AIBU to turn down a colleague?

[Rubbishatpubquizzes]

I'm good friends with a man I've worked with for a couple of months and I admit I do fancy him. We talk all the time, get on really well, tons in common and similar personalities, I do find him attractive.
We've spent time together as friends one-to-one and we've always got tons to talk about. He's made it clear he'd like to go on a date but I think dating at work is a bad idea. I've refused someone in a previous workplace for the same reason.
The last time I did date at work, it didn't end well and it was incredibly awkward/difficult to have to still see them at work, it made me want to change jobs.
So AIBU to keep things platonic, even if he's a lovely guy? I don't want him to think it's him as it isn't, if we didn't work together I would be interested in dating.

Be up front. Tell him.why

I do feel that I've led him on somewhat by talking lots and meeting up alone, even if nothing has ever happened.

I will definitely do :) i just hope he doesn't think I'm making excuses. If one of us left I'd definitely consider it.

Yes, work and love rarely work, so steer clear until one of you leaves and are still free. Good luck

Thank you :) we do have a few couples there together but I always wonder what would happen if they split up. You just have to be professional I guess at all times.

Lots of people meet their partner at work. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Rubbishatpubquizzes Be brave 🌻

https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/27849-how-do-brits-find-love

Sorry OP but the 'no awkwardness' ship has already sailed. You admit that you fancy him (and he'll have sensed that!), get on well etc and now want to turn him down?
It's never going to be platonic again.

I may be biased as I met my husband at work (same team, boss was at our wedding and telling everyone who'd listen how he played a major part in it 🙄). I count myself luckily - after the cesspool of online dating that I'd been swimming in up to that point. Jobs are plentiful, love and decent guys aren't!

Of course if you don't want to, you are not U for turning him down. Nobody ever is, you don't owe anyone anything. But you're just deluded if the sole reason is potential 'awkwardness', which is going to happen anyway. Since you've already muddied the waters, you might as well give it a go

Next time, make your no dating at work policy clear upfront. You don't need to announce it with flashing banners. Just make an airy comment about the statistics and mention that they'll never apply to you because you don't date at work. The end.

I would go for it. I feel that now we’re in the digital age, this kind of interaction and attraction is rapidly on the decline.

I think you're mad not to go for it. You get on well and fancy him, why not? I'd take things slow and then be professional if it doesn't work out.

It's just that last time it happened, he broke up with me and still having to see him around made moving on 1000% worse, it was super painful and awkward.

OP I met my partner at work, he was a client I'd go for it. But go really slow and explain why.

I understand that not even taking risk is a protective measure.
But if you already fancy him, thinking what if might still hurt a bit, no?
With the benefit of experience, maybe taking it into account this time, it will be less painful if it doesn't work out.

I met my husband at work. So did several people I know.

Oh go for it fgs 😊

Although if you were really into him you wouldn’t be able to hold back I reckon!

A job is just a job? Harder to find someone that ticks all your boxes surely (I E. change jobs if the relationship didn't work out).

We work for the Civil Service in an office-based role, I enjoy working here and don't want to have to leave or affect my reputation, I just don't know.

Em you kinda have been dating already by meeting up alone.
Depends if you think he could possibly be the one for you

Do you have any red flags about this guy?

We went for coffee a couple of times which I thought was just mate-like, but he's hinted at something like going for dinner.

No red flags, it's literally just this.

I vote go for dinner and see how it goes

I'd be clear about your concerns, let him reassure you. Opportunities like this don't come along very often. I really think you might regret not going for it.

I would not give up the chance of having a relationship with a really lovely guy! Do you realise how rare they are?

I would just take it slowly and not involve too many people at work in the relationship.