To ask how mothers have hobbies/interests/friends

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Asking for myself - yours sincerely a tired, busy and slightly unfulfilled mum of a 3 Y/O.

You take the child with you (running, horsey stuff), you get a babysitter so you can go to your art class / book club / gym, you expect the child's other parent to step up and do their bit.... what would you like to do, did you have hobbies and friends pre-baby that you'd like to get back to?

Play groups are a good way to meet people in the same life stage. I have some friends from there and others from pre-kid life! I have a couple of crafty hobbies I do at home if I have a free evening, and listen to audio books while walking the dog.

I do but only started around when she was 8. I had friends when she was 3 though. My DH is a normal dad who’s happy to spend time with his child.

When mine were that age I'd either take them either me or leave them with DH.

We moved to a new town when the DC were 2 and 1 and the only other grown up I knew there was DH. I met friends through toddler groups and got to know the neighbours too. Until I started working again six years later everyone I got to know was through the kids and many hobbies and activities I started back then I’m still doing now. You’ve got to work the opportunities that come your way.

The child's dad steps up so mum has some time to spend on a hobby?

Works both ways here.

Dad steps up; send to nursery for few days; if grandparents are around, they help.

I have a regular evening a week for a hobby, my partner goes out more casually so that could be two evenings one week, none the next.
We have a 2yo, and it is hard when they're small as sometimes after bedtime is the only time you have together. We still have about 4 evenings a week together which is enough for now. It's a balancing act.

When DC is older you can have more hobbies as evenings are less precious.

Yea I have friends but I am from London and work there as do all my friends from childhood so it’s easy to meet up for dinner after work. My husband is an equal partner and he also maintains a social life with his friends. No hobbies but we both make it to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, usually after bedtime or on a Saturday/ Sunday. 3 kids under 5.

Why do you not have any friends/ hobbies OP? Have you moved area and lost touch with people?

It’s much easier if you have a husband! I see my friends on weekday evenings, usually meet them after work, our child is in bed anyway so it’s not really an issue.

Unless you have to do your hobby in a weekend, or you work shifts, can you look for a babysitter to sit for an evening?

My DP would be more than happy to care for DS while I make time for hobbies/friends. Problem is, I just don't have any. I'm a bit lost really. My old school friends have moved away and I've lost touch with most. I work with people who are all a lot older than I am. I work full time and during mat leave (COVID times) I tried the limited classes available but found all of them quite cliquey and unwilling to deviate from the friendship groups they came with. I had a similar experience in a paper cutting class I tried last year. It's quite a hard process to keep putting myself through as a bit of an introvert.

I'm in the same boat, no hobbies or friends, no partner either and I'm a real introvert. I find it hard and lonely but don't know how to change it.

Sorry to hear you’ve lost touch with old friends OP. I would say that having small children in intense and lots of people do lose touch at this stage of their lives, there’s nothing to stop you reaching out and rekindling some old friendships, your friends may feel the same as you. Whilst there may be some distance between you that doesn’t stop chatting on WhatsApp/phone etc and meeting up every now and then even if for a weekend rather than an evening.

when your child starts school I think it’s easier to make friends at the school gates, but it is hit and miss on whether you get people you’d usually gel with.

hobbies wise I would say just do something that interests you, if you make friends that a bonus but if not at least you’ll be doing something you enjoy.

What do you like/enjoy?

If it's mostly the social aspect - play groups, try to chat to the mums, meet up with the kids or without.

It's okay to not have certain 'hobby' interests - I don't! But I don't mind a tea and a chat, so I mostly do that with my child and theirs involved.

If there's something you'd like to try (dog walking/knitting/gym time/gym classes/educational classes) then it's finding where you can do it and going! I know that's a simplified way of looking at it but trying to keep it sounding simple so it's not overwhelming!

I dragged mine out with me everywhere I went.
They were wild camping at three-six weeks, we wore them on hikes, brought them to the lake to swim with us, towed them in a wagon behind while we went berry picking, basically just made a way.
DH would watch them while I went out dancing with friends, or whatever, and I'd do the same so he could have jam time with his band , and gaming time
We were cash strapped but time rich, so we were able to keep up with most things.

