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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maternity pay finances

59 replies

ZebraLimited · 01/04/2024 00:57

So please hear me out :) We have an 8 month old and have been having issues trying to work out how much to put into our joint account since I have been on maternity leave.
I have taken 10 months mat leave, received 3 months full pay, 1 month half pay, and the rest is statutory maternity pay. In the past as we got paid (we earned very similar amounts) we would each put £1,100 into the joint account. This has never been an issue until now! When I was pregnant we discussed how we were going to cover our bills this year as I would be losing our on a lot of money - we decided whatever we get paid we each 'save' the same amount and put the rest into the joint account. This was my idea and my husband only grudgingly accepted! So for example last month I received £840 and he received £1,900. Total: £2,740. We needed to collectively pay out £2,200 which leaves £540, meaning we each keep £270. So I did 840-270 and paid out 570 whereas my husband did 1900-270 and paid out 1630. The problem is every month he complains about this being unfair. He has suggested we pay a percentage. (If we each paid about 80% which is what's needed to make 2200, it would leave me with £160 and him with £380. Bearing in mind my husband has no personal outgoings so saves it all whereas I have car payments tax and insurance which adds up to roughly £230 a month as well as taking the baby places everyday!! This would leave me in deficit! He has made comments about how I have some (not much!!) savings so that will cover it. He complains about having to pay so much more. Today we had a disagreement about something unrelated and he told me he is only going to match what I pay in, and if we can't cover the bills it will be my fault so I should just pay 1,100 and he will match it. He has flat out refused to pay more than me anymore. I've said it's not my choice to be paid so little and it's really just because I am the woman that I have the mat leave and I have the pay docked And how is that fair? But he turns it back on me and says we'll how is it fair that he has to pay more? Today I'm starting to doubt the decision on saving equal amounts and wondering if he is right? AIBU?

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 01/04/2024 11:20

Yep go back to work. Childcare is 50/50. If he tries to argue anything other than that ask him is the child not his? Why on earth would that cost fall solely to you?

RiderofRohan · 01/04/2024 11:23

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/04/2024 11:01

Nobody is trying to give you advice on the internet 😂. The tax position is not really relevant so I’m not sure why you’re getting so hung up on it?

Your DH evidently has more money than you do on maternity leave as he’s paying all the rent and bills and I’m just of the opinion that women on maternity leave should have full and equal access to funds, not have to “just ask” if they need more money, I would find that controlling from a man.

Apologies if this comes across as having a dig, it’s not meant to and your clearly happy with your situation, but I just want women to be aware that it’s healthy and normal for a man to fully share his money with his wife and that women shouldn’t be scrimping and saving or having to request access to money whilst their husband holds onto it all.

Show quote history

Yes, he has more money than me even when not on mat leave and has always paid more into the household than me. We're transparent with all our financial accounts and I do the budgeting. Weird you'd assume he's the one controlling things.

Don't worry about me, I'm not being short changed. In fact I'd have paid more over the years towards the household if we'd been splitting by percentage according to our income.

I don't expect you to understand taxes and pensions, especially pertaining to my personal circumstances. Saving isn't scrimping (common misconception), quite the opposite. I have no intention of working in my 60s and saving is paying myself tomorrow.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/04/2024 11:37

RiderofRohan · 01/04/2024 11:23

Yes, he has more money than me even when not on mat leave and has always paid more into the household than me. We're transparent with all our financial accounts and I do the budgeting. Weird you'd assume he's the one controlling things.

Don't worry about me, I'm not being short changed. In fact I'd have paid more over the years towards the household if we'd been splitting by percentage according to our income.

I don't expect you to understand taxes and pensions, especially pertaining to my personal circumstances. Saving isn't scrimping (common misconception), quite the opposite. I have no intention of working in my 60s and saving is paying myself tomorrow.

Show quote history

Honestly I don’t know why you’re getting so chippy, tax and pensions is an area of my expertise 😂. It’s a bit silly you’re trying to patronise me, I’ve already said I’m not trying to have a dig, if it works for you than great, but many women end up sleepwalking into unfair financial situations and I’m trying to help.

Also, something isn’t adding up there, he usually has more money than you, but you get CB on mat leave but not when you go back to work? As I said you don’t have to justify yourself, if you’re confident it works for you then great, I just personally wouldn’t find that acceptable in my marriage to have to ask for money on mat leave.

RiderofRohan · 01/04/2024 11:46

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/04/2024 11:37

Honestly I don’t know why you’re getting so chippy, tax and pensions is an area of my expertise 😂. It’s a bit silly you’re trying to patronise me, I’ve already said I’m not trying to have a dig, if it works for you than great, but many women end up sleepwalking into unfair financial situations and I’m trying to help.

Also, something isn’t adding up there, he usually has more money than you, but you get CB on mat leave but not when you go back to work? As I said you don’t have to justify yourself, if you’re confident it works for you then great, I just personally wouldn’t find that acceptable in my marriage to have to ask for money on mat leave.

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Your area of expertise? Quite frankly you seem to be clueless if you're suggesting a one-size-fits-all family money pot. Hopefully your not giving people financial advice based on this.

I didn't once say that I had to ask for money. You made that up. Go back and have a read if in doubt. Given we budgeted properly for my mat leave, I have a good surplus each month that I choose to put into savings.

Your offering lots of bad advice based on lots of silly assumptions.

RiderofRohan · 01/04/2024 12:15

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/04/2024 11:37

Honestly I don’t know why you’re getting so chippy, tax and pensions is an area of my expertise 😂. It’s a bit silly you’re trying to patronise me, I’ve already said I’m not trying to have a dig, if it works for you than great, but many women end up sleepwalking into unfair financial situations and I’m trying to help.

Also, something isn’t adding up there, he usually has more money than you, but you get CB on mat leave but not when you go back to work? As I said you don’t have to justify yourself, if you’re confident it works for you then great, I just personally wouldn’t find that acceptable in my marriage to have to ask for money on mat leave.

Show quote history

Regarding CB, you don't seem to understand tax and working self employed through a limited company in general. Odd for someone who claims to be a financial expert.

PoshHorseyBird · 01/04/2024 12:51

Personally I'd tell him I'm going back to work full time. However he will need to pay half the childcare costs, plus do half the care at night, half the cooking, housework etc. See if he finds that more fair! I'm willing to bet he won't like that either!
But I would definitely consider going back to work, if nothing else to make sure you have your own money, just in case. Your husband does not sound like a nice man.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/04/2024 13:12

You are married. Does he not realise that this means legally your money is all shared anyway? Does he not realise that putting the baby in nursery earlier will also cost a shitload?

This is way wider than the money issue, its about how he sees you - he does NOT consider you a family unit. He does NOT want to make any changes to his finances to accommodate your child.

And how he has gone about it is really awful. He agreed something and has then gone back on it with fuck all notice. What a horrible thing to do to your wife and the mother of your child.

Elphamouche · 01/04/2024 14:25

Leave him.

Hankunamatata · 01/04/2024 14:41

What was the agreement about taking maternity when you were pregnant?

Did you both agree to 10 months maternity?

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