calmed down.

Congratulations on your success at work, your son is right to be so proud of you. Enjoy your celebratory takeaway!

Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 18/05/2024 18:34

Thank you so much for the congratulations as it means the world to me that some stranger on the net cares enough to reply to me (thank you so much) xx the neighbours have sort of calmed down a bit. So sad for my son about seeing his dad but my son doesn't mention it so I think he is as ok as he can be. He knows he can talk to me about anything, but the situation is so sad.
I have booked a cheap weekend break in a pod for us both in a few weeks time that I haven't told him about..he will be so excited 😆. It is near a forest and I have also booked bikes for the weekend so we can explore 😀

OP posts:
Wiglio · 18/05/2024 18:41

Congrats OP
I’m so pleased for you about your promotion, hope you and your son enjoy your weekend away, sounds lovely

Original poster
Bewilderedallthetine · 18/05/2024 18:47

Bewilderedallthetine · 18/05/2024 18:34

Thank you so much for the congratulations as it means the world to me that some stranger on the net cares enough to reply to me (thank you so much) xx the neighbours have sort of calmed down a bit. So sad for my son about seeing his dad but my son doesn't mention it so I think he is as ok as he can be. He knows he can talk to me about anything, but the situation is so sad.
I have booked a cheap weekend break in a pod for us both in a few weeks time that I haven't told him about..he will be so excited 😆. It is near a forest and I have also booked bikes for the weekend so we can explore 😀

All he wants for his birthday is some binoculars 😂so I have gotten him a pocket sized really good pair in a sale, I have also got him a compass and a map of the area we are going to on holiday too.. he is a little explorer 😂I know we will end up lost in the forest . But he will love it x

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 18/05/2024 18:48

Oh what a lovely update, congratulations! Wishing you and your son a bright, happy and peaceful future! Flowers

Ilikewinter · 18/05/2024 18:49

So glad everything is slotting into place, have a fantastic well deserved break away !

RaraRachael · 18/05/2024 18:50

I had neighbours like these. We did nothing wrong, just normal family comings and goings but they complained about everything. We eventually had to ask the community warden to tell them to leave us alone and not interact with us in any way.
They would still make passive aggressive comments about us when ws went past which we ignored.

Thankfully they moved away a year ago claiming that all the neighbours were being horrible to them!

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