I don't have any hobbies as such, but I meet friends in daytime or evening for a coffee or glass of wine. And I volunteer with girlguiding where I met lots of people - was only way to get my oldest past the huge wait list, and also with school PTA. We moved to a new area about 3 years ago so took a bit of time to make new friends.
And we socialise as a family quite a lot, hosting and going to parties/bbq's of friends who have similar age children

Did you have hobbies before the baby?

I just sort of carried them on but they are very much solo hobbies that can be done at home, crochet, quilting, tarot, so I don't need to rely of babysitters or husband being home.

The friends thing is a rare occurrence once everyone has aligned their rotas and childcare 😔

I have no hobbies but I can't blame my kids for that ...I didn't have any before!

I have a 2yo.

I have quite a few friendship groups from school/university. I appreciate this doesn't help you so I'm going to focus on what I've done since becoming a mum.

I have made friends via toddler church groups etc locally and we meet up without our toddlers in tow as well as weekend toddler meet ups too.

My local college does evening classes for beginners. I am about as creative as a potato BUT bit the bullet and joined a ceramics evening class. I get lots of guidance and help from the teacher and have brought some lovely pieces home. My local college does all sorts: languages, watercolour, creative writing, photography, baking etc and there are beginner classes. May be worth seeing what is out there and it's not a big deal if you go solo, you meet people there.

My husband goes to photography club on a Monday and Tuesday is my evening for messing about with clay!

I also really enjoy running even though I'm rubbish. I try and make time for a parkrun and when wfh i run during the week on my lunch break too.

I also read and look at the 'what am i reading' forum here and use that as inspiration for getting books out at the library. Currently reading Fingersmith because someone said it was good🤣

I have a tendency to think my life is the hardest (very unlikely that's true!) and put obstacles in my way!

Exercise classes, creative classes - I've looked at some of these and think even though I'm sure I can overcome my fears of driving, I could get myself across town to some of these. Then I factor in the money and that DP being an HGV driver means he can get home anywhere between 4 and 7 and he never knows until the afternoon. They feel very real obstacles but perhaps I'm just looking for them?

I've tried things like knitting and have found my ineptitude unbelievably frustrating. I remember throwing the needles across the room by day 5!

I would say I lack in the friend department purely because everyone has such opposite timetables and it honestly seem impossible to ever plan to see anyone.
I work part time so on my days off, I do my hobby which is a fitness class at the gym. By the time I get there, do the class, go home and shower it leaves little time left in the day before the school run.
If I worked full time, then I'd need DH/family help for childcare to allow me to do as I wish. I can't do evening hobbies.

I’m going to recommend my two (fairly recent) hobbies to you as I’m a full time working mum with young children. I enjoy gardening (easy as it’s at home and the children can be outside with me if their dad can’t entertain them) and running.

My most recent project involved buying basic terracotta pots from B&Q, a ridiculous number of tulip bulbs from Farmer Gracy and a few bags of compost. Planted them all up in about November and smoothed some horticultural grit over the top. Some have started to flower now and it gives me a lot of joy. It probably only took an afternoon to get the pots sorted too. I’m now growing sunflowers, sweetpeas, snapdragons, nasturtiums, cosmos and dahlias. I do all of the sowing before/after work and at weekends, and it’s something I can do (to some extent) whether the children are with me or not.

I did Couch to 5K late last year (the app with Jo Whiley) during my lunch breaks at work and then I joined a women’s beginners’ running group. I found it hard going out after work at first but I got into a routine and it gives me a sense of achievement as well as a lot socially. I do that two evenings a week and take another hour at the weekend.

I don’t have many friends I see regularly so having my own interests keeps me going.

I suppose I never let being a mother define me which meant I always kept enough going on to build on that when I wanted to do more. It will be harder to start from scratch though. Can you look for a local book club? Even if you aren’t a keen and avid reader, they are often largely social events.

Easier now they are both at school and I stayed working 3 days a week so have 2 days a week they are at school and I am freeeeeee to do non mum stuff!

My hobby is horse riding. I only go once a week but I get DH or my mum to have the kids for a couple of hours and I love it. Complete me time doing something I've loved since childhood and the calming effect of horses also helps.

I also walk a lot and go out at weekends leaving the kids with DH, put my audiobook on and go off in my own little world for an hour or so